


Mr. Smith’s Cleaning Guy

by fangirl_feminista



Series: Shingeki no 21st century [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Artist Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Christmas, Lawyer Erwin Smith, M/M, Multi, Valentine's Day, a girl issues a warning, no actual writing just fluffy drippy three cheese self-indulgence, pssst this is eruri endgame k
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-14
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-03-07 13:47:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 51,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3175290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fangirl_feminista/pseuds/fangirl_feminista
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Kaiser-Reiss. Buncha cutthroat smartasses, I hear.”</p><p>Erwin raises an eyebrow. “You hear?”</p><p>Levi nods solemnly. “Janitors hear everything.” He squirts disinfectant at the outstretched hand before shaking it. “Erwin Smith. I won’t forget you. Apparently Kaiser-Reiss has one halfway-decent bigshot.”</p><p>[A+ lawyer Erwin Smith meets A+ janitor Levi. A disgusting amount of old man flirting ensues.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. you're a little shit but why the hell not

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music:
> 
> [Mr. Smith's Cleaning Guy | 1.2.3](http://8tracks.com/fangirl_feminista/mr-smith-s-cleaning-guy-1-2-3?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button) from [fangirl_feminista](http://8tracks.com/fangirl_feminista?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button) on [8tracks Radio](http://8tracks.com?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button).
> 
> [1:Everybody Loves Me - One Republic | Anything Could Happen (Birdy Nam Nam Remix) – Ellie Goulding | Crazy - James Smith]

“We’re not the Justice League here, we’re Kaiser-Reiss,” says a voice from behind him, pompous with just a shade of self-righteousness. “If you want to go raining your funds down on a bunch of thirsty millionaire wannabees, go ahead. But don’t put _our_ money in that shitty pot.”

The world is an interesting place, Erwin Smith realized when he was a child. There are all kinds of people in this world, and to be honest, Erwin could appreciate the nature and function of each. That doesn’t change the fact that Nile Dok is one of of the biggest pieces of dumbfuck Erwin has had the educational experience of meeting.

“We are Kaiser-Reiss,” Erwin smoothly counters, his tone level but voice firm and commanding. “And we _win_. Winning a small victory, as Mr. Dok suggests at this moment, is not an unfavorable circumstance. However, missing a big victory due to a shortsighted perspective is not worthy of this table of reputable lawyers. This so-called bunch of thirsty millionaire wannabees, as Mr. Dok eloquently puts it, are on their way to the big leagues. Five years is not a long time to wait for the glowing publicity and remarkable profits we could earn from this deal.”

“And the risks?” Nile drawls out, slightly shaken by Erwin’s indomitable confidence but not willing to back down just yet. Erwin could almost smile. If only Dok knew what was coming to hit him, but of course he doesn’t. Because that’s how Erwin Smith operates—attack swiftly and without chance for retaliation.

As if on cue, Mike stands from across the table and hands out folders. “Projections, from three separate reputable financial consultants and our own team of financial experts.”

“Under whose supervision?” Nile leers, and Erwin notes his complete lack of tact.

“Mine,” Mike answers, defiant despite his junior partner standing.

“You’re just Smith’s dog!” Nile scoffs, throwing his hands up in the air.

With an icy glare, Mike replies, “I believe I have been deemed reasonably competent by the firm in these affairs. Unless you are questioning the partners' judgment, I don't see why you'd be questioning my competence.”

“And where did the resources to pay for these consultants come from? You cost us a heckton for your own purposes!” Nile practically screeches at Erwin, sweat pouring down his neck. His hand twitches as if in need to adjust his tie. Erwin almost pities him.

“These consultants owe me favors from previous engagements,” Erwin explains with steepled fingers. He opens his hands and looks at each partner in the eye. “This can be easily verified. In contrary to Mr. Dok’s accusation, I am using personal resources for the company’s purposes. To prove that this deal is not riskless, but viable. No deal is ever riskless, and few are as viable as this.”

And then, the final blow. Erwin turns to Nile, looking him straight in the eye. “Playing safe is a bigger risk than most people realize, although I deem that all of us here are competent enough to acknowledge this.”

There’s a reason Erwin Smith is rumored to be next-in-line to the retiring managing partner, and that morning, Nile Dok fully understood what that is.

* * *

“Now that was a good morning,” Mike says in his signature low voice, but as his long-time friend, Erwin easily recognizes the lilt of utter satisfaction.

“You are particularly vindictive today,” Erwin comments. “You were speaking to a senior partner you know.”

Mike rolls his eyes. “I seriously doubt the sanity of whoever offered him the slot. That man might not even know how to file a patent, or to even fix his own tie.”

“Well, he does boast of having a trophy wife to tie it for him,” Erwin says.

“You mean his third one. And if we’re just talking about women who would be willing to fix our ties, you’d probably have a new candidate every day,” Mike mutters.

“You are quite talkative today too,” Erwin says with a chuckle. Mike really hates Dok’s guts, Erwin notices once more. Erwin doesn’t, even though he acknowledges that Mike has enough reason to.

“There are all sorts of things in this world, Erwin,” his father told him once. “Learn of them, and learn from them.”

 _But keep your doors locked_ , Erwin now adds. _Or they might bite your head off. Like they did your father._

But now is not the time for such recollection. Clasping Mike’s shoulder in a brotherly fashion, Erwin steers them both to the revolving doors. “A good drink then, before we have to remember exactly how much work we have for tonight.”

Mike groans at that. “Sometimes Smith, I wish you had a girlfriend so you’d stop being such a slave driver.”

With a deadpan voice, Erwin says, “So you wish I was a screw driver so I won’t be a slave driver.”

After twelve years of friendship, Mike’s response is automatic and resigned. Slapping Erwin’s face lightly twice, he mumbles, “Smith, if only your sense of humor is as palatable as your pretty face.”

* * *

Whenever Erwin Smith says: “Let’s get to work”, one would have to wonder if he doesn’t actually mean: “Let’s sacrifice our physiological needs and psychological health to the altars of Kaiser-Reiss”. His dedication is utterly horrifying. However, it’s equally admirable, which is what earns Erwin his sterling reputation and the unparalleled respect of both colleagues and clients.

One would have to give it to him as well, that while he demands 100%, he gives 200%. By eleven that day, the associate’s workplace is empty and dark, while Erwin’s office remains brightly lit. He emerges from his chair after six straight hours of sitting on it and preparing court documents. His coat is on the rack, his shirt slightly rumpled and his usually perfect hair slightly tousled. He definitely needs a cup of that glorious brewed tea from the pantry.

While walking down the hall, he receives a call from Mike, who informs him he’s about to head home. Usually they’d leave at the same time, but this particular case is special enough to Erwin to warrant extra personal hours.

As he approaches the main hallway, Erwin spots the silhouette hanging off the ground and facing the high glass wall. One hand is holding a cleaner, wiping the surface with enough vigor that each stroke causes the biceps to ripple.

The voice continues from his mobile. “It would’ve been better if it was an actual drink, but it was _tea_ , Smith. _Fucking boiled leaves_ —“

“You can’t ever smear the honor of tea, Mike,” Erwin states, but his full attention is now fixed on the man before him. It registers to him that it is eleven o’clock at night, and there’s this janitor totally engaged in wiping the hell out of a window that already looks impeccably clean to him. The reflection on the window reveals a face crumpled in utter devotion to the task at hand.

“I can see you staring, you know,” the man says, in a low, disgruntled tone. “But you are damn right about the tea.”

“Good work today, Mike,” Erwin says to his phone, waiting for Mike’s reply before he pushes the end button.

“Is this some kind of punishment?” he says to the janitor. “I didn’t know cleaning personnel would still be doing routine work at this hour.”

Without even pausing in his work, the man replies flatly, “ _Janitors_ clean the shit out of things sir. Our personal lives don’t mean much.”

The normal Erwin would tell the person he’s doing a good job, and give him a light warning that most senior partners wouldn’t appreciate his manner of speaking and it would be such a shame to lose a good employee (and there would be no sarcasm there, this guy seems damn good at what he does). The normal Erwin would get on to his business of obtaining his cup of tea, of continuing his work, foregoing this stranger completely.

Erwin doesn’t know what force is beckoning him. Maybe it’s the lack of sleep, or the mental stress, or the physical exhaustion. Maybe it’s this attitude and dedication he’s never seen from a janitor. So instead of walking away, Erwin sits on a plush bench near the man and throws his head back.

“What is it, sir?” the man finally says after a few moments of totally awkward silence. He’s still not pausing in his work.

“Why are you still here if it’s not punishment?” Erwin continues, head snapping back to his lone companion.

“I never said it wasn’t punishment,” the man mutters.

“You look like you’re personally engaged in what you’re doing, even though your supervisor isn’t here,” Erwin counters.

The man finally pauses and turns to face him. Where he got the muscle strength and flexibility to do so while hanging, Erwin could only wonder about. “You are in a position ten times higher than my supervisor, sir. So why shouldn’t I work ten times harder around you?”

“It’s probably more than ten times,” Erwin says mildly, with no hint of arrogance in his tone. “And at that point, why would I care how a janitor performs?”

“I would, if I were you,” the man says, shadowed sharp eyes looking down on Erwin’s. “Incompetence from any of the staff is inconvenient, even from a janitor. It would be less inconvenient to just snap your fingers at my supervisor to get such a nuisance employee fired.”

Erwin tilts his head, considering him. “You’re talking to a senior partner.”

“And you are talking to a janitor, but I would guess you know that, sir,” the man says unflinchingly. Then, he returns to his work. “What if you, a senior partner, takes a bigass client down these corridors tomorrow and they see a filthy glass window? It might not mean much, rationally, but the brain is dumb and so it gets tricked into making first impressions that don’t make much sense. Anyway, I don’t care. I just want this damn window clean until it squeaks like inflamed ass cheeks.”

For a moment, Erwin is too stunned to speak. This is practically unheard of. Before he could recover though, the man continues, “Ah, shit. Dunno where that came from. Maybe I’m just sleepy or stressed or tired.”

At that, Erwin chuckles softly. The man turns back to him, annoyance plain on his face. Erwin notes that his eyebrows have been scrunched since they started talking. He assumed it was due to concentration, but it seems to be perpetual.

“What’s your name?” he asks. “I’m Erwin Smith, senior partner for Kaiser-Reiss.”

“Kaiser-Reiss. Buncha cutthroat smartasses, I hear.”

Erwin raises an eyebrow. “You hear?”

Levi nods solemnly. “Janitors hear everything.”

Erwin laughs full on this time, running a hand through his decidedly mussed up hair. “Actually, I _am_ a cutthroat smartass, but at least fifteen aspiring young businessmen with no big names to back them up will benefit from that fact tomorrow. But you didn’t answer my question.”

“As if. After everything, I’m gonna get my poor ass hauled off if I tell you my name,” the man replies, rolling his eyes.

“That eye roll seals the deal, you know,” Erwin says gravely. “I’m hauling you out myself.”

“And ruin that shirt? That probably costs twice my goddamn monthly salary,” the man rolls his eyes again. With an unfussed voice, he relents. “Whatever. My life’s ruined anyway. It’s Levi.”

The normal Erwin reserves the smile he’s smiling now to his close friends and family, but then again, he’s not being very normal today. Looking straight at Levi’s eyes—slate gray, now under the city lights—he offers a hand. “Well, Levi, you’re one hell of a janitor.”

Levi squirts disinfectant at his outstretched hand before shaking it. “Erwin Smith. I won’t forget you. Apparently Kaiser-Weiss has one halfway-decent bigshot.”

* * *

The next day, of course, the normal Erwin Smith is back. Pushing through the imposing revolving doors with steady hands, he watches as the receptionists and a handful of employees immediately turn their attention to him. Confident stride, perfectly unruffled smile and immaculate custom suit—even here, he stands out. Every morning since he’s been an associate, this morning ritual persists.

On his way to the elevator, however, something unusual happens. His eyes fall on a janitor cleaning away at a corner window. Instead of simply passing by, he slows down.

“Morning, Levi,” he says, like he was greeting a fellow partner. From his hanging position, Levi turns to him and, with some foam on his face, returns the greeting with a grunt.

“Morning, sir.”

From where he’s standing in the elevator cabin, Mike’s eyes widen slightly. As his friend enters the lift, he gives him the usual smile as if nothing happened.

Before the doors close, however, Erwin catches a final glimpse of Levi on the mirrored walls. Those gray eyes are fixed downward, directly on Erwin’s ass.


	2. i’m not looking at you looking at me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin gets an unpleasant surprise, which leads to complications. Levi reveals the secret to his baby face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music:
> 
> [Mr. Smith's Cleaning Guy | 1.2.3](http://8tracks.com/fangirl_feminista/mr-smith-s-cleaning-guy-1-2-3?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button) from [fangirl_feminista](http://8tracks.com/fangirl_feminista?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button) on [8tracks Radio](http://8tracks.com?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button).
> 
> [2: Miracle – Ghost Beach | Maybe - Alina Baraz feat. Galimatias]

“He smells…clean,” Mike tells him a week later, a queer expression crossing his face. “But…be careful.”

Erwin’s brows furrow slightly. He’s never heard his best friend make such an assessment before. He has always trusted Mike’s peculiar talent, but Levi doesn’t strike him as anyone he needs to be careful about. “Well, yes, he is quite clean. But why be careful?”

“Aren’t you always careful anyway?” Mike remarks. He’s not wrong. “Just don’t forget that with him.”

Then, Erwin remembers his unguarded moment with Levi that one night. Hasn’t he already forgone his inhibitions once? While a part of him—the prudent judge that never seems to slip—did reckon the interaction harmless, he wouldn’t have been so careless with another employee. Not even one from the utility staff.  Only that Levi doesn’t seem to be any ordinary cleaning guy, and that’s really the catch, isn’t it?

Nevertheless, there has been nothing more to be careful about. About a month passes and all that ever transpires between Erwin and Levi is the usual morning greeting. Erwin doesn’t know how he could’ve missed Levi all those times before. How long has he been here? Why is he working here, as a janitor? What—

That same prudent judge coldly tells him such musings are not worth his time and mind space. He is, after all, a very busy man. Erwin is not the type to be confused about his feelings. He knows why Levi keeps appearing in his thoughts.

Erwin Smith is perfect for this job, for this high-stakes career of wits and strategy, in this high society of schemers, socialites, and social climbers. Levi doesn’t belong in this world. And while Erwin is damn good at what he does, everyone needs a break.

Levi is that break.  Could be, if Erwin goes any further.

 _Ah, but it’s ridiculous_ , Erwin tells himself one final time. _This is an unworkable liaison. We are too different._

And that’s that. Levi is just one more lesson in his life, and he is glad to have crossed paths with him, but Erwin shuts him out. The morning greeting becomes an automatic thing with no strange possibilities attached, despite the lingering stare Erwin always glimpses before the elevator doors close.

“Life is unpredictable,” Erwin’s father once told him. “You think you know what’s coming next, but you don’t. You don’t know the results until they happen. So plan for what you can plan for, but be ready to have them all blow up to your face.”

That piece of counsel has served Erwin more than a few times before, but this particular turn of unpredictability still shocks him.

“What are you doing here?” his voice is level and calm, but the cold fury running underneath his question is undeniable. The hand freezes in its vigorous wiping of the glass walls near his doorway.

“Sir?” Levi says, turning to him. He seems aware of Erwin’s dark countenance, but is himself unfazed.

“Who gave you permission to enter my office while I am out?” Erwin continues, towering over Levi’s crouched form.

“I was told to clean the offices in this wing,” Levi answers firmly, looking up at him. “Sir.”

“I do not permit anyone intruding upon my office without my presence,” Erwin explains, his dour vehemence unwavering. “I shall put in a word to the utility manager. Get out.”

The command rings with finality. Picking up his tools, Levi immediately leaves with no more excuses.

 _What was that?_ Erwin thinks as he sets down his briefcase and sits. _What was I doing?_

On the day of his promotion to senior partner, Erwin gave firm instructions to keep all employees out of his office. All cleaning would be done when he is in it himself. Erwin shows trust and respect to his colleagues, but his personal space, where all his important work documents are, is off limits. True, those papers are locked away, but given the lives and millions concerned—and the existence of a few venomous colleagues who resent his position—the precaution is well-deserved.

Levi might’ve been uninformed of his directive. Or he could be spying for someone. Erwin always believed paranoia to be counterproductive and even destructive, but he will still acknowledge that realistic possibility. Nevertheless, there’s really no point to reacting that intensely.

 _“He smells…clean,”_ Mike’s words resound in his head. _“But…be careful.”_

Breathing deeply, he opens a line to his secretary, who has just walked into her cubicle. “Rico.”

“Yes?” comes a tinny voice from the machine. Rico turns her chair towards the office. Through the glass walls, Erwin meets her eye, though he doubts she would lie to him.

“Did you see cleaning personnel entering my office?” he asks calmly.

“No, Mr. Smith,” Rico answers without hesitation, eyes widening slightly. “You were out and your schedule is set, so I was just attending to the papers you assigned to me. Surely their supervisor told them of your strict instructions?”

Erwin smiles politely at her. “Do give them a stern reminder to prohibit all personnel from entering my office without my leave and presence. Elsewise I would be involved in the matter myself.”

“Yes, Mr. Smith,” Rico says before immediately following his orders.

Erwin lets the issue go, allowing not a speck of his irritation show on his face. Almost all his walls are clear, his office for the flurry of employees to see. Most of his colleagues flinch at the idea of being so exposed, but Erwin sees it as hitting two birds in one stone. Give everyone a show of transparency that they can trust, while practicing keeping your demeanor controlled at all times.

 _It really is an interesting world_ , Erwin thinks as he briefly turns to the city view behind his office. However, the image of Levi’s unshaken gray eyes suddenly flashes in his mind.

Unable to show any act of unrest such as shaking his head, Erwin’s eyes roam around the room in an effort to clear his head.

The office is practically sparkling in cleanliness.

Erwin has never seen his place like this. He values cleanliness, and evaluates the performance of the cleaning staff to be very satisfactory, but this is _excellent_. The floor looks like he could sleep on it naked. The framed plaques on the wall are positively gleaming, as proud as their owner should be. His table is absolutely dustless, jet black, and looks brand new. Even the small chip under a corner was filled. The windows are so clear it looks like you could step out of the office and fall fifty-seven stories out of the city sky.

The air smells vaguely of antiseptic and musk. Erwin finds the scent sharp and refreshing.

“Levi,” he mouths the word, as if testing the feel of it on his lips. Then he resumes his work.

* * *

Erwin doesn’t believe in fate, or destiny, or meant to be. It’s reasonably possible for Levi to be in the same spot at the same time he was more than a month before. Still, the moment feels…significant somehow. So Erwin stands there for a few seconds, watching Levi earnestly wiping the glass walls as he had then.

“I didn’t go blind in a month you know,” Levi says eventually. “I can still see you staring.”

“I come bearing gifts,” Erwin says lightly, settling on the sofa near Levi’s spot.

“That is a cup of Yellow Gold Tea Buds.” Levi states, his whole body stilling.

“Yes,” Erwin confirms, a smile threatening to form on his lips. Levi is hanging far enough away that any other person would not have sniffed out the type of tea Erwin has. And he didn’t even sniff.

Levi swiftly turns to him. “What do I have to do?”

“Get off from—“

“Wow, didn’t know you swung that way.”

Erwin smiles despite himself. “Get off from where you’re hanging,” he continues. “And sit with me.”

Levi unhooks himself and expertly gets off his hanging gear. “Your lofty chair will get dirty.” He says as he takes off his janitor’s suit and plops down.

“I’m sure you can fix it after anyway,” Erwin says. “For the sake of good tea.”

“For the sake of good tea,” Levi concedes, taking the cup from him. Erwin notices how he holds his cup oddly, with his fingers on the rim and his palm looming over it.

“Don’t wanna get no fancy china broken,” Levi explains. “Or I’m gonna go broke.”

“You have a horrible sense of humor,” Erwin says bluntly, turning towards Levi’s direction.

On the contrary, Levi doesn’t look dirty at all. Under the janitor’s suit, his tee is immaculately white, his dark skinny jeans unmarred. He’s sweaty but still smells like antiseptic.

Levi rolls his eyes without looking at his direction. “I wasn’t trying to make an old geezer pun joke. I was just being caustic.”

Erwin suddenly remembers Mike’s resigned disdainful expression and laughs. “That stung.”

Levi finally turns to him. He stares at Erwin’s face for a while, his expression unreadable. Erwin is used to people gazing at his face, but usually he knows exactly what the other person is thinking. Or feeling—like the undeniable desire to bone him. But Levi’s countenance betrays no such emotion.

“You don’t look like an old geezer,” Levi finally says, his voice a bit softer. “Although you do look like the type to make horrible pun jokes.”

Erwin laughs again. _The gall of this boy_. “Well, not everyone can be young and reckless like you caustic teenagers.”

“I’m twenty-seven.”

Erwin blinks twice. “What?”

“I’m twenty-seven,” Levi repeats, with a face that says he’s used to this kind of reaction. “About the same age as you.”

“I’m actually thirty-two,” Erwin corrects him. “And you look closer to seventeen than twenty-seven.”

“Maybe it’s the genes,” Levi says. “Or the daily facial cumshot.”

For the second time, Erwin goes speechless in front of Levi.

“Well, isn’t it that time again where shit spews from my mouth,” Levi says. He takes a swig of his burning hot tea. When he throws his head back, the moonlight hits his pale, exposed neck. Erwin watches as he swallows, his small Adam’s apple bobbing and sweat slowly trickling down to his prominent collarbones.

When Erwin gets in his car that night, he pauses for a moment and holds the wheel with both hands. He stares at his reflection on the windshield.

“Well, this is bad."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anybody’s wondering why Levi’s hanging all the time, it’s actually a vague reference to 3DMG gear. :))) The “facial cumshot of youth” reference comes from Saezuru Tori wa Habatakanai, which I completely recommend to anyone willing to listen to my raving. 
> 
> It’s quite difficult for me to describe settings, because positioning is tricky to describe accurately. ~~plus, it gets boring~~ I might add pictures of my headcanon of the settings here (there will be more places, which is why there are so many damn characters in this fic). Of course, everyone is free to have their own headcanons, I just feel like I could represent my thoughts better if I had pictures of the settings. 
> 
> Till next!


	3. i don’t want to have any regrets and yet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi looks beautiful against the sunset and Erwin reverts to his middle school self at the most inopportune moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music:
> 
> [Mr. Smith's Cleaning Guy | 1.2.3](http://8tracks.com/fangirl_feminista/mr-smith-s-cleaning-guy-1-2-3?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button) from [fangirl_feminista](http://8tracks.com/fangirl_feminista?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button) on [8tracks Radio](http://8tracks.com?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button).
> 
> [3: Too Young - Ghost Beach | Every Time You Go – Ellie Goulding | Walnut Tree - Keane]

Erwin realized he swung that way, or more accurately, swung all ways, when he was in middle school. When he confided to his father, he smiled and said it simply presented him more opportunities to learn about himself and others. He never lacked for people fighting for his attention and affections, and he was far too intelligent, talented and confident to be really bullied. Thus, it wasn’t a big deal to him, and he chose to see it the way his father did.

So what really bothers him regarding his newfound…fascination remains a mystery to him. He almost thinks Levi is one devious bastard. Before he mentioned anything about _daily facial cumshots_ , before Erwin realized he wasn’t some teenager working part-time, Levi was simply a curious specimen and an interesting companion.

_But apparently, he doesn’t just swing down the windows, but also down the rainbow road._

“You’re making that face you make when you’re bursting to say a very lame pun joke but you can’t spit it out,” Mike mumbles darkly, glaring at him.

Erwin chuckles, shaking his head slightly. Mike knows him too well, and it’s getting dangerous. Erwin has the feeling that the moment he greets Levi this morning, Mike would sense immediately that something is up.

Except that Levi is not there when they come in.

“Cleaner guy isn’t here,” Mike notes absently.

To distract him from acknowledging the faint hint of confusion on his face, Erwin claps Mike’s shoulders. “My, my. Didn’t know you paid that much attention.”

“Of course I would. He’s the only janitor you greet everyday,” Mike says. “Also, he has a nice ass.”

Erwin coughs. “He seems a tad…petite for you.”

“And you, Smith,” Mike turns to him with a slight smirk. He claps Erwin’s shoulder in turn. “And you.”

Erwin realizes two things: one, he just fell for the bait and two, he underestimated Mike’s expertise on the subject of Erwin Smith.

* * *

When he was in middle school, Erwin met the first guy he was attracted to. He was a year younger, with an unassuming face and disposition. He was no genius, or sportsman, nor an artistic prodigy.

The first time Erwin truly saw him was before their senior year theater performance. Seeing as he had no talent in acting whatsoever, the guy was simply fixing the props whilst Erwin was changing to his king costume. However, he caught glimpse of those dark brown eyes watching him from afar, following the rise of his shirt. He could almost feel the heat of his stare on his skin—only that those eyes were the coldest eyes he had ever seen.

A few days later, Erwin asked the play director for the boy’s full name, and from what class he was from. It was at that moment that he was sure he was pan.

“Of course I would know you, Keith,” _Because I just glanced at your nametag a minute ago_. “You and your personnel have always shown nothing but superb service.”

“Ah, but you’re a senior partner, sir,” the tall, fierce-looking man replies gruffly. He is not half as noxious as he looks after all, and nothing Erwin can’t handle.

“The firm is a machine, Keith,” he says smoothly, steering the man with a gentle hand to his back. “No matter how big or small a part is, the machine would be incapacitated without it. Don’t you agree?”

Is that…a blush rising in his dark face? Heavens help him. Erwin almost feels guilty, but he actually believes his own words.

“Yes, sir. T-thank you sir,” Keith accepts graciously, standing proud of his life’s work. Erwin knows he could’ve simply gotten what he wanted, but power always tastes better with a bit of kindness.

“I should be thanking _you_ , one of your staff truly lent me a hand last week,” Erwin says. “He did a superb job at cleaning my office and I happened to impress a particularly picky and difficult client after.”

Erwin strokes his chin thoughtfully, eyes wandering a bit. “Ah, I think his name was Levi.”

He has always been a good actor.

Keith’s expression tightens, and though Erwin wouldn’t have thought it possible, his forehead wrinkles deepen further. “Do you mean the short, thin one with black hair sir?”

Erwin feigns sudden recognition, though he could sense this conversation is unlikely to have a favorable outcome. “Yes, yes, I think he’s that one.”

“He was fired five, no, six days ago,” Keith replies.

The play director told him that the boy was expelled after the show. Erwin never saw him again.

* * *

Erwin has always despised regret. It is not only pointless, but destructive. It damages the psyche and incapacitates its victim, clawing its way into every thought until recovery is corrupted and purged from the mind.

“No regrets,” his father told him before. These were his last words to Erwin.

It’s definitely better to mourn your losses, regroup, and work with whatever you have, for as long as you can. There is nothing infinite in this world, Erwin has learned very early. He intends to make his small slice as meaningful—and regretless—as he can.

“Roses. A dozen, long-stemmed,” Erwin tells the florist. “Thank you, Carla.”

The woman giggles and flips her ponytailed brown hair over her shoulder. “What a lucky girl! You get her these wonderful flowers every weekend without even skipping! I wish my husband was twice as thoughtful.”

“I would be, if I had such a lovely wife,” Erwin says politely, handing over his payment.

“Ah, you’re making me blush, young man.” With one hand on her hips, Carla sternly berates him, “You better not be giving these flowers to a different girl every weekend. Here. Now go get her!”

Erwin laughs softly. “Thank you. Please keep the change.”

As he drives across the city, Erwin tries to clear his head completely and concentrate on the task at hand. _No regrets_. His phone rings and the caller ID shows Daniella Zackley. Erwin lets it go to voicemail.

The field extends as far as Erwin could see, with neat rows of hydrangeas and dandelions dividing the expanse into wide sections. The light of dusk makes the view exceptionally picturesque. Besides a few far away caretakers, the place is empty.

The small black marble steeples stand side-by-side, each engraved with gold script. Erwin’s feet know exactly where to go, making soft steps towards his destination.

“Hello, mother,” he says gently, giving her a Japanese bow of courtesy. He places the roses at the foot of her grave. Then, he caresses the top of his father’s stone. “Father.”

Erwin isn’t sure he believes in spirits, or in afterlife. However, visiting his parents has always had a good effect on him. At the end of a stressful week, being able to confide in them relaxes and invigorates him simultaneously. He is reminded of his mother’s strong sense of justice, and his father’s love for learning.

He’s just about done with his visit when a shadowed profile appears to his far right.

The figure is standing against the sunset, the features indistinguishable. Like Erwin, it is standing in front of two tombstones, but it seems empty-handed. Then, the silhouette turns slightly to his direction, head raising up in attention, and the light of dusk illuminates the delicate bones of its face.

Erwin has never seen such cold eyes.

Their gazes lock for a moment, then those eyes widen. Before Levi could make another move, Erwin’s feet start walking on their own volition.

When they finally stand at a talking distance, Erwin smiles politely. He doesn’t make the mistake of looking at the tombstones, doesn’t dare step where he shouldn’t tread. “Hello, Levi. A surprise to meet you here.”

Levi nods, averting his eyes. Erwin sees his fists clench slightly.

“I was just visiting my parents,” Erwin continues levelly. “Were you celebrating a particular occasion?”

Levi moves as if to look back up at him, hesitant for the first time. Erwin sees the shadows covering his usually audacious eyes recede. There’s a hint of sadness there. Of regret. Erwin has an unexplainable impulse to wipe it off.

Then, the straightforward glare is back. “Nothing in particular. You’re too young to have two dead parents though.”

Erwin laughs gently. This man is obviously not very good at diversion, but he plays along. “They were both murdered when I was young.”

Levi raises an eyebrow. “The bastards paid?”

Erwin nods, feeling no hostility. “Yes. Yes, they have.”

Levi clicks his tongue. “I would’ve thought so.” A gust suddenly blows and he wraps his arms around himself.

“Do you want to leave now? You might get sick otherwise, and the weather forecast is not very promising,” Erwin informs him.

“No need,” Levi brusquely declines. But Erwin would not be an exceptional closer without being convincing.

“The car is warm,” he says mildly. “I can drop you off at your house or even just at the station.”

“Why?” Levi pointedly asks. Erwin senses that some displaced resentment is being hurled in his direction. However, his curiosity at Levi’s behavior wins against the urge to reject his bullshit.

“Maybe because you’re interesting. Maybe because you’re honest. Or even because you got fired six days ago,” Erwin answers. “Or, maybe for the slim chance you have a penchant for picking out presents for eleven year-olds?”

Levi tilts his head at this unexpected turn of events. “You look too young to have an eleven year-old rugrat too.”

“I’m thirty-two,” Erwin reminds him. “She was hot and I was young and foolish.”

Levi scoffs at that. “You, foolish at 20. And I was a physics prodigy then, or something.”

Erwin laughs again. He’s been doing that a lot lately, and with an amount of fondness unjustified by their month-long absentee friendship. “It’s for my sister’s kid, actually.”

Levi looks at his shoes—which are completely worn and tattered, Erwin notices—then, he nods slightly to himself.

“Eleven year-old huh,” he mutters. “If I’m gonna stick around for that, you better return the favor and drive me to somewhere far _and then_ take me home.”

“And may I know where this “somewhere far” is?”

“Downtown, the pet shop near the cathedral,” Levi replies.

“You don’t strike me as a pet person,” Erwin says, earning a glare from Levi. He has the urge to laugh again. “For whom is it?”

“My…niece,” Levi spits out venomously. His utter inability to lie with even semi-decent efficacy strikes Erwin as oddly refreshing.

“Your niece,” Erwin reiterates, nodding solemnly. “Are you sure it’s not just to spend time with me?”

Erwin hopes he doesn’t look as surprised as he feels. This isn’t how he operates, not even with people he’s especially interested in. It’s way too crude for his style, too conceited in its implication. And yet…Erwin realizes it’s exactly what he wants to believe.

Levi looks like he’s caught off-guard as well, his scowl easing slightly into a stunned expression. After a few seconds, he finally regains his composure. “The company sucks, but I bet the ride would be shitty sweet.”

 _Ah, this is really bad_ , Erwin muses as he removes his scarf and wraps it around Levi’s pale neck, despite his vehement protests.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND that is the melodrama chapter folks! I’m really excited for the next one coz…the 104th squad are coming in! The next chapter’s gonna be fu~n
> 
> I’m taking things slow, I know, but I really want to develop Erwin’s character and build up their thingy. I don’t want it to be like, oh, I wanna bone him and we fumble to bed and suddenly become all open and lovey-dovey. I want the romance to be believable (I know, I know, this isn’t exactly realistic but I’m trying haha). 
> 
> I'm not sure, but I think the rainbow road reference came from [3 A.M](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1473946/chapters/3106990) by [loveatfirstsight](http://archiveofourown.org/users/loveatfirstsight/pseuds/loveatfirstsight). It's a great fic and I 1000% recommend it.
> 
> Till next!


	4. ah, this is really bad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin looks adorable with dogs. Navy dresses suit Levi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music:
> 
> [Mr. Smith's Cleaning Guy | 4.5.6](http://8tracks.com/fangirl_feminista/mr-smith-s-cleaning-guy-4-5-6?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button) from [fangirl_feminista](http://8tracks.com/fangirl_feminista?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button) on [8tracks Radio](http://8tracks.com?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button).
> 
> [4: Passenger Seat - Stephen Speaks | First Time – Ghost Beach | How Do You Feel Today - Gabrielle Aplin]

Erwin Smith, even the busy man that he is, has never been the type to multitask while driving. He doesn’t read mails or take any calls. It’s the kind of task where there’s too much at stake to ever take a risk like that. Don’t drive distracted.

Levi makes it really, really difficult.

He is utterly silent, almost unmoving, and he’s not even facing Erwin. But this only invites more stolen glances. Especially given the way the last rays of dusk hit his high cheekbones, or later, how the city lights illuminate his usually dark eyes.

“So there’s this thing called peripheral fucking vision,” Levi groans after half an hour.

Erwin smiles, completely unashamed. “I have mentioned that you’re particularly interesting, haven’t I?”

Levi sharply turns to him. Erwin instinctively looks back at the road. Levi does the same, only for Erwin to tilt his head a bit towards him again. When Levi tries to catch him looking, he snaps his stare forward. It’s completely childish, but Erwin can’t help but do it again and again.

“Someone is about to end up crashing the car, and if you don’t die from that, you will by my hand,” Levi barks at him, his patience at an end.

“We’re stuck in traffic,” Erwin counters with a snicker.

“You’ve spent the whole damn ride exhibiting your pervy voyeurism skills to me,” Levi huffs, crossing his arms. “I’m sure I can figure out a way to destroy you without the help of rushing vehicles.”

“If you tell me something about you, I’m sure my brimming curiosity would be sated enough for me to stop,” Erwin relents.

Levi looks totally unconvinced, to his credit. It’s not exactly a smooth move, but Erwin doesn’t think his usual suave persuasions would work at the face of Levi’s candor.

“Did you talk back to Keith?” Erwin starts, eyes on the road. “Missed your shift? Broke some furniture? Was it because you cleaned my office?”

“You asked around for me,” Levi states flatly. “I was gone six days and your briefs were in a twist.”

“Boxers, actually,” Erwin amends with an innocent expression. “Hmm. Were you fired for groping some higher up?”

“Not all of us are perverted geezers like you,” Levi says, rolling his eyes.

“I have cause to consider that possibility,” Erwin reasons, playful smile fading. “I believe I wasn’t the only one stealing glances.”

“Put two and two together, dumb blonde,” Levi says, defiant. “You know how you look, and I think _daily facial cumshot_ makes it obvious enough.”

“Dumb blonde? Where’s the _sir_?” Erwin admonishes him in good humor. “You know how you look too.”

Levi turns his full attention to him, considering him wordlessly until Erwin parallel parks at the pet shop. Erwin’s face remains a blank mask, and he wishes he could fool himself into believing that’s how he is inside. There is something about those eyes—molten steel. Erwin recognizes it without doubt. After all, he is used to being the object of desire, and accepts it with all graciousness.

He doesn’t want to accept this with any graciousness at all. Courtesy isn’t the thing that comes to mind when he has Levi in _his_ car, small frame buried in _his_ scarf, the center of _his_ rapt attention.

Erwin knows a lot of things, but he is a stranger to this—the desire to possess.

* * *

“Welcome to Maria’s Cuddle Buddies! I’m Marco, how could I help you?”

The tall, freckled teen seems like he’s exactly where he’s designed to be, all smiles and positively glowing. Erwin is amused by how he’s such a contrast to Levi with his permanent scowl.

“Bird,” Levi says abruptly. “Small. White and brown.”

“Do you happen to know its specific breed name?” Marco asks kindly.

Levi looks around the shop, looking uncomfortable. “No.”

Marco offers to collect all the birds in the shop that match his description, and suggests that for the meantime, they check out the other pets as well.

Levi turns his attention back to Erwin, who has one knee on the floor and is getting his face licked by a golden retriever.

“If it bites your head off, that would be amusing.”

Erwin laughs, stroking the dog’s shiny fur. When he stares back at Levi, there’s that unreadable expression on his face again, where the knot between his brows is slightly looser but his face is otherwise blank.

“Don’t be so charmed by me,” Erwin cheerfully remarks, guiding the dog back to a long-faced teen who looks like the antithesis to Marco’s this-is-my-place-on-earth look. With a grunt, he puts the dog back in its cage.

When Erwin stands, Levi squirts disinfectant on his face.

“You’re so stiff,” Erwin continues with a laugh in his voice. He takes a night black cat from a cage nearby, handing it over to his unwilling companion. The feline squirms away from Erwin but settles comfortably in Levi’s arms.

“Ah, you’re a cat person,” Erwin says. He bets if he comments on how adorable Levi looks, slightly leaning against the already possessive cat, he’d burst into flames.

“Stop with the googly-eyed shitface look,” Levi commands in the voice of death while stroking the cat, who purrs appreciatively. “Or I’d gouge those baby bullshit blues out.”

Erwin has never been much for pets. He’s capable of taking care of one, and he’s reasonably well-loved by animals, but he never understood their charm. Now he thinks he does.

“I kicked some bigshot in the ass,” Levi says flatly.

Erwin blinks. “What?”

“He kept whistling at my ass every morning, and when he had the gall to squeeze it, I decided to violate his own,” Levi relates without flinching.

“I understand his impulse,” Erwin nods thoughtfully. “But that was completely inappropriate.”

Levi raises an eyebrow. “Stop flirting like a bitch in heat.”

“Stop flirting like a _tsundere_.”

“Stop flirting like a chu-what?”

As they leave the shop, Erwin catches the ash-blonde boy grunting along the lines of “A white and brown bird! There’s a thousand of those, asswipe” and “I need my Mikasa fix”. Apparently Levi hears it too.

“Teenagers,” he says with an eye roll. “I have a halfway-decent job, I’d shut my goddamn trap.”

Erwin decides not to pry too much into it, instead lightheartedly jostling him. “A pity. You were quite the exceptional janitor.”

Levi takes it as it is, whereas most people would probably be offended. “It’s what I do best. If this country was communist, that’s probably what I’d get assigned to do.”

Erwin feels a swell of admiration at how proud Levi seems to be in his occupation, lowly as society deems it to be.

“I could think of another prospect, though,” he says, a wicked smirk creeping on his face.

* * *

“I will skin you,” Levi says with a look that could spontaneously freeze a continent into a new Siberia. “Then I will wear your skin as boots so I can step on your shitty being every goddamn day.”

“You are being of great help, I assure you,” Erwin says with a straight face, prolonging the moment by thoroughly examining the dress he’s holding up against Levi’s body. “Hmm, navy suits you. Now, some dotted tights…”

“We’re shopping for your _niece_ ,” Levi says with gritted teeth, shoving the dress aside.

“And you are helping me,” Erwin adds smoothly. “Your lithe frame is currently proving very advantageous.”

“I’d really rather be a janitor than a model for girls’ wear,” Levi growls at him. “Or an AV actor for a bigass fucking pervert like you.”

“There are real kids here, you know,” grunts the bored-looking saleslady beside them. “Sir,” she belatedly tacks in.

She looks completely out of her depth in the store, a tall, brooding, muscled girl wearing a pink dress and white knee-high socks. Her sour attitude only adds icing to the cake. Beside her, another saleslady nervously laughs.

“What she meant, sir, is that we’d really be thankful if we could keep some conversations down, please,” the petite, pretty blonde says.

“I’d try to rein him in.” Erwin’s name drops to her nametag. “I hope we’re not being too much of a nuisance, Krista.”

“Ah, not at all sir!” Krista hurriedly says. “If you need any more assistance, please call us.”

“Do that one more time, and I’d destroy this shop,” Levi warns darkly. Erwin decides to keep his mouth shut for the sake of the children.

* * *

Hands stuffed in his old coat and wrapped snugly in Erwin’s scarf, the lights dancing on his skin, Levi’s diminutive figure is just one of the millions bustling downtown today. And yet, he also seems completely removed, a lone pale wolf with snow on his hair and a chill in his eyes. They’re standing only a few feet apart and yet…

Erwin is not a very poetic person, but he’s been discovering many things about himself since he’s met Levi.

“This store stinks of illegal activity.”

Erwin looks away from him, turning to the shop. He takes a deep breath. “You are talking to a respectable lawyer.”

A kindly blonde boy stands near the doorway, warmly welcoming them into the store and greeting Erwin by name. Erwin smiles at him and tells him the name of the book he’s looking for. He enthusiastically makes his way up the stairs to look for it.

“Isn’t child labor illegal anymore?” Levi comments, looking at the assistant scurrying off.

“He’s twenty, I think,” Erwin explains, looking around the place and nodding at the girl on the register. “Armin’s always had a baby face, though his looks are inversely proportional to how he actually thinks and acts.”

“No shit,” Levi says, browsing through the main aisle. “This is one weirdass bookstore.”

“My niece loves rare books,” Erwin explains. “Which is why the kids here know me by name already.”

The doorway chime rings. “There are artworks upstairs!”

Erwin and Levi turn to the direction of the high, animated voice. Standing by the door is a guy in all black, complete with prominent eyeliner and matte black lips.

“Eren,” the girl at the register says with the slightest hint of reproach. “They’re here to buy books.”

“C’mon, Mikasa! I’m a sales guy. I’m just doing my job,” Eren argues with a tad too much ardor. “Wanna come?”

Erwin graciously accepts, but as he and Eren are climbing upstairs, he notices that Levi is frozen in place. Before Erwin could ask him if he’s not coming, Eren runs back down the stairs and towards Levi.

“We have some great stuff, I promise!” he says fervently, taking Levi’s hand without hesitation and pulling him upstairs. Erwin is surprised when Levi doesn’t react with more than widened eyes, letting himself be dragged. Eyes shining, Eren leads them on.

The third floor is nothing like an art gallery. Instead, it is an amalgamation of all art media strewn in what seems to Erwin a senseless arrangement.

“The curation is wicked, right?” Eren remarks, not even looking for approval from either of his prospective customers.

But when Erwin glances at Levi, he notices the strange glint in his eye, a slight flush on his face that he’s quite sure isn’t caused by the dim amber lighting. Eren quickly picks up on Levi’s change of expression and drags him to a corner to examine a particular artwork, leaving Erwin behind to fend for himself.

He takes a good look around the area, which looks like an expanded attic more than anything. The place is slightly dusty but looks kept enough, the frames and sculptures gleaming. Erwin never took to art, although he was skilled enough in drawing back in high school. He’s more attuned to practical thinking and interactions with actual people.

Uninterested by the creations around him, Erwin turns his attentions to Levi as subtly as he can. Now he’s sure he hadn’t just imagined the shift in his face. The intense teenager chatters away while Levi is fixated by the art.

Then, Erwin notices how stiff Levi has become, how tight his fists are clenched beside him. In a flash, he’s by Levi’s side. “Are you alright?”

Eren stops in his ravings and looks worriedly at Levi. “Sir?”

When Levi takes his arm, Erwin is sure he’s going to have a bruise the next day. “We’re outta here.”

* * *

Erwin prides himself of being a people person. He’s always been good at decoding people within seconds, of measuring the situation in even less. And right now, looking at Levi’s tight mouth and tense shoulders, he knows it’s not the time to ask about it.

But Levi offers his own explanation, and the moment it comes out, Erwin knows there’s definitely more to it. “The place was damn dirty.”

“I’ll tell them next time I come there,” Erwin says, keeping his eyes on the road. The bird chirps from the backseat. “Is it your niece’s birthday too?”

Levi looks out the window, and Erwin wonders what face he is making. “Something like that.”

Erwin tries for another tactic. “How many nieces do you have?”

“How many questions do you have?” Levi asks in turn. “Do you always ask people you wanna jump how many nieces they have?”

 _Blunt as ever_. “I’d rather ask them if they wanna jump me too, but since we’re nearing my niece’s party, I’d keep the conversation PG 13.”

Levi sharply turns back to him. “I don’t remember no party in the itinerary.”

“I’m just going to drop off the gifts and make sure that the food is ready,” Erwin explains, chuckling at the prospect of Levi at a pre-teen’s party. “Then I’m dropping you off and I’m turning round back.”

The house is humongous, all white walls and glass panes attached to a greenhouse. Erwin invites Levi inside, and when Levi looks like he’s about to refuse, Erwin casually namedrops his excellent tea collection.

A few moments after Erwin presses the intercom button, the imposing steel doors open and a flash of brown streaks out. Before Levi could process what just happened, Erwin is on the ground, a kid straddling him. “Erwin!” the creature bursts out in an excitable, booming voice.

Erwin laughs, ruffling her already ruffled brown hair. “Happy birthday, Hanji.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HANJI IS IN THE HOUSE YOOO I don’t even know what to do with them yet but they’re there. Also, goth!Eren because holla. I hope the 104th squad appears more on the next chapters but I’m not sure yet. Whaddya wanna happen because I have no idea whoops. 
> 
> ~~Also I am a psychology student and I have no idea how the hell to portray an artist and a lawyer.~~
> 
> Till next!


	5. can I ask you a question?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanji is a demonspawn. Levi gets talkative. Erwin is experiencing some questionable feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music:
> 
> [Mr. Smith's Cleaning Guy | 4.5.6](http://8tracks.com/fangirl_feminista/mr-smith-s-cleaning-guy-4-5-6?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button) from [fangirl_feminista](http://8tracks.com/fangirl_feminista?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button) on [8tracks Radio](http://8tracks.com?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button).
> 
> [5:Your Woman – White Town | Beauty of the Dark – Mads Langer | Take Me Away – Gabrielle Aplin]
> 
> Ze and zir are gender-neutral pronouns.

“Demonspawn. Shitty four eyes.”

Hanji guffaws at Levi’s scowl, and Erwin has to resist the urge to laugh out loud for the nth time that night.

“Manners, Levi,” he reprimands their unfortunate guest with a stern face. “Hanji is only twelve.”

Levi’s attention shifts from Hanji—who is rolling on the floor laughing—to Erwin, to whom he flips the finger.

“Have I told you the navy dress really, really suits you?” Erwin responds with a placid smile.

“Next game! Next game!” Hanji exclaims in a sing-song voice, dancing around the room. Zir best friend Moblit tries to calm zir down, bless his heart, but Hanji has had some of the chocolate cheesecake and no force of nature could stop zir.

Erwin is enjoying this night way more than he originally thought he would. He has always been fond of his niece, although he’s not sure he should still call Hanji that. Earlier this evening, Hanji declared zirself genderfluid. Most of the guests, all middle-schoolers, didn’t even understand what that meant. Erwin wondered aloud about how he should refer to Hanji now, besides the changed pronouns.

“Forget niece, I could be your partner-in-crime!” Hanji said gleefully.

Erwin laughed at that. “I’m a lawyer, Hanji.”

“I could be your associate then!” ze counters, aligning zir askew eyeglasses.

“I thought you wanted to be an ecologist?”

“Who says I can’t be both?” Hanji said with zir hands on zir hips.

“You can be my next murder victim,” Levi growled menacingly, his remaining clothing down to Erwin’s scarf and his jeans.

“Losers don’t get a say,” Hanji spat at him while sticking zir tongue out.

And now, seven games—and seven miserable losses—later, Levi opts to wear Erwin’s gift to Hanji than to go around in his boxers. Erwin has to admit to himself that he would’ve preferred the latter, but a cross-dressed Levi is not bad either. Erwin sat sipping tea in a corner all night, letting Levi amuse the kids and thoroughly enjoying himself watching their guest slowly strip down to his pants.

Under his dark blue tee, Levi is close to gaunt but lithely muscled, his stomach almost flat but for the ridges of his abs. Callused imprints from the straps of his hanging gear mark the length of his trunk. Erwin didn’t fail to notice a happy trail which verifies that Levi is indeed raven-haired. Without meaning to, he immediately imagined things he shouldn’t be imagining during a children's party.

“You know, you did have a choice in all this,” Erwin reminds Levi, who is now being forced into a tiara at his eighth loss. “I told you Hanji is a game master.”

“Shut up,” Levi mutters darkly. “Ze called me _grumpgrouch shorty_.”

Another surprise is Levi’s instantaneous acceptance of Hanji’s gender. Although Levi hates brats and particularly resents Hanji, he takes to referring to zir correctly the entire night. When Hanji saw the navy dress and seemed at a loss, Levi grabbed it and held it against Erwin’s body, saying it suited the uncle better anyway. He insists that he did that to get back at him, but Erwin knows he saw momentary concern in Levi’s eyes.

At some point the two unexpectedly start to get along, or more accurately, Hanji starts clinging to Levi like a duckling imprinting on its mother. It's a magical moment, really.

“Let’s pause the game! I need to poop!” Hanji announces suddenly. Zir peers fell silent and shied away.

Levi, fully engaged in a game of Twister with his butt hanging in the air (Erwin verifies once more that he truly has a delectable ass), replies, “No way shitty brat. I’m dying to shit too so get your sorry crap-filled butt in here and let’s settle this.”

Erwin chuckles under his breath. Levi shoots him a venomous glare, but it doesn’t look so threatening from a guy now in a dress, a tiara, and a pearl necklace.

* * *

“I never should’ve met you,” Levi groans, his face in his hands. “No, you never should’ve been born. Shitty bigass dumb blonde.”

“Wow, the insults are piling up now,” Erwin says with a snicker. If he could say so himself, this house is a complete mess. Despite the convenient disposal placement, plates, utensils and cups are still strewn all over the place. Toys and gameboards lie around randomly. The sofa has food stains and spilled liquids smear the floor.

Levi lets out a gruff breath, putting his hands on his hips. “We’ve really got no choice, then. Where do you keep your cleaning shit?”

Erwin raises his head. “Oh, you don’t have to. I can call housekeeping service tomorrow.”

“I had fish and chips, lasagna, two slices of pizza, two mugs of ice cream and a slice of that cheesecake,” Levi says, counting each item off with his fingers. “Tidying up this hellhole before one rugrat wakes up to slip to its death is worth that.”

Erwin can’t say he’s surprised by this show of pride.

“Who knows,” Levi adds. “If we start now, we might even finish before the sun rises.

It’s a really good thing the next day is a Saturday.

* * *

“You’re enjoying this,” Erwin states with a raised eyebrow, feeling his arms go numb from scrubbing.

“Am I?” Levi asks, satisfaction unmistakable in his tone. He’s towering above an Erwin on all fours, the sleeves of his designer shirt rolled up, his usually perfect hair in slight disarray. Levi waves the vacuum cleaner in his hand and shakes his head haughtily. “That stain isn’t getting any better.”

Erwin shakes his head in amusement, sitting on his haunches in resignation. “Now I know one thing I’m definitely not good at.”

“Let me,” Levi gets down to his level and examines the stain himself. Erwin doesn’t step away to allow him sufficient space, instead looking at his face through his sweaty bangs. When it comes to cleaning, Levi really does lose himself. It takes a full minute for Levi to meet his eyes, and when he does his breath catches at their proximity. A slow smile blooms on Erwin’s face.

“You’re a beautiful guy,” he says, a little breathless. “Thank you for today.”

Erwin starts closing the distance remaining between them, smile fading and eyes falling shut. A beat before their lips meet, Levi suddenly stiffens. _Ah_ , Erwin thinks, the smile reappearing on his face. Without hesitation, he stands from his position. He waits for Levi to break the silence, to blurt out that he has a lover, or that this is going too fast. Erwin knows Levi is interested, but he doesn’t even know his last name. He’s not going to force anything on him.

Levi finally moves, grabbing the Lysol and spraying it at where Erwin used to be. “Wow, you stink.”

Erwin blinks innocently. “Is that an invitation to shower together?”

In a fit of irritation, Levi shoves the dirty cleaning cloth to Erwin’s face. “You suck at dirtying your pretty hands. Get that rotten stench off you while I finish this.”

Erwin is tempted to reply that he’s quite skilled at getting dirty, but he decides not to try Levi’s patience any further.

* * *

“Can I ask you something?”

Levi raises warm and sleepy eyes to him. Erwin suppresses the urge to smile. The shirt Levi borrowed reaches his thighs, the neckline wide enough that his collarbones are exposed. It’s so oversized on him that Levi doesn’t even bother wearing pants. Levi is like no woman Erwin’s ever seen in his clothes—he’s not made of soft skin and graceful curves. His fingers holding the teacup in his signature bizarre way are callused, his pale neck ridged with muscle and ribbed with tendons. Even so, his own words keep resonating in Erwin’s head. It’s as if saying them out loud made the fact impossible to ignore.

_You’re a beautiful guy._

“Here we go with the questions again,” Levi scoffs, pulling his knees to his chest and sinking into his plush chair. Erwin doesn’t fail to notice how he physically puts up his defenses. “Am I in a game show?”

“You can answer however you like,” Erwin bargains. It doesn’t take a genius to notice Levi’s aversion to personal questions, so Erwin is willing to settle with whatever he’s willing to give. “You up for it?”

Levi stares at him with his head tilted in contemplation, leaning against the glass pane. Outside, the snowstorm has stopped, but neither of them make a move to say their goodbyes.

“Well, since we’re stuck here,” Levi says quietly. “Sure.”

Erwin takes a sip of his tea. “Did you enjoy today, despite the kids from hell?”

“I got a free meal and a damn good drink, at least,” Levi says sarcastically, raising his cup to Erwin. “Although the company did suck so bad.”

Erwin laughs gently, feeling quite lethargic himself. “Really. And here I was thinking you’ve grown quite fond of Hanji. You’re surprisingly good with kids.” He takes another sip. “I bet your niece likes you.”

Levi’s eyes narrow dangerously. “Don’t do that.”

Erwin knows exactly what Levi means, and he respects him enough not to deny it. “I have no idea who you are. It’s really not fair.”

“You’re the one who dragged me into your life.”

“What I meant,” Erwin says, putting his cup down and giving his full attention to Levi. “Is that I like you too much for someone I don’t know.”

Levi breathes deeply, breaking eye contact. “Don’t do that either.”

“What should I do then?” Erwin says softly, leaning forward. He wishes there isn’t a table between them.

“I don’t have a niece,” Levi says, looking down at his tea. “I don’t have any family.”

“Neither do I,” Erwin confesses. Levi’s eyes snap back to him. “Except for Hanji.”

“Erwin,” Levi suddenly says, brows furrowed deeper. “I’m gay.”

“I know, _daily facial cumshot_ , remember,” Erwin says. “I’m pan. What do you do besides cleaning?”

“I dropped out of college, so nothing,” Levi says flatly. “What do you do? Close your cases, close your lovers, live the bigshot life?”

“Defend justice,” Erwin answers with a straight face. Then, his expression eases and he casually reaches for his tea. “Earn lots of money using my brain and some politics. A lot of politics.”

“I know nothing about using my brain or playing shitty politics,” Levi tells him. “I use my body.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” Erwin says with a smooth expression. He tries to imagine Levi as a stripper, or a prostitute, and finds no alienation within himself. Instead, the idea of being Levi’s only client flashes through his mind. That’s probably a really bad sign. “Although, you don’t strike me as having an impracticable mind.”

“You should meet my math teacher then,” Levi says, chuckling darkly. “I was an art major.”

Erwin leans forward. “Starving artist?”

“Starving ex-artist,” Levi amends while looking at him curiously. “I would ask what you think of me, but I really don’t care.”

“Fair enough,” Erwin says. “But I care about how you think of me. Would you indulge me that?”

“I think,” Levi’s voice drops and he leans forward as well, locking eyes with Erwin. Gray. Deep gray untainted with pretention. “We’re different people, in all ways possible. And that I have no idea who you really are either.”

Erwin could almost laugh at the notion. If only Levi knew, how many defenses he’s already dropped in his company. “I value justice. I like learning about people, and I find the world very interesting. And I don’t regret. In the end, that’s all there is to know.”

“Freedom, then,” Levi says. “I just want to be free. And I have nothing but regrets.”

There it is, that feeling again, rising from somewhere Erwin hasn’t known existed within him. The urge to erase Levi’s pain—it’s a questionable impulse, especially when it’s felt for someone he barely knows. Except it doesn’t feel like it. Erwin’s been attracted for a long time, and hooked, and it’s not very hard to fall off the edge now.

The first light of dawn breaks through the horizon, bathing Levi’s face in sudden light.

“Come with me.”

* * *

The house is not very far from where they met yesterday. The stillness of the graveyard is more beautiful than haunting at this hour. Both Levi and Erwin are cocooned in coats, mufflers and gloves, their breaths small puffs in the morning air. Levi has the birdcage in one hand.

When they reach the tombstones from the day before, Levi gets down on one knee and frees the bird from the cage. Holding it in his hands gently, he stares at it for a while before letting it go. They both follow the bird’s flight with their eyes until it disappears.

“There,” Levi says softly as he rubs the top of the headstone, like he’s ruffling someone’s hair.

“Hanji reminded me of her,” he tells Erwin, his back turned on him. Erwin doesn’t pry, and instead silently follows Levi back to the car.

* * *

They are wordless all the way to Levi’s apartment. Erwin feels the weight of Levi on him, but instead of a ball and chain, it feels more like a heavy, warm coat. He knows it took a lot to say what Levi has said. Then, a vision of Levi taking his shirt off appears on his mind again. Pale skin over thin muscle, slowly stretching—

This isn’t going to be easy, then.

When they reach their destination, Erwin notes that his car clearly doesn’t belong to this part of the city. Levi doesn’t seem fazed by it.

“You might want to leave right away, if you wanna get out of here _with_ your car,” he tells Erwin pointblank. As if nothing happened between them. Erwin thinks he understands. He holds out a paper bag to Levi.

“What is this? Leftovers?”

Erwin doesn’t answer. Levi peaks inside.

The look of sheer menace he shoots Erwin sends him to roaring laughter. “Fuck. You,” Levi says, throwing the navy dress and tiara at Erwin’s laughing face.

“It did look good on you, _Pwincess Weebi_ ,” Erwin huffs out between laughs, using the nickname Hanji’s guests mockingly gave Levi. Levi throws the bag aside and swings a swift right hook to his face. Erwin catches his arm.

“I am surprisingly more combative than I look—“

Before Erwin could finish the statement, a punch slams down painfully to his side.

“I’m left-handed,” Levi says coldly, triumph glinting in his eyes. He shakes his right arm off and steps out of the car, but a hand grabs on to his left arm. 

Erwin’s face is strangely contorted between a wince and a smile. In a raspy voice, he says, “I have an offer for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Long notes ahead!_
> 
> Somehow this chapter took a while to write. I wanted to take Erwin and Levi’s relationship from casual acquaintance to something like hesitant friendship, to really build a connection between them. I’m not sure how that turned out though. 
> 
> I know the gender-neutral pronouns can be distracting. Believe me, even I get confused and my momentum gets thrown off. However, that’s what makes using them even more necessary. As a psychology student, I strive to “normalize” the diversity of genders. I feel that by representing—albeit inadequately—such marginalized identities (Erwin = pansexual, Levi = gay, Hanji = genderfluid), I can somehow show my support.
> 
> By the way, we’re moving to Levi’s 3rd person PoV on the next chapter, so I really hope I can carry that out well.
> 
> I just also wanted to say that I can't believe some people actually feel excited for updates since I am a horrible multi-chap writer ~~and oh boy wasn't the last one such a trainwreck~~ but I feel so encouraged now and just (ノಥヮಥ)ノ
> 
> Till next!


	6. that's just my bigass fart, not the sound of me falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi is _so_ not playing housewife. Nuh-uh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music:
> 
> [Mr. Smith's Cleaning Guy | 4.5.6](http://8tracks.com/fangirl_feminista/mr-smith-s-cleaning-guy-4-5-6?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button) from [fangirl_feminista](http://8tracks.com/fangirl_feminista?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button) on [8tracks Radio](http://8tracks.com?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button).
> 
> [Bad Blood - Bastille | Lost at Sea - Zedd feat. Ryan Tedder | Uncharted – Sara Bareilles]

_Dirty_.

The wisps of smoke are black as night, and he reaches for a bottle of antiseptic. He can’t move, can’t even feel his hands. _Focus_. The dirt is nothing, a powerless element that can’t hurt him. Can’t hurt anybody. _Focus, focus._ He tries to start feeling his limbs again.

What he feels instead is his heart, beating like a frantic bird trying to escape. His guts burst and black, black smoke explodes from the hollow. A white and brown bird, two, three, too many, they’re all around him and chirping as wildly as his heart.

 _Movemovemove_.

The wisps erupt from his core, engulfing the birds. They flail in panic and fall dead on his feet. He musters the strength to lift his legs, heavy as boulders, to step over their beautiful corpses and run.

 _Sorrysorrysorry_.

The smoke follows him, is _in_ him, blurring his vision. There are no tears to wash them away. Revolving doors appear in his path and he frantically runs towards it, towards the pristine white cleanliness that lies beyond.

 _Make me clean_.

He pushes through the doors with all his might, choked by the smoke and shadows threatening to swallow him whole. When he reaches the other side, he glimpses a glint of gold. He blinks furiously to clear his vision and finally, it appears completely before him.

A gleaming golden bird, as huge as a human and as majestic as an archangel. Blinding against white. He wants to shout a warning for it to fly away, before the smoke kills it as well, but he can’t. A surge of desperation coupled with pure adrenaline shoots through his body.

_Leave me alone!_

The shadows fall away and dissolve into nothing. Then, he raises his head to meet the unflinching stare of the animal standing before him. Their eyes meet.

Blue. The clear, brilliant blue of a glacier, the calm surface of a pond.

_I have_

“…a job,” his voice comes out in a rasp. The alarm rings jarringly under his pillow and Levi’s eyes flutter open. “I have a job. Again. Today.”

Levi pulls himself out of the bed, feeling a surplus heaviness in his bones. Then, he remembers that he’s only had an hour of sleep and he spent the last day with a bunch of Beelzebub’s offspring. Rubbing his eyes, he scratches his chest through his shirt, only to be surprised by the strange softness of the cloth. He looks down on it, then it registers to him that he’s still wearing Erwin’s shirt.

He takes a curious sniff. He really does smell horrible.

As he’s pulling his shirt up, Levi glimpses his body reflected on his small, frameless mirror. He freezes, peering thoughtfully at himself. He must’ve gained weight in the past weeks, although he’s still considerably thin. Levi places a hand over his newly-formed abs, which feel strange under his fingers.

“You’re thinner than me,” she said before, her usually energetic voice tinged with disappointment and anger. Both of which were not directed towards Levi, he knew. Afterwards, she only used dirty colors on her palette.

Levi sighs deeply, closing his eyes.

After his quick but thorough shower, a formulaic routine Levi’s body has already memorized, he takes a last long look at his apartment. If it could even be called that, at least, it really looks more like a sleeping cabin than a living space. He doesn't mind the limited area and the obvious wear and tear, so long as it’s clean. And it is, spotlessly so.

But it’s never enough.

“Levi!” a shrill scream erupts from outside. Levi groans inwardly. Then, hard, successive rapping on his door. “Brat! Good-for-nothing punk! How dare you sleep on my property!”

Levi opens the door, deadly calm on the face of his landlady’s fury. “I have a new job now. A better one.”

“A better one! A better one, he says!” the woman exasperatedly screams at him. “Pay me today, or I’m hauling your worthless shit out of my damn lot tomorrow!”

Levi has the sinking feeling that this is impossible, but in this situation, there’s no point to disagreeing. “Sure, sure,” he mutters as he expertly ducks under her arm. He almost regrets it when he gets a whiff of her armpit.

There’s not even enough money to take the train, so Levi would have to bike across the city. On one hour of sleep and an empty stomach. The last of his money went to the bird, but he can’t bring himself to regret the purchase.

 _If there is a god_ , _they must be a dick_ , Levi thinks when a freshly showered, positively glowing Erwin opens the front door, a stark contrast to his own bedraggled, famished and uncaffeinated self.

“Morning, Levi.” It’s just the usual greeting he’s been giving Levi back in the firm, but the effect is kind of different when he only has a towel around his waist and his hair is tousled and slightly dripping at the ends. Said drops are falling down his firm chest, the midline of his prominent abs—

Erwin’s friendly stare becomes amused, with not a little smugness. Levi has the overwhelming urge to smack him in his gorgeous face, but he figures that’s not a very good way to start a work relationship.

As if in spite, the gods choose that exact moment to bestow Levi a humongous stomach growl.

Erwin laughs, stepping aside to let him in. Levi grumpily stomps inside, slipping off his shoes before throwing his bag on the couch.

“Would you care for some breakfast?” Erwin offers, running a hand through his hair.

“Why don’t you dress first like a normal person?” Levi taunts him acidly, never mind that he’s actually gawking at Erwin’s so-called abnormal state of undress.

“Ah, yes. Elsewise you might forget to chew,” Erwin says smugly, disappearing up the staircase before Levi could spit out some cutting reply. He’s too busy watching that muscled back anyway, and did Erwin intentionally leave his towel hanging enticingly loose over his ass?

Levi has no problems admitting to his voyeuristic tendencies, but he doesn’t check out just anyone. The problem is Erwin looks like he’s sculpted by the aforementioned cursed gods.

“Help yourself, I’m joining you soon,” comes a muffled voice from upstairs.

Levi regards the spread of food on the table sullenly. If he were in his own apartment, he’d be nibbling on crackers downed by coffee for breakfast. When they were younger, those two always dreamed of feasts, until it got bad enough that they despised any craving altogether. In college, scholarship provided well enough for Levi, but by that time, he couldn’t look at decent food without remembering.

Memories suck like that.

Instead of confronting the food, Levi turns to the coffeemaker and pours himself a cup. _Well, shit_ , Levi thinks as he takes a sip. _This might be bitterer than a cumshot. From a steroid-addled dick_. He wants to curse Erwin and ask him if he’s so thirsty for it that he needs a morning cup, but something tells him that’s crossing the line to unacceptably inappropriate.

“You’re worse than a model before a fashion show,” Levi shouts crossly, eyeing the fruit and vegetable smoothie in the blender.

“Health is of utmost importance,” Erwin says, his steps down the stairs audible. Levi turns around to face him. “Plus, I have to set a good example for Hanji.”

None of those words register in Levi’s mind.  

While possibly nothing beats Erwin’s look when he’s clothed exclusively by his skin, a three-piece jet black suit is a close runner-up. Levi can’t help but be overwhelmed, excuse him for being a very visual person. It’s not like Levi hasn’t spent a solid month seeing Erwin in suits, but _three-piece suits_.

_Unnecessary proof that I’m really gay, Exhibit A._

“Levi?”

“I’m checking out my new boss,” Levi admits without batting an eyelash, proud to have expressed himself in a G-rated manner.

Erwin blinks at his bluntness. “I thought you were feeling faint from hunger. Coffee is not good on an empty stomach.” His blue eyes look clearer and less guarded when they're tinted with surprise. Levi feels a sense of déjà vu at the sight. “Or were you waiting for me to pull your chair?”

If Erwin doesn’t stop, Levi will end up jobless again, and with a homicide record. “Shut up and eat,” he growls while pulling himself a chair. Erwin winks at him as he pulls his own chair, eyes twinkling with laughter. Levi feels the urge to pull him by his blue silk tie and sock him. That, or shove his tongue down his throat.

No wonder Erwin’s physique is perfect. Levi stares at the chicken and egg omelet on his fork—the omelet is _baked_ , what the frick—and takes a cautious sip of the smoothie. It actually tastes good, to Levi’s astonishment.

He looks at Erwin, who is adding a ridiculous amount of sugar and milk to his coffee while reading what Levi assumes to be the news on his tablet. “Aren’t we going to talk about the terms of my employment?”

Without looking up, Erwin replies, “Well, we’ve settled the tasks to be done and the corresponding compensation. We need more time to discuss the finer details so let’s reschedule that settlement to a more conducive time.”

“Stop talking lawyer to me,” Levi says. Erwin suddenly looks up at him, his professional face melting into mild contrite. “Sorry, Hanji also complains about that whenever we have breakfast.”

Levi is about to answer, when Erwin’s words finally register on his mind. “Oh, God no.”

As if on cue, an overeager kid in elephant-print pajamas bursts out of a bedroom door. “Levi! My crap buddy! My shit soulmate! Wait there, I’m just gonna get my morning sustenance.”

As Hanji disappears into the kitchen, Levi feels the brunt of his indignation literally heating his face. “I’m a janitor,” he says, gritting his teeth. “Not a _nanny_.”

“A shame. I would’ve paid you double to entertain Hanji,” Erwin says, as if dangling a carrot in front of a horse.

Levi’s ears perk up shamelessly at the word “double”. Afterall, beggars can’t be choosers, and Levi is practically a beggar at this point. Erwin chuckles. “But, Hanji won’t be staying here much longer. Zir father returns from a business trip tomorrow.”

Levi feels relieved, although his pockets are disappointed. “You’d leave a kid to a virtual stranger just like that?” he says in a flat voice, clapping twice. “Uncle of the year.”

“The firm does stringent background checks on all employees,” Erwin reasons. “You wouldn’t have been hired in the first place if they glimpsed a trace of dubious on you. And there’s good security in this house as well.”

“There goes my ransom,” Levi says dryly. Hanji pops into the dining room.

“This house is a culinary bootcamp,” ze says mournfully. “But at least there’s excellent coffee. And Levi is here!”

“Forget it. No ransom will ever be enough for me to take on this shitty brat,” Levi grunts with cold fury as Hanji jumps on his lap.

Erwin has the decency to look apologetic. “Just for today. I owe you one.”

 “Say, Erwin,” Levi says after a moment. “You don’t happen to need a bike, right?”

* * *

Seeing Erwin on his third-rate bike would’ve been hilarious, not to say fortunate for Levi’s finances. Sadly, Erwin wasn’t gullible enough to say yes. However, he was sharp enough to figure out the state of Levi’s funds (or lack thereof) and kind enough to loan him money for rent. Levi would’ve refused, but he’d rather sleep on a bed with his bruised pride than on a bus station with his pride intact.

That pride suffers another blow when Erwin unexpectedly returns home early and sees Levi on all fours, clad in a cleaning apron, gloves, face mask and his boxers. It’s been a long time since Levi stopped being compulsively possessive of himself, but he could feel those eyes burning holes on his back during his brief walk of shame to the bathroom. It only gets worse when he remembers the glorious state of Erwin’s body from that morning. It takes Levi at least five minutes to calm down the consequence of that recollection, within which he curses his male anatomy.

Being not a little resentful, he decides to make Erwin feel as mortified as he does. “I saw your porn.”

Erwin shrugs. “Those CDs were clean, if that’s what bothers you.”

Levi raises an eyebrow. “Do you want me to stay away from any particular stashes in the future?”

“That’s the only stash I have,” Erwin admits unabashedly. “It’s quite a collection already, isn’t it? Unless you’re talking about the tools.”

“Would it be fine if I told Rico about this—“

“Don’t push your luck,” Erwin says, finally breaking into a smile. “And I’m quite sure you won’t do that.”

“Why the hell not, geezerwad?”

“Because you take pride in your work,” Erwin says, loosening his tie. That neck… Levi could imagine all too clearly what he wants to do with it, and Erwin would have to wear scarves for a week if he acted on that. “And I trust you more than I should.”

“Yeah, me too,” Levi blurts out without thinking. He freezes upon realizing what he’s just said.

“Really,” Erwin says pensively, pausing in the act of removing his vest, eyes fixed on Levi. He’s twenty-seven, for Christsakes, but somehow Levi could actually hear the pounding in his veins. _Fuck those baby bullshit blues_.

Instead of answering, Levi grabs his messenger bag and makes his way to the door. “Good work today,” he says flatly before stepping out, not even sparing Erwin a last glance. Levi doesn’t exactly need him to see the confusion on his face, because what the freaking fuck he actually _does_ trust Erwin, he’s already let him see _them_ at least, and oh god didn’t he go on and on telling him more of himself than anyone else he’s known since _that_ day?

“Wait,” Erwin says, piercing through the flood of his thoughts. To run away now would be odd, so Levi stays in place.

Erwin closes the distance between them, walking towards the threshold so that they are standing face to face. He seems to be ready to say something, but when Levi averts his eyes, he lets the silence stretch on. Then, he steps back inside the house and stands right behind Levi.

“Good work today,” Erwin says in a tone that is somewhat tender, standing close enough that Levi could feel his breath on his ear. Erwin slips his salary in his free hand, his long, warm fingers lingering a moment longer than needed. His voice drops to a whisper. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Levi hopes that Erwin doesn’t sense the shiver that runs from his nape to the tips of his fingers. Not trusting his voice, he simply nods and walks briskly out of the compound.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dream sequence because I am hella weird and trying to be deep. Also seeing Erwin ~~fresh out of the shower~~ in three piece-suits is enough morning sustenance for me.
> 
> ~~Also my thing for Levi in cleaning gear and nothing else stays between us or I will cut your throat haha~~


	7. don’t know what i thought, but i'm awake now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin gets a house call. Levi chances upon Erwin’s yearbook.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music:
> 
> [Mr. Smith's Cleaning Guy | 7.8.9](http://8tracks.com/fangirl_feminista/mr-smith-s-cleaning-guy-7-8-9?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button) from [fangirl_feminista](http://8tracks.com/fangirl_feminista?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button) on [8tracks Radio](http://8tracks.com?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button).
> 
> [7: All In - Lifehouse | Guarded – Kevin Daniel | Down - Jason Walker]

“Will I get to see Uncle Levi again?”

“I’m not your uncle, brat,” Levi immediately counters, voice dripping with acid. “There’s only one shitty oldie right here.”

“Okay,” Hanji nods, unfazed. “Will I get to see my shit soulmate again?”

It’s a good thing Levi doesn’t take after his father, otherwise this kid would be black and blue before ze could cry out to zir daddy.

“Manners, Hanji,” Erwin chides zir lightly. “Your father is coming soon, and he would not appreciate this liberty of speech.”

“Which is why you should just let me stay here,” Hanji whines. “Every day I spend with him, I go to bed with fewer brain cells. I don’t know what mom saw in him.”

Levi sees Erwin stiffen slightly, a veil of seriousness falling on his features. “He’s still your father, Hanji,” he says, and at the formality in his voice, Levi assumes that the father is not Erwin’s sibling. “You’re not an orphan.”

“No, I have you,” Hanji says with a wide grin. The look ze shoots Levi seems to hold more meaning than it should. “Who knows, maybe this grumpgrouch shorty too.”

It’s hard to come up with a decent retort when he’s just about as tall as a twelve year-old kid. “Pray your old man comes soon, or you’ll know the pain that a pain in the ass like you deserves.”

Erwin whispers to Hanji, not so softly, “He has a particularly unpalatable sense of humor.”

“You make horrible pun jokes too!” Hanji loudly proclaims. “You two are geezer dorks! You should marry each other!”

Levi wonders if he should still comment on being called a geezer dork, but the look on Erwin’s face seems worth the insult on his own person. Levi could practically see his soul flying off from his body. The sound of an engine entering the compound jolts him back to life, at least.

“C’mon,” Erwin says, gently prodding Hanji toward the door. Slightly slumped, ze follows. Levi hangs back at the living room.

A gruff-looking bearded man with disturbingly dark eyebags appears on the doorway. He moves to wrap Hanji in a bear hug, but the exchange is painfully awkward. It’s a complete contrast to Erwin and Hanji’s effortless rapport, and Levi thinks he now understands why ze prefers to stay here.

“I hope your trip went well, Kitts,” Erwin says politely, as if Hanji’s father is his client. “Do you want some coffee or tea…?”

“Uh, no thanks,” Kitts, who looks horribly mismatched with his name, declines stiffly. “Thank you, for taking care of her birthday.”

Erwin nods with a pleasant smile on his face. Hanji glumly waves goodbye.

“Well, we’re finally going to have a taste of peace and quiet around here,” Erwin says with a sigh. He looks more sad than relieved, though.

“I could sense the awkward from here,” Levi grunts, clearing the remnants of their breakfast.

“I’m afraid he doesn’t like me that much,” Erwin explains with a brief bar of wry laughter. He takes a seat near the table Levi is cleaning. “I only worry for Hanji’s well-being. To be alienated from your own father, at such a young age. Especially when you don’t have your mother anymore.”

Levi pauses in wiping the table. He assumed that Hanji’s mother is somewhat incapacitated, given that ze has no option but to stay with Erwin when zir father leaves for business. However, the tone of his speech makes it clear—his sister is dead. Erwin pinches the space between his eyes and sighs.

Levi is not very good at comforting people, not that he’s felt the desire to do so in the recent past. When confronted by a song of deep blue and grief, the only thing Levi could do is to smear it black. “Well, he doesn’t like zir that much either,” he says, pulling himself a chair on Erwin’s right side. “Hanji belongs more with you. A Smith through and through.”

“You’re adorable when you’re trying to make someone feel better,” Erwin says with a tired smile. Levi doesn’t like his sentimental side, but there’s really no point denying that he has a soft spot for those damned blues anymore. “Shut up. You’d be a shit father. Your food will turn your rugrat into a rabbit and it would be speaking exclusively legalese by first grade. Plus, its inheritance of porn will suck.”

Erwin finally laughs a true laugh, his shoulders shaking. His eyes remind Levi of a storm clearing to give way to the sun, its bright rays slanting through the shallow ocean. Blue. _What colors would this be?_ He finds himself wondering. _Right here, this vision, I could—_

He couldn’t. Levi decided long ago that he would never be that person anymore.

“Don’t chuck it till you’ve watched it,” Erwin says, eyes bright with mirth. “Unless you already—”

“Dirty old fuckturd,” Levi says, throwing the dishrag at Erwin’s face.

* * *

A Sunday in Erwin’s service is considerably better than a free Sunday. Erwin is open-handed with his food and drink, instructing Levi to get anything he wanted and feel right at home. Levi knows all too well that he’d probably spend the whole day cleaning his apartment anyway, only this time, his mind is free of the shadows and basking in the rare presence of an actual companion. Getting paid for everything is also a considerable incentive.

Levi is surprised when Erwin doesn’t give a mile-long list of touch-me-nots, given the outrageous reaction he had to having his office cleaned without supervision before. And while it’s not all that hard to predict that Erwin would take his work at home—he’s exactly that type—another surprise is the way he works. Clad in a cashmere sweater and sweatpants, Erwin puts on his glasses and curls into whatever position he deems suitable. Levi swears he catches him stealing glances—sending currents up his spine every time—but soon enough, his pile of paperwork diminishes into nothing.

“I’m making tea,” Levi mutters under his breath while vacuuming the windowsill behind Erwin.

“Hmm?” Erwin peers up at him from his recliner, eyes blown wider under the lens of his glasses. The sunlight falls just at the perfect angle on his high cheekbones and damn it, it’s not Levi’s fault that he’s a visual person.

“I said that bolo tie is ugly,” he says flatly, making his way to the kitchen counter.

Erwin picks up the jade stone of his bolo tie. “It’s a gift,” he simply says, peering at it.

“Whoever gave that to you must have a dubious character,” Levi scoffs, preparing the brewing apparatus.

“I guess you’re right,” Erwin replies, and Levi could almost hear the smile in his voice. Levi whips around.

“Who gave—“

Erwin’s ringtone buzzes, and when he sees the caller ID, he picks it up right away. Erwin starts talking in a language Levi could neither comprehend nor identify, punctuated by laughter and amused shakes of the head. Levi surmises that it couldn’t be a client.

“It’s a client,” Erwin says after he ends the call. “I’ll be out for a while, but I’ll be back before dinner.”

* * *

Erwin’s room is like its owner manifested in interior design. The bed is low and wide, its headboard simple and modern but stately. The flooring is cobalt blue carpeting, hell for a cleaner but heaven under Levi’s feet. The lights are deliciously dim, and when Levi runs his fingers on the pristine duvet, he couldn’t help but imagine how Erwin would look like on it. Naked. Many artists would find such a subject irresistible. Levi wonders how those muscles would be cut by this lighting, how that face would look bathed in shadows.

What color do those eyes have when they’re darkened by the night, suffused with lust? Levi is itching to capture that image with his palette, with his fingers. Maybe he would touch the subject itself. Maybe he should just ask Erwin, he might—

Instead, he shoots up from the bed, reaching desperately for his cleaning tools. A change of environment would help. There’s no better time to remind himself of who he is, and who he isn’t.

The library is a lot safer, a place where Levi can easily place the Erwin he sees striding into the firm. He spends a good couple of hours scouring every nook and cranny, using the appropriate tools to clean every type of book. He checks everything twice over, feeling his pulse hasten at the thought of a missed corner. When he’s done, Levi decides to take a short break, maybe a cup of that divine tea Erwin has…

Then his eyes fall on the dark red hardbound in the remote part of the shelf. To tell the truth, it’s been at the back of Levi’s mind since he first saw it. He’s not supposed to—if the situations were reversed, Levi knows he’d be livid. But then again, Erwin said he doesn’t mind Levi seeing anything here.

The Erwin of ten years ago doesn’t look much different from that of the present, if a little softer on the jaw and in the eyes. Top of the class, vice-president of the student council, captain of the basketball team—apparently the national champions. This is a boy who’s set to go to a prestigious law school, and then to senior partnership. Levi knows from working at the firm that most people who share Erwin’s rank are at least ten years older than him. He must have extraordinary competence and a strong sense of purpose to be where he is now.

What strikes Levi is that he used to be the same. He never made it as far as the college yearbook, but there were times when he stood receiving applause and good critique, when the colors actually found their way to the canvas, when he thought his art could somehow save him.

There was a time when he had inspired faces looking up to him in admiration and respect, even dear friendship. Until those faces started reminding him too much of ghosts, until his paints exploded and engulfed him in fumes.

It seems all too clear to Levi now.

Erwin has his life together, a regal piece of architecture thriving in the heart of a city. Neat lines, strong foundations, nestled on perfect white. Levi can barely hold himself together, much less pick up the pieces of his life. He’s the aftermath of an implosion, against the bleak grays and vicious blood reds. His past is a ruin and his future is just a dark blank space.

Levi suddenly can’t remember what ever made him think that this…association with Erwin could ever work.

* * *

When Erwin returns that night—before dinner, as he said so—his face is alight, like he’s just had a topnotch massage or a day in the beach.  Levi is standing behind the kitchen counter, making sure to remove his gloves out of Erwin’s sight. The skin is angry red, scabs opening from the calluses and bruises already forming.

“It went well,” Levi says, already not caring about the answer. Erwin hesitates, just for one brief moment, but Levi has become attuned to the hues of his eyes. It happens way too fast for him to interpret, yet he’s sure there’s something there.

“You could say that,” Erwin remarks while loosening his tie, his eyes averted. “I’m in the mood for home-cooked dinner, you up for a kitchen showdown?”

Home-cooked. Standing in someone’s kitchen, touching food containing who knows how much lipids, wearing aprons and matching smiles. A normal Sunday night. That won’t do.

“I can’t,” Levi says, feeling numb. Good. All good. Except the way Erwin’s face falls from animated expectation to disappointment, quickly morphing to realization at the look on Levi’s face. Whenever they’re together, Levi has always felt that Erwin could read him better than he’s comfortable with.

This is really the way it’s supposed to be.

“Then,” Erwin says, his jaw tight. Levi has yet to see him upset, and this is probably the closest he ever will. Erwin reaches for his pocket, taking out his wallet. Levi glimpses all the cards, the crisp notes, and he goes cold. Erwin takes out what Levi is sure to be more than what they agreed upon, and hands it to him without once glancing at the money. Levi is not sure what Erwin is trying to prove, and he has never been good at reading people. Anyway, he doesn’t care anymore.

“For your good service,” Erwin finishes, looking at him with a pleasant smile—his lawyer smile. Levi doesn’t bother with courtesies, because he doesn’t belong to Erwin’s world and he’s never learned Erwin’s ways.

Instead, he grabs the money and shuts the door behind him without looking back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy February, everybody! Let’s welcome the season of love with an angsty chapter hahahaha
> 
> I’ve had tons of fun with the lighthearted parts, but I also realize that things are going way too smoothly for this to be believable. I just think Levi and Erwin are so different that it’s impossible for them to just fall in bed together, in both the literal and figurative sense. 
> 
> Anyway, a lot of things would turn 180 degrees next chapter, so please stick with me a little while longer.
> 
> Till next!


	8. suits me just fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin needs to get his shit together. Levi makes a friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music:
> 
> [Mr. Smith's Cleaning Guy | 7.8.9](http://8tracks.com/fangirl_feminista/mr-smith-s-cleaning-guy-7-8-9?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button) from [fangirl_feminista](http://8tracks.com/fangirl_feminista?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button) on [8tracks Radio](http://8tracks.com?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button).
> 
> [8: Up in Flames - Coldplay | Sick Cycle Carousel – Lifehouse]

This is how it’s supposed to be, wandering down the wide aisles of a hardware superstore, under the bright fluorescent lights. Stainless steel and white tiles, cold and shiny and artificial. Devoid of color.

Levi loses himself for a while—his watch registers 8:32—before his stomach decides a nine-hour hunger strike is enough. His limbs are already starting to feel chilly. He remembers how she relished it then, the feeling of utter lightness and ice in her veins, and her hand felt icy indeed, when he last held it.

Levi doesn’t feel the desire to deny himself any longer, because the past is in the past. _“And I have no regrets,”_ didn’t Erwin say? He shakes his head, setting his purchase on the counter with unnecessary force. The cash registrar looks up at him, and she looks vaguely familiar. When she flips her jet black hair, Levi finally recognizes her—the girl from the bookstore.

She hands the bag of cleaning materials to Levi, her eyes black and empty. Levi finds that he can stand those eyes.

The city is crushing cold tonight, and Levi huddles even smaller into himself. Despite that, he loves walking downtown. Here, he is no one, people passing by and through him without leaving marks that could open into festering wounds. His stomach has stopped growling, but Levi forces himself to go find something to put in it anyway.

“Welcome to Rose Beans!” says the brawny blonde waiter half-heartedly. The place can barely be called a café, but at least the management has enough decency to not call it that. The coffee is dismal but the food is unexpectedly edible, and cheap enough for Levi to afford.

An impassive petite blonde is at the counter, taking Levi’s order in a deadpan voice. Whoever had the idea to put her up front needs a good lesson in customer service, but Levi is grateful for her presence now. He doubts he can tolerate some chirpy, patronizing barista at the moment.

He also tries to ignore the urge to identify the color of her washed out eyes, focusing on the black cash register instead.

“Hey man, got a problem?” says a gruff voice from behind the girl. He’s about twice Levi’s width, and a hell lot taller, but probably less of a fight than what he projects. Levi feels too weak to care though, and he’s about to step away when a group of people enters the door. The bulk of them blocks his way.

“A-plus customer service, Reiner,” an ash blonde teen who looks somewhat familiar calls out to the guy behind the register. His cocky grin added to this Reiner’s hotheadedness stinks of a juvenile fight. Levi makes a move to leave when a guy appears by his side, standing way too close for comfort.

“It’s you!” he yells like an excitable kid. Levi takes in the eyeliner and black lips. “Sir Levi!”

“Eren,” a slight blonde reproaches him, holding onto an arm to placate his friend. Levi remembers Erwin calling him Armin. “I’m sorry sir, he’s a bit…”

“Not a big deal,” Levi immediately says, eyes still on Eren. He has no idea what to say to him, but it doesn’t seem to be a problem since the brat starts talking a hundred miles per minute.

“The usual?” the barista calls out helpfully, noting the situation. Levi nods yes, gives the exact amount, and moves to disinfect his seat and table. Eren follows him eagerly, leaving his pack of friends. He tilts his head like a confused dog at Levi’s routine, but says nothing and waits for him to sit before he does so himself.

“Who told you that you could flop down your filthy ass in front of me, shitty brat?” Levi asks, arms crossed.

Eren goes tomato red to the tip of his ears, scratching the back of his head. “Can I? Sir?”

Levi is not a very compassionate person, but he finds that he can’t refuse the naïve hope so painfully evident in Eren’s face. “You have thirty seconds to explain why I’m being cursed by your pathetic presence.”

Eren splutters for a full ten seconds, starting various statements until he finally settles with, “Well, I guess…I mean you’re the only one who took the art thing seriously and I mean I…probably want to get to know you more?”

Levi stays silent for a moment. Eren deflates visibly. “Oh wow, that sounded a lot lamer out loud.”

Another waiter Levi internally refers to as Sweaty Beanpole appears beside them. “Uh, here’s your order, sir.”

Levi nods to him, and proceeds to ravage his food. Eren sits tight, watching him keenly. When Levi finishes, he disinfects his hands and finally snaps back to him. “You’re still here?”

Eren nods fervently. “I’m sorry if I’m weirding you out, I just…I mean…”

Levi sighs. He wants to feel exasperated, given all that has happened and how utterly exhausted he is, but the look on Eren’s face makes it impossible. “Kid, before you get things mixed up in your tiny if not nonexistent brain, I’m twenty-seven fucking years old.”

Eren blinks twice, looking a bit surprised. “Okay.”

“Also, the whole pedophilia thing is not my shit, you hearing me?”

“I’m not underage!” Eren vehemently declares, standing from his seat and pounding both hands on the table. It’s not the first time Levi has noticed how _intense_ this guy is. “I’m twenty!”

Levi is about to tell him to shut his bigass mouth, but then the light hits Eren’s eyes at just the right angle, and he is stunned speechless. Against the black of his thick eyeliner, Eren’s eyes are the deepest seas infused in emeralds, shining like the sun against this drab excuse for a café. Levi has no idea who this kid is, besides the sights he’s shown him in that bookstore and the sights he’s seeing in his eyes now. But it’s enough.

Enough to cement him to his seat. Enough to make him want to hold his brush again.

“Levi.”

The voice pierces Levi’s reverie. He feels as if a bucket of ice water is being emptied over his head, drowning the warmth of Eren’s eyes. He doesn’t need to turn to see who it is, but Levi does so anyway. Standing behind him in this miserable café is Erwin, looking ridiculously out of place in his silk black shirt, gray trousers and polished designer shoes. His face is completely indecipherable to Levi, his eyes dark under the shadows.

No one speaks for a moment. Levi feels like he should say something, what the hell it should be he doesn’t know, and anyway why does he feel like explaining himself?

In the end it’s Eren who breaks the silence. “Mr. Smith! Whadya doing around these parts?”

Erwin turns to him with a friendly smile. “Hello, Eren. Armin told me you work regularly in the bookstore now. How are you doing?”

“I’m good!” Eren replies enthusiastically, but with a hint of shyness. “Um, I didn’t know you and sir Levi were gonna meet here…”

“Ah, no,” Erwin refutes mildly, glancing at Levi before turning back to Eren. “You were in the middle of something…?”

“Oh, no, no it’s okay!” Eren says. “I’ll talk to you later, Levi, sir. See you around Mr. Smith!”

Eren practically bounds away, still slightly turned towards Levi. He finally settles on a seat across the café with his group of friends.

Neither of them speaks for a few seconds. Then, Levi hears Erwin sigh softly.

“May I sit here?”

“You never asked before,” Levi replies. “Why start now?”

Erwin sits across him, on the seat Eren was moments before. Levi thinks of how different they are, steel and gold against the ocean of summer slashed with black. Sweaty Beanpole comes over, because of course a customer like this is an exception to the pay-as-you-order rule. Erwin asks for a cup of tea.

“You just asked for hot bitter water, idiot,” Levi taunts him. “They got none of your earl grey here.”

“I didn’t come here for the tea anyway,” Erwin says solemnly, meeting and holding his eye.

“The food is shit on a plate too,” Levi says, leaning back and fixing his stare on Eren’s table. A freckled guy notices and points at Levi’s direction. Eren looks at him from over his shoulder and blushes profusely.

“I was going to grab dinner down the next street, not here,” Erwin continues, settling into his seat. “But I saw you from outside.”

“Go get your dinner before your bigass stomach decides to retire, old man,” Levi says without looking at Erwin.

“I take it you won’t be joining me?”

“No thanks. I love this place,” Levi declines without any qualms. “It suits me just fine.”

“It’s a good pun,” Erwin says with shining eyes. “Roast beans. Rose beans. Get it?”

 _Goddamnit_. “Shut up, king of dorks,” Levi rebukes him, shaking his head in amusement despite himself.

“I’m sorry,” Erwin suddenly says, trying to meet Levi’s eyes. “About before. I don’t know why I reacted that way, I…”

Levi doesn’t want to have this conversation, doesn’t want to know how well Erwin has read him again. He doesn’t want to remember how much they’ve already shared in the span of a weekend, and how he chose to turn his back and run away.

“But I do know,” Erwin says, talking more to himself than to Levi. “It seems that I like you more than I thought.”

Erwin’s phone rings at that exact moment, and Levi releases the breath he didn’t know he’s been holding. He nods, and Erwin picks up the phone without breaking his gaze on Levi. He’s fairly sure it’s the same person who called before, since Erwin starts spewing those strange words again. When the call ends, a flicker of reluctance flashes in his eyes, and Levi finally connects the dots.

It’s the same reluctance that Levi saw when he talked about Erwin’s _client_.

“You may not be lying,” Levi says, wondering just how low Erwin thought he would stoop. “But for you, anyone will do. Go.”

Erwin says nothing, and that in itself speaks volumes, but he tries to catch Levi’s eye. To say something, maybe. Levi doesn’t want to hear it, whatever it is. After a full minute, Erwin stands, leaves some money by the counter, and walks out the door.

Levi doesn’t watch his retreating back, because he wants to remember Erwin as either his semi-friend or his high-powered boss. Not as someone else’s date.

When the gods rained sense of timing upon the earth, someone apparently stayed at home because why the fuck is this brat approaching his table at the worst moment Levi could think of? Before he could walk away, Eren is upon him, all black smile and tanned skin and those untroubled color-shifting eyes.

He’s back like nothing happened.

Isn’t that exactly what Levi wants?

“So, I was uh…wondering,” Eren starts, a weird mix of timid and excited. “There’s this really awesome underground art installation today, and the artist is my friend…it’s not gonna be packed or anything, I was thinking maybe we could go check it out?”

Levi turns his full attention on him, and at once he’s sure he actually trusts this brat not to be some druggie organ-harvesting jackshit.

“Since, you know…” he babbles on, as awkward teenage boys do. “You don’t seem to have anything planned with Mr. Smith…”

Levi considers him for a moment, remembering the stirring he felt that night in the bookstore. He swore he’s not that person anymore, that he won’t let himself be consumed again but…with this wide-eyed kid, maybe it’s possible.

Levi collects his belongings and stands. “Make sure this won’t be crap, shitty brat.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **IMPORTANT** : There's going to be Ereri interaction here. I have to apologize to people who might've thought this would be pure Eruri. I realize now that this might be a problem for people who want absolutely nothing to do with Ereri. It was an honest mistake, coming from the pov of an Eruri AND Ereri shipper. I thought before that announcing it would be a spoiler and it may not even actually happen. Plus, I don't want to mislead people into thinking that this would be a classical love triangle thing. **It's Eruri guys,** but the Ereri part has become essential to the plot and character development now.
> 
>  _That being said, from now on I would say in the beginning note if an Ereri interaction would happen in a chapter._ Please let me know in the comments if you have any reactions about this. If you're a pure Eruri shipper but you still want to read this, how should I go about in alerting people? Thank you!


	9. no no no fuck no

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi gets a blast from the past. Eren discovers how close he has been to Levi all along. Erwin realizes that patience isn’t always prudent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music:
> 
> [Mr. Smith's Cleaning Guy | 7.8.9](http://8tracks.com/fangirl_feminista/mr-smith-s-cleaning-guy-7-8-9?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button) from [fangirl_feminista](http://8tracks.com/fangirl_feminista?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button) on [8tracks Radio](http://8tracks.com?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button).
> 
> [9: Touched – VAST | Hate and Love - Jack Savoretti feat. Sienna Miller | The Devil Within - Digital Daggers]
> 
> _Both Ereri and Eruri will appear in this chapter._

_Dirty_.

The wisps of smoke are black as night, and he reaches for a bottle of antiseptic. He can’t move, can’t even feel his hands. _Focus_. The dirt is nothing, a powerless element that can’t hurt him. Can’t hurt anybody. _Focus, focus._ He tries to start feeling his limbs again.

What he feels instead is his heart, beating like a frantic bird trying to escape. His guts burst and black, black smoke explodes from the hollow. A white and brown bird, two, three, too many, they’re all around him and chirping as wildly as his heart.

 _Movemovemove_.

He catches the eye of one of them, maple syrup simmering with fear—

It’s Petra.

One by one, those birds meet him in the eye, burning bright colors that tear at his heart. Seafoam green, dark as a storm— _Isabel no_ —clear sapphires, sharp as icicles— _Farlan please_

 _Sorrysorrysorry_.

The wisps erupt from his core, engulfing the birds. They flail in panic and fall dead on his feet. He musters the strength to lift his legs, heavy as boulders, to step over their beautiful corpses and run.

 _Make me clean_.

He runs, but it’s too late. He’s being choked by the smoke and swallowed by the shadows. He is sweating his blood, wailing without sound, when he knows he’s just suffering the consequences of his choices. But then it appears. A bronze bird radiating heat, its eyes filling his vision.

Their color is the lovechild of the sky and sea, forged with sunshine. Not quite turquoise, ever-changing, plaintive and innocent. The color of hope. And it says—

_He saw_

“…us.”

The first thing that registers is the ringing of his phone. Levi takes it to the front of his face, wincing at the flood of light from the screen. There’s a text message.

 _“Please say something_.”

Levi pinches the bridge of his nose. He doesn’t want to face the consequences just yet, but Eren is too urgent, _too real_ to deny. Levi made a decision that he trusts, but somehow he can’t imagine living with it. Then again, there’s no way of knowing if you’ve made the right choice until you see the results, only that—

 _Erwin saw us_.

When Levi got home to his apartment last night, he defied the urge to just fall on his bed and made his way to the showers. He scrubbed himself frantically, trying to get lost in the strong scent of his antibacterial soap and the deathly chill of the water. When he stepped out, there was a message in his phone.

_“Are you reporting tomorrow? Since you were up until morning, maybe it’s better for you to sleep in.”_

What sense is there in advising your employee to sleep in when his call time is 2 fucking pm? What sense is there in asking someone to skip work after telling them you want them but you don’t want them enough? And what sense is there in making it perfectly clear that you saw that goddamn employee out in the streets midmorning with his—

* * *

Eren had shown Levi the first underground scene he _loved_. His experience had mostly been in shanties teeming with insecure, angst-ridden teenagers trying to be _alternative_ when all they have is a bloated sense of superiority and a desire to be discovered. Not to mention, the unspeakable amount of muck and germs covering every inch these creepers can get their hands (among other filthy things) on. Even ten years ago, Levi would’ve run at the sight of an underground hangout from a mile away.

Take away the pretentious angst, the thinly-veiled vanity, and there’s the true essence of underground art—raw talent, unshackled emotions, pure heart.  And Eren—

Eren was a work of art.

“Hey,” Eren said gently, head turned towards Levi. In that world, Eren was a different person. Aboveground, the fire erupts from his pores. Undergroung, that fire is soundless magma flowing through his veins. Composed, the fire confined to his rapt face, because he was completely in his element.

Levi nodded, and concern receded from Eren’s expression. They stood side by side, looking up at a magnificently grotesque piece that some anonymous prodigy created. It’s rough around the edges, Levi would admit, but the potential was definitely there. There’d been a restless feeling in Levi’s core, an ambiguous tingling running on his skin.

Eren looked down and twiddled his thumbs. “It’s just…sometimes, it feels like you get lost you know?”

* * *

Why is Erwin pushing him away and confronting him at the same time? The man he knew was neither unkind nor a coward. He knows exactly what he wants and what he’ll do to get it. He’s not lost at all. Perhaps that’s Levi’s problem—he’s the only one like this when it comes to whatever’s between him and Erwin.

Levi has no answers, for the life of him, but he does know one thing: he’s hauling his ass to Kaiser-Reiss and earning money to keep his oxygen-wasting self alive. He makes a deliberate effort to chew his dry sandwich and gulp down instant coffee if only to prove that no, he’s not losing his mind over whatever Erwin fucking Smith did or did not see.

For all his resolve on giving absolutely zero shit, Levi is stunned motionless when he sees his boss through the clear glass walls of his office. Sitting ramrod straight in his imposing chair, Erwin is busy reading and signing some papers. But when he turns his head slightly, Levi sees it—Erwin’s eyes are troubled waters set on dark gray chalices. It’s the first time he sees the weight of stress on Erwin’s face. Otherwise, he is unruffled, suit perfectly pressed and hair neatly combed. 

_Erwin saw us._

* * *

Levi is not a perceptive person but even he saw that Eren liked him, way more than their young friendship warrants.

“Little shit. I’m seven years older than you, not seven years old.”

Eren chuckled. “Yeah, okay.” He looked around the place. “So…what do you think?”

Levi took a good look around himself. The place would be considered appallingly lit by a professional curator, and even more appallingly arranged. A mainstream artist would probably have a heart attack. Flickering amber lights illuminated the area, which resembled a cave in its pathways, twists and turns. The floor was tiled with drab gray vinyl, the walls uncemented and rocky. There was an amalgam of art media all over the place.

Every piece was torture to Levi, colors that cut too deep, shapes that stir up too many memories. But Eren had been a piece of insufferable sunshine, babbling away at every piece and smiling so wide it must’ve hurt. His heat was palpable even as Levi stood a few feet away.

And Levi couldn’t explain what’s in the kid, but all his fear had been _gone_.

* * *

Levi opens the glass door slowly, almost hoping Erwin would dismiss him without so much as looking up. However, the moment Levi steps in, he raises his head from the papers he’s signing to acknowledge him.

“Hello, Levi,” Erwin says pleasantly, a strange smile on his face. “Have you had your lunch?”

Levi pauses for a moment. So this is how it’s going to be, isn’t it?

“Yes. And sleep, which you seem to be in urgent need of,” Levi says, with a hint of anger in his voice. He shouldn’t—god knows he should be fine, ecstatic even, that Erwin’s acting like nothing happened.

But somehow, he’s really, really not.

“Very well,” Erwin replies, as if oblivious of the venom in his words. Levi is pretty damn sure he’s not. “Just proceed like how you previously cleaned this office. I would be gone 3 to 6, just go on until you’re done and wait for me to return.”

The Erwin who had once sat across him, looking pained while hearing about his regret, who stood by him at Isabel and Farlan’s grave, who said _I like you more than I thought_ —that Erwin is gone. Levi is not a good actor, but he’s quite good at lying to himself.

“Fine,” Levi says, and all at once it’s his truth. He’s _fine_.

* * *

“I think,” Levi’s voice dropped to a whisper, his eyes closing.  _I think you’re too much. I think you’ve quieted down some of my demons._  “I think your friend did a damn good job, guyliner.”

When Levi opened his eyes and turned towards Eren, he saw a face lit up like a kid on Christmas morning. There were fireworks in those eyes, before his pride reverted into a pout.

“Will you ever stop treating me like a kid?” Eren whined, moving on to the next piece. Levi followed him. Around them were about a hundred Erens, figures in black and metal, hair of various colors. Eren actually looked tame in comparison.

“What can I do when you look so much like one?” Levi said bluntly, in a tone that, of course, Eren took seriously. The gibe backfired when Eren abruptly turned around and their faces ended up an inch away from each other’s.

Levi expected Eren to blush, to splutter, to be a teenage boy. But he was in his territory, his natural habitat, and he’s suddenly capable of things Levi wouldn’t have thought he had in him.

“Is it the gothliner?” Eren took a step closer, and Levi automatically stepped back. “The lipstick?” And of course Levi’s gaze instinctively dropped down to those lips now, didn’t it? “The black getup?” Levi’s back was against the wall.

“Get off me, _Eren_ ,” he growled, feeling infuriatingly trapped.

Levi had about a second to see how Eren snapped out of it, before the lights went completely out. The crowd gasped around them. After a second of two, light suddenly bloomed on the ceiling, bathing the gallery in dim light.

“Oh,” Eren breathed out softly, fixated by the lightworks projected on the ceiling. Reds, blues and violets explode on the rocky surface, followed by a myriad of other colors.

_The colors were vivid on their canvases. She giggled like a cherub, throwing her stick-thin arms in the air. He laughed like the god of wine, deep and warm, drunk on denial. Levi sat watching them, stomach growling and heart swelling. They’re floating, they’re flying—_

“Levi.”

_They’re falling. She’s on the ground, a bag of bones in Levi’s arms. He’s smiling, broken to pieces, his cold fingers digging into Levi’s neck. “Promise me,” he said. “Levi—“_

“Levi?” Eren said, puzzlement and worry evident on his face. “You’re gripping me so tight. Are you afraid of the dark or something?”

Levi scoffed and balled his other hand to a fist. “Brat, do you seriously want to end up in a cast?”

But Eren was not looking at him anymore. His eyes were fixated upwards, and Levi would’ve followed his gaze instinctively, hadn’t he been frozen by the look in his eyes. Rain-drenched hydrangeas and wide-blown pupils, burning like the sun.

“Holy hell,” Eren whispered breathlessly, fingers tightening around Levi’s. “It’s _him_. They brought him in.” At that, Levi managed to snap out of his reverie long enough to look up.

His entire body went cold.

_No. Nonononono fuck no._

The frame was raised high above their heads, sprawling above the audience like a ship’s sail. The lights swirling around them were pale and drab compared to the symphony of colors and textures on the canvas, spanning twenty feet wide and ten feet tall.

It was crashing down and striking Levi right where he stood.

“I never thought they’d do this,” Eren continued, unaware of the catastrophe unfolding beside him. “But Petra did it, Levi, that’s the piece that—“

Levi turned on his heel and ran. For a second Eren was frozen in surprise, and then he was scrambling after him. “Levi! What—“

But Levi was not hearing him. He was not seeing anything except the face that suddenly blocked his path. Short straight hair the color of honey, birds about to take flight tattooed on her slim arm, and her eyes, wide with shock and sudden happiness—

“Petra.”

Eren caught up to them. “Wait, you know—“

Levi felt the ground disintegrating beneath his shoes. He had instinctively taken Eren’s hand and hauled them both forward, ignoring Eren’s small whelp when he stumbled on a rock. Levi had no idea where the way out was but he’s on the move.

“I’m sorry, please, wait!” Petra called out frantically from behind them, shoving her way through. A ceramic sculpture fell to the ground and shattered into pieces, but the thundering march of Levi’s heart was louder. He wanted to run, but his feet were heavy as lead. It was all he could do to see through the haze of his vision.

Petra didn’t stop her pursuit. “I’m sorry I brought it out! I just, we’ve been waiting for you for so long, _we’re still here_.”

Eren suddenly stopped on his tracks, and when Levi pulled at him, his feet remained firmly planted on the ground. He turned to Petra, still holding Levi’s hand in a vice grip.

“We’re leaving. Now," Eren declared, his voice a raging wildfire. “Which way is out?”

And god knew Levi didn’t need this shit, didn’t need some kid to blow up right with him. Most of all, Levi didn’t need anyone to protect him like that, unquestioningly and unflinchingly.

* * *

The tension is palpable, a blanket weight bearing down on Levi for the one long hour he spends in Erwin’s presence. While his boss clacks away at his laptop and signs papers, Levi invests himself into his job like there’s some prestigious award at stake.

At 3, Erwin leaves wordlessly, placing a key on the shelf Levi is currently cleaning. Neither looks at each other’s direction, which of course suits Levi just fine, because he shouldn’t be thinking of the colors of troubled waters on the job.

When Erwin returns, Levi is sitting on a chair, examining his day’s work. He doesn’t look up even as Erwin approaches, waiting for him to just place his payment on the table or maybe even on his lap or however the fuck he plans to make it clear that he’s just Levi’s boss now.

“Have dinner with me,” Erwin says after a few moments, and Levi looks up at him in shock before he can stop himself. What first comes to his mind is _this must be how he looks like when he’s about to go to court_ because Erwin looks like he’s on ice cold fire and armed to get whatever he wants.

Levi remains motionless, refusing to bend. May it be pride or spite, he doesn’t really give a shit anymore. He’s not dancing to Erwin’s beat along with some woman or man or whatever. He’s not dancing to anyone’s beat _period_ , would never let himself forget again.

Then Erwin adds, “Please.”

There is a strange mix of concern and defeat creeping its way into Levi’s heart. He just wants to let this end, and let it come back to a time where he would not be disturbed to see Erwin afraid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **For those who don't like Ereri** : Again, I sincerely apologize to all those I have unintentionally misled or upset. The only thing I could do to make up for my shortcoming is to invest myself in this fanfic and these characters, whom I love wholeheartedly. 
> 
> I prefer to interact with readers one-on-one in the comments section so if there’s anything you wanna discuss or clarify, please feel free to speak up. Feedback is the lifeblood of a fic writer.


	10. what if i tell you i want you to be only mine?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Levi find an unexpected connection. Erwin and Levi strike a deal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music:
> 
> [Mr. Smith's Cleaning Guy | 10.11.12](http://8tracks.com/fangirl_feminista/mr-smith-s-cleaning-guy-10-11-12?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button) from [fangirl_feminista](http://8tracks.com/fangirl_feminista?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button) on [8tracks Radio](http://8tracks.com?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button).
> 
> [10: Strange and Beautiful – Aqualung | Down for You – Ta-ku feat. Alina Baraz]
> 
> Ereri flashback happens at the first part of this chapter.

_Under the fluorescent streetlight, Eren was uncharacteristically silent, but he was drumming on the handlebar of Levi’s bicycle to some soundless rhythm. Levi finally realized that it’s not nervousness at all, but an outpouring energy that Eren can’t seem to tame. Even right there, basking in the cold of midmorning and the silence of the still air, Eren was warm. Alive._

_Bit by bit, Levi’s heartbeat calmed._

_They’re not exactly walking side-by-side, given that Levi’s bicycle was right between them. It would’ve been faster to just ride it, but Levi only had one helmet and he wasn’t in the mood for getting arrested. Besides, he cringed to think of Eren’s arms wrapped around his waist as they ride, like they’re some kind of disgusting childhood sweethearts._

_As if they weren’t already closer than Levi could handle._

_“I can take you all the way home, you know,” Eren offered. “I mean! Your home, all the way to your home, you know!”_

_Levi almost smiled. “How many times did your mother drop you as a kid?”_

_“Probably never,” Eren said, looking at his feet. “She was kinda out of it when I was young, so it’s actually mostly Mikasa, I mean my sister, who took care of me.”_

_“Mikasa,” Levi repeated, trying to place the name. The girl with black eyes suddenly flashed in his mind. “Red scarf girl?”_

_“Yeah, yeah, that’s her,” Eren confirmed, steering one handlebar of Levi’s bicycle slightly. “I gave her that scarf, ya know? And it kind of became her signature, like little red riding hood or something.”_

_“Little red riding scarf,” Levi said absently. His neck suddenly felt cold. “You seem pretty close.”_

_Eren chuckled bitterly. “Well, I can’t say we’re not, but we’re not all lovey-dovey,” he explained, looking far away. “Look at Mikasa, physics major. Look at Mikasa, taking her PhD. She could have gotten some bigshot job while finishing, but she’d rather do odd jobs and watch over me. And apparently I’m wasting my life doing something I love.”_

_When Levi said nothing, Eren turned to him. “Damn, that was so lame. Bitching to you about my issues.”_

_“That’s what you’re worried about?” Levi snapped at him. “You’re bashing someone who’s taking care of you and all you shit for brains could worry about is sounding like a pathetic whiny loser?”_

_Eren winced at his words, until they sinked in completely. “You…have someone taking care of you?”_

_“None of your fucking business, kiddo,” Levi said flatly, perusing through his plastic bag of cleaning materials._

_“I’m sorry. Sorry for being so pushy,” Eren immediately detracted, brazenly looking for Levi’s reaction. “I have this habit of bulldozing over boundaries. People hate that about me.”_

_Eren sounded so strange that Levi couldn’t resist the urge to glance at him. “Hey, brat,” Levi said, looking everywhere but on him. “Anger stems from fear. You have a way of getting under other people’s skin, and that’s why they’re shit scared of you, that’s all.”_

_Eren stopped walking, forcing Levi to turn to him._

_“Are you scared, then?” Eren asked, alight with daring._

_Levi decided then that Eren is very, very dangerous._

_“You should be scared of me,” Levi countered, letting his anger fill him to the brim, hatred pulsing through his veins. Was he scared? “Your little friend, Petra? Do you remember the look on her face when she saw me?”_

_Levi threw the bicycle aside, stepping forward so he was standing toe-to-toe with Eren. If this was what he wanted, to use those goddamn eyes to get past Levi’s defenses, so be it._

_“I was her senior in college. When she almost killed herself,” Levi said. “I pushed her to it.”_

_Eren’s eyes widened, but he didn’t take a step back._

_“There were others,” Levi continued, because when the dam’s broken there’s no way the current will stop rushing out. “Her name was Isabel. She starved herself to death competing with me, because I just can’t fix what’s wrong in my head. His name was Farlan. He committed suicide soon after.”_

_He was so scared he could die._

_“So stay away from me,” Levi warned furiously. He pointed at his temple. “This is a dark place, and you don’t want to get lost in it.”_

_Apparently, when the gods bestowed prudence, Eren was also locked away. “You made it, right?” he said, defiance glimmering in his eyes. “When I met Petra, she just came out of a psych ward. She showed me that last work you guys did, said it’s what kept her going. When I saw that thing, I knew art is all I could do.”_

_Bulldozer sounded about right, a bulldozer running on boundless energy. Eren was going a thousand miles per minute while holding Levi’s hand and it was just the second time they had met. “What do you want from me?”_

_“She told me the one someone who made it with them would never hold a brush again,” Eren’s voice lowered, as if the words could break him._

_“She’s right,” Levi said with all the ice he could muster._

_“Maybe she is,” Eren acceded. The pads of his fingertips grazed Levi’s hand with the lightest of touches. “Or maybe, the man I saw in the attic, who looked like the only person who loves art as much as I do…”_

_Once, art was his world too, but Levi can’t see through his anger and fear. “The man who made the piece that made me fight for what I want…”_

_Eren moved in to kiss him. “Maybe he would.”_

* * *

Levi packs his things silently, as Erwin stands by the door staring intently at his every move. They walk side by side, Erwin obviously slowing down relative to his usual power stride so Levi could proceed at his comfortable pace. A few curious stares follow them out of the firm, but Erwin proceeds like nothing is amiss, greeting colleagues here and there. When they exit the building, Levi sneaks a glance at Erwin. His face is the paradigm of purpose, but his eyes seem to be in a complete daze.

Erwin enters the first establishment they pass by, which turns out to be a classy French restaurant. Levi’s blue tank top, worn-out jeans and tattered denim jacket painfully stands out from the crowd. The waitress by the door graciously welcomes them, but Levi spots three waiters whispering and throwing glances at their direction.

Erwin seems to snap out of his reverie and pauses, but Levi ignores his hesitation. He doesn’t give a shit about the stares, and all he wants to do is to stop the flood of confusion and uncertainty in his head. If Erwin ends up feeding him any bullshit, Levi might as well get a good drink to wash it down. He heads straight for a seat at the most isolated corner of the restaurant, feeling satisfied when he senses Erwin following his lead. A waitress hastily follows them and hands them the menu.

Neither Levi nor Erwin even looks at it. Erwin orders some fancy champagne, without taking his eyes off Levi. The sky at dusk, with the sharpness of a lightning flash—Levi looks away.

“The best tea in this place,” Levi says without inflection, looking the waitress straight in the eye. To his surprise, she actually blushes. They sit silent after, until the flustered waitress comes back with their drinks. As she leaves, Levi turns his attention back at Erwin, who is smiling impishly. “It seems you have an appeal about you—“

“What do you want?” Levi is done running around in Erwin’s circles. If they’re heading for a collision, let it happen right here, right now—

“I want you,” Erwin declares bluntly, willfulness in the strong planes of his face.

Levi expected something along the lines of “Let’s just have a working relationship” or even “You’re fired”. Now he knows for sure what Erwin saw, or what he thinks he saw, and of course he couldn’t just back down, could he? Erwin Smith _always_ wins. He wouldn’t lose even someone he just spared a glance on to the likes of Eren Jager.

“If I turn you down,” Levi starts, stirring his tea to give himself time to gather his thoughts. In the end, he chuckles wryly, shaking his head. “Now that would be a lie, wouldn’t it?”

When he meets Erwin’s gaze, Levi sees a chink in his armor of confidence.

“I didn’t want you to push me away,” Erwin says, uncertainty clouding his eyes teal. Levi finds that he much prefers Erwin’s swagger over his concern. He doesn’t know how to handle people who can see his weaknesses.

“You’re flattering yourself, although I wouldn’t say it’s undeserved,” Levi says flippantly, waving his teaspoon. He sighs as if in resignation. “What else can I do? You win again. Best closer in town, Erwin Smith.”

“I haven’t closed the deal yet,” Erwin says, leaning forward. “Come out with me on Saturday.”

Levi could almost laugh to his face. “You believe in that bigass marketing ploy? Valentine’s Day, really?”

“It’s a convenient excuse, isn’t it?” Erwin says, laughing softly to himself. It throws Levi off when his expression suddenly darkens. “Be my Valentine, Levi.”

Levi doesn’t answer, he just takes the time to fully appreciate what’s in front of him. He’s a visual person, he really is, and Erwin is _Erwin_. A face and body carved by a master sculptor, clothed in expensive suits and irresistible confidence. The eyes of an angel, morphing into that of the most sinful devil with no warning. And that damn mouth, with those smooth words. Levi suspects that Erwin’s subordinates actually enjoy receiving commands coming from that mouth.

Coming from others, _be my valentine_ would be flat out repulsive, but coming from those lips, in that voice—it’s pure seduction. A thrill shoots down Levi’s spine, sparks fizzing at his fingertips, a fire igniting in his core. Only Erwin fucking Smith.

However, he seems to take Levi’s silence as hesitation. “Daniella and I—“

“If it’s me you’re asking out, then we don’t need to talk about her,” Levi cuts him off sharply.

“And Eren?”

“Is none of your business,” his voice comes out as a growl, without Levi meaning it to. It doesn’t take a genius to see what Erwin is implying, and Levi would _never_ paint those pure eyes with black betrayal. “I would never do that to him.”

“We hurt people without meaning to,” Erwin replies casually, swishing his wine. “But knowing that I’m not helping you cheat on anyone is enough for me.”

Levi couldn’t pretend he didn’t see it—the whitewash of hurt in Eren’s eyes when he pushed him away. When he told him they couldn’t be like that exactly because Eren is _Eren_. If being with Erwin is wrong, then being with Eren is unforgivable.

Erwin might’ve gotten it wrong, but he has no right to know any of it anyway. There is a part of Levi that wants to keep whatever’s between him and Eren all to himself, much as he wants to deny that. He scoffs at Erwin instead. “That’s _rich_ , coming from you.”

“There’s not enough between me and Daniella for me to be able to cheat on her,” Erwin says, a sudden gravity in his tone.

It tells Levi everything he needs to know, so he says what’s left unspoken. “But there is something anyway.”

“Just as there is something between you and Eren. I saw it, the moment I walked into that café,” Erwin says, staring at his wineglass. Levi never would’ve thought he’d ever see anything resembling jealousy on Erwin, but it’s not exactly that either. Erwin looks back up at him. “What about what’s between us?”

Levi raises an eyebrow, but the intense haze in Erwin’s eyes says he’s not buying it. There is unwavering conviction in his words. “Don’t pretend that there was nothing, Levi. Don’t pretend I was just a pretty face to you. There was _something_. And there still is.”

The problem is that Levi knows he’s right. But he’s not backing down yet. “What if I tell you I want you to be only mine?”

Erwin holds his gaze, eyes sparkling with amusement. “That’s _rich_ , coming from you.”

“Then let’s make a deal,” Levi says as casually as he can, raising his teacup. “I’m not yours and you’re not mine.”

Levi watches Erwin consider his proposition while sipping his tea. _For you, anyone will do_. But it’s okay now. _I’m not yours and you’re not mine—_ a ticket he could use when Erwin decides to hop back on the fast track and throw him out of his high-octane life.

A slow, wicked smile appears on Erwin’s lips, making Levi want to shove the table away and then shove his tongue in that damned mouth.

“Levi,” Erwin says, shaking his head slightly. His name sounds like sin in that voice. “You will be the death of me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Valentine's chapter next! I'll be doing it in two parts because I need my Eruri fluff fix **very** bad. The last chapters have been so stressful for everybody, so I'll dive right in the Vday bandwagon and have lots of fun ~~hmmm what kind of fun *wink wink*~~
> 
> That being said, I think the Vday chaps will be very critical in establishing exactly where Erwin and Levi go from here. It's complicated because they're already so close emotionally, and in fact they haven't even done anything yet physically. So it can't be like casual dating or a friends with benefits thing. I'm still trying to work it all out. 
> 
> Till next!


	11. be my non-valentine: erwin’s attack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two anti-Valentinians celebrate with a non-Valentine’s date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music:
> 
> [Mr. Smith's Cleaning Guy | 10.11.12](http://8tracks.com/fangirl_feminista/mr-smith-s-cleaning-guy-10-11-12?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button) from [fangirl_feminista](http://8tracks.com/fangirl_feminista?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button) on [8tracks Radio](http://8tracks.com?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button).
> 
> [11: Misery – Maroon 5 | Every Breath You Take – Karen Souza | Crazy in Love (2015) – Beyonce ]

“You’re going down today, Erwin Smith.”

“I sincerely do hope so,” Erwin says with a wicked glint in his eyes. He licks his lips, and Levi can’t help but follow that pink tongue, the tantalizing wetness of—

Those lips slowly curve up to a challenging smile. “Come over here, _Levi_.”

Levi doesn’t need to be told twice.

The flash of red comes like a viper’s strike, but Erwin swiftly dodges and dances to the right. He aims for the unguarded torso, but Levi is quick, taking a step back before he even draws his arm in to guard. Unfortunately, Erwin’s reach is far longer than his, and his hook connects. When Levi goes for a counterattack to his face, Erwin pulls back.

“Not that fast, boy,” he baits him, smirking. “Have you no love for this face of mine?”

“It’s not my fault. Your smug face is inviting to be hit,” Levi says with gritted teeth. He closes the distance with nimble footwork. His small reach has no chance for long-range fighting, but his more compact figure should give him advantage in extremely close quarters.

Erwin goes for a straight to stop his approach, but Levi dodges and goes for a hook-straight combo. He hears a very satisfying grunt from Erwin when his fists land, but his self-satisfaction quickly fades away when Erwin doesn’t even step back. It’s the muscles, Levi tells himself. His punches were nowhere near as weak as the reaction implies. But his hesitation takes its toll—Erwin steps back and gives him a light uppercut. Levi dances away, keeping up his footwork, but he’s starting to feel an indignant simmering inside him.

“When I told you to come at me,” Erwin starts, a bit winded. He grins and kisses his blue boxing gloves without breaking eye contact. “I meant come at me _hard_.”

Erwin wants to win and he’s used to getting what he wants, but Levi also hates to lose. He closes in, hastening his rhythm and making small, darting movements. This would tire a normal person, but Levi is the city’s best janitor and he could do this for hours. Erwin, on the other hand—

Erwin is radiating heat—his hot breath brushing on Levi’s hair, his ear, his neck. Levi shivers and lowers his center of gravity to stabilize himself. It’s no good if he could see Erwin’s face, flushed and glistening with sweat, eyes dark and flashing. Erwin tries to move his body to match Levi’s pace, feinting whenever he sees an opening, but the slighter man always moves a beat ahead. Those lithe muscles stretch effortlessly under his skin, obliques taut and limbs flashing—

When Erwin tries to blink into focus, Levi is on him at once, raining small jabs of pain on his body. He throws his arms around his smaller body to stop the onslaught.

“Aren’t you good at this,” Erwin says playfully, before breaking into a breathless laugh. He leans his cheek against Levi’s fuzzy undercut and tightens his embrace. “You’re hot as fire.”

“Yield now, old geezer, and I might let you off alive,” Levi growls, trying and failing to not lean on Erwin’s body.  His torso is hard as rock, the planes of his chest broad and pulsing, and some godforsaken force inside Levi is tipping him deeper and deeper into his arms.

Erwin’s tongue darts out to flick Levi’s ear. His voice drops to a low growl. “Finish me then, Levi.”

Levi feels heat rising to his face, among other places. His vision is starting to get hazy, and he could hear his blood pounding in his veins. It’s no good at all. But there is something else rising in Levi, a restless heat that thrums in his head. Somehow he’s pissed off, at this date, at Erwin.

“ _Daniella and I_ ”—he set his footwork again, averting his eyes from Erwin’s face, which he suddenly can’t stand. _There is something_ —Erwin throws a swift combo that cuts the air, but Levi knows him now, the movement of his body a predictable tempo. _For you, anyone would do_ —Levi’s skin is burning, his heart pounding, and finally he is past those muscled defenses.

Erwin counters his storm of punches blow-by-blow, but his composed technique has no force compared to Levi’s sudden fury. He angles his finisher just so and Erwin stumbles backward against the ring post. Levi traps him with a glare, his arms a cage around him.

“ _I win_ ,” Levi snarls, and Erwin is reminded of forged steel, gray and smoldering.

“What are you thinking of,” he murmurs, eyes dropping to Levi’s lips. They are slightly parted, breaths whooshing out in time with the rise and fall of his scarred chest. Erwin’s fingers clench tighter around the ropes. “Levi?”

 _I am not yours and you are not mine_. And yet, and yet—

Levi punches him in gut, and Erwin doubles over and falls down as soon as he steps away.

“You’re cruel,” Erwin moans, wincing and smiling at the same time. “I’m always on my knees for you.”

But somehow, Levi feels a bit less wound up, the anger sitting on his chest evaporating with his sweat. He steps off the ring and finds a towel to wipe his face with. “You keep coming back for more, shitstain. Maso-pervert.”

Erwin laughs, but stops midway when pain shoots in his stomach. “Wow, I just got owned.”

Levi lips twitch upward but he struggles to keep his face deadpan as Erwin approaches. “Some dashing suave machoman you are. You’re making this too easy for me.”

“That was just to loosen you up,” Erwin says, grabbing a water bottle and tossing it to Levi before getting one for himself. “We’re going to have an interesting day.”

Then Erwin tips his head back, his neck swathed with the sheen of sweat. He brings the bottle to his lips and drinks, his Adam’s apple bobbing with each hard swallow. Levi watches as beads of sweat slowly slink down his face, down to his collarbone, disappearing beneath his soaked shirt. He forces his eyes back up only to see a trail of water escape Erwin’s mouth and trickle down his wet lips.

When Erwin meets his gaze with a sly smirk, Levi gets a precise understanding of what Erwin means by _interesting_.

Well, two can play that game.

* * *

“Wasn’t that a shitty way to establish your royal manliness,” Levi scoffs at Erwin, before putting a forkful of pasta in his mouth. “

“What do you know? They say a true gentleman would never seek to beat his date,” Erwin says, unperturbed by the insult.

“Get a load of your bullshit pie. I was faster than you oafbag of muscles.”

“Don’t be so unappreciative of these muscles,” Erwin counters, his smirk knowing. “You took the liberty of checking me out, after all.”

Levi couldn’t say it’s untrue. During the fight itself, Erwin’s…assets had been a mild issue. After that, however, copious amounts of voyeurism did occur. Freshly showered Erwin is still quite different from flushed and sweaty Erwin—his chest rising and falling softly, his muscles taut as he did his cool-down stretches.

“Don’t think I didn’t notice the radioactive levels of pervert in your stares either, blonde buttsucker,” Levi retorts sharply. “I’m pretty sure I got some dirty old man-induced tumor in me now.”

“Not to worry. From my visual inspection, your body looks just _fine_ ,” Erwin says airily, cutting through his cake. “It looked to me quite—“ he put a spoonful in his mouth, his eyes alight with pleasure. “ _Exquisite_ ,” he finished before licking the remnants off his lower lip.

Levi isn’t buying any of these brazen flirtations. Sadly, his lower half is. “Why, _why the fuck_ do you eat cake right after exercising? How could a veggie smoothie no-fry omelette guy be a cheesecake enthusiast too?”

Erwin chuckles. “You ought to try it. Here,” he forks a mouthful and reaches for Levi’s mouth.

“I will smash your pretty face into that cake,” Levi growls, his face a storm.

“I have no complaint, so long as you lick it all off.”

“I’m really starting to think you’re not even trying,” Levi says, leaning back on his plush chair. “You challenge me to break your face then you take me to this jacked up fancy restaurant. Is this your idea of defeating me?”

“You slight me. I still have three hours,” Erwin says. “If I haven’t swept you off your feet then, you’re free to try besting me. I am very much looking forward to the date plan you think would outdo mine.”

“You know what’s tasty?” Levi pauses to chew and swallow his meal. “This pasta. And my victory over you. I would remind you that—“

“The one with the better date plan gets to make the loser do one thing of his bidding,” Erwin finishes for him. “You would never have to opportunity to demand it, but I am curious, what do you intend to make me do if you win?”

Levi feels the thrill of competition in his nerves. “No. The look of your face when I drop the bomb is part of my prize.”

* * *

“You were talking about winning and taking your prize?” Erwin says, his voice husky, but there is no mistaking the self-satisfaction in his words.

“Shut up,” Levi replies in a hushed tone, eyes wide and shining. “Just shut the fuck up.”

Levi is not a big fan of flowers, can’t even name anything besides a rose or a sunflower for the life of him. And yet, this—

This is _wonderful_. All around them is a plethora of colors on countless different textures and shapes. The light of dusk slanting through the tall glass windows give the blooms an alluring amber cast, offset with elusive shadows. The amalgam of fragrances is heady, but not overwhelming. Levi doesn’t know where to turn first, so he just wanders around in a daze.

“All my parents’ financial assets went to victims of misjudged cases,” Erwin says, trailing behind him. “All they left for us is the family home, and this greenhouse. My sister told me that it meant we have three inheritances from them. Justice, love for family and wonder for this world.”

“I still believe that, but sometimes, I forget,” Erwin continues with a hint of nostalgia. Levi freezes in his exploration, a veined lilac petal between his fingers. “And somehow, you remind me. That’s why I wanted to take you here.”

“Stop that,” Levi says, averting his eyes. Erwin is _too much_ , all at once, and panic starts setting in. “I don’t need your flowers or your sob stories, you sentimental swine. I’m not that weak.”

“No, you’re not. You’re strong. _So_ strong,” Erwin responds immediately. “But you move through this world like you can’t bear it. Like everything will swallow you up.”

“The hell is with you?”

 “You’re just getting to me. You’re here, and this place has never been better.” Erwin smiles and runs his hand through his hair. If Levi squints, he could swear he’s being just a bit shy. “You haven’t seen the best part yet. You did leave your bag inside the car, didn’t you?”

Levi nods absently, still reeling from the gravity of Erwin’s little speech, when suddenly his chest is assaulted by a jet of water. When he steps sideways, another jet hits him from the back.

“The sprinklers went off!” Levi yelps, shock all over his face. Erwin’s only reply is to laugh, a warm, heartening sound that reverberates from his core. Levi pauses for a second, forgetting the jets of water assaulting his person. Erwin is drenched to the bone, his white shirt a second skin and his wet hair sticking on his face. _He’s beautiful_ , Levi thinks, his head light and fuzzy. He can’t bring himself to look away even when those eyes meet his.

“Levi,” Erwin sighs, his voice enthused with so much awe that it throws him off completely. He’s looking at Levi like he’s seeing some great wonder of the world right at his doorstep. A smile blooms on his face, so wide Levi thinks his jaw would split.

 “You’re treating me like your _girlfriend_ ,” Levi says, trying and failing to muster his usual sardonic manner. He walks ahead of Erwin, unsure of the face he’s wearing right now.

Erwin says nothing and tentatively touches his elbow. Levi can’t help the shiver that runs through his body at the light contact, cursing himself for being so damn tactile. He freezes in place, trying to contain his body’s reaction.

“There,” Erwin says gently. Levi could hear the smile in his voice. “You like it, don’t you?”

“Yeah, ex-artist, remember?” he retorts as nonchalantly as he can, forcing himself to turn around and look Erwin in the eye. “I like stuff like this.” He motions brusquely at the flora around them.

“Yes, you are quite the visual person, I noticed,” Erwin’s voice drops to a whisper, and he lowers his head until Levi could see how dilated his pupils are. _The sparkling waters of an archangel’s gaze_ , is what Levi settles for. “Levi, do you like how I look?”

Levi brings his own hand up to grab Erwin’s face. He wipes the water dripping from his brow, then he  tugs sharply at the wet locks of blonde hair between his fingers. “Yes, your highness, you are pretty.”

Erwin doesn’t laugh it off, or pout, or flirt. Alarms start blaring in Levi’s head. Erwin’s hand moves up his arm, light as a feather’s touch. His skin is callused fire, and yet they leave a trail of goosebumps on his skin. He dare not move. Dare not breathe. “Do you like how I touch you?”

Erwin’s hand treads along his shoulder, the tips lighting sparks at his collarbone, then it settles under his jawline. A rough thumb brushes across his lips, and Levi parts them in a daze, unable to stop his sharp intake of breath. He can’t resist darting out the tip of his tongue to get a small taste, relishing the quiet groan that it elicits from Erwin. “Do you like how I taste?”

Levi can feel his face burning but it doesn’t matter, because Erwin is just as flushed as he unconsciously mimics the parting of Levi’s lips.

“Do you like hearing me like this,” Erwin whispers, hoarse and breathless.

Erwin covers Levi’s hand with his own. He steps forward, forcing Levi to back up against the glass wall. There is no trace of humor left in his eyes, smoldering blue. “I want to be the only one.”

Part of Levi feels electrified, the other trapped, but he can’t run away. “I am not yours and you are not mine,” he insists, even as Erwin’s hot breath washes over his lips. Even as his eyes start to fall close, utterly spellbound.

He feels Erwin’s chapped mouth over the sensitive skin of his eyelids. “Levi, you’re a slave to your senses. And I’m a slave for you.”

Levi pulls at Erwin’s wet shirt, but his arm is so heavy, practically boneless, and he lets his hands rest on his chest instead. Erwin feels better than he looks, and that tightening of muscle when he presses his fingers into his skin—Levi can’t help the small moan that escapes from his lips. “Erwin, _no_.”

A hot mouth lands right at the edge of Levi’s own, and he doesn’t resist when an arm wraps around his waist and pulls him in. Every inch of contact is torture. “I want to be the one.” Levi’s grip on Erwin’s hair tightens, but he pays no heed. “All you can see, all you can hear, all you can feel. _Me_.”

“Shut up,” Levi growls, before parting Erwin’s lips with his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~Let's play a game of how much longer can they keep it in their pants~~
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> I'll be finishing part 2 of the Valentine's special soon, I just have to attend to some family affairs. Enjoy the day of love everyone, no matter what kind of love that might be. :D :D


	12. be my non-valentine: levi’s counterattack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin finally gets a sample of how Levi uses his body. Levi has a surprising encounter with Erwin's friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music:
> 
> [Mr. Smith's Cleaning Guy | 10.11.12](http://8tracks.com/fangirl_feminista/mr-smith-s-cleaning-guy-10-11-12?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button) from [fangirl_feminista](http://8tracks.com/fangirl_feminista?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button) on [8tracks Radio](http://8tracks.com?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button).
> 
> [12: Two Is Better Than One - Boys Like Girls feat. Taylor Swift | Make You Feel – Alina Baraz feat. Galamatias | Close Enough - Ghost Beach feat. Noosa]
> 
> Happy Valentine's Day, west side of the world! 
> 
> _Eren doesn’t appear in this chapter._

“You’re going down, Smith,” Levi says as he leads the way inside. His demeanor is hostile as always. But this time, Erwin’s hand is in his. Erwin can’t wipe the stupid grin off his face as he stares at how their hands look, a callused palm dwarfed by the back of his hand, those short fingers trying to wrap themselves around his longer ones. He doesn’t like cold, pale, bony hands, but he likes Levi’s.

“I’ve been hearing that quite a lot today,” Erwin says. “And so far as I can tell, it’s been all talk.”

“I’m just holding your hand and you’re already drooling,” Levi counters flatly, eyebrows scrunched as always. And yet, he averts his face just slightly so—

_Is he actually embarrassed?_

At that, Erwin couldn’t help the laughter bubbling through his lips. He suddenly realizes that he hasn’t sounded that happy in his own ears for as long as he can remember. He’s in an astoundingly good mood. “Well, you did kiss me while we’re surrounded by flowers and bathed in the wondrously romantic light of the sunset so…”

Levi shoves him down the sofa, _hard_. With a soft oomph, Erwin finds himself getting swallowed by the cushions. Levi is towering over him with a triumphant expression.

“Don’t get too cocky,” he says haughtily, before sauntering over to the kitchen. Erwin may or may not have been watching his behind, which may or may not be intentionally swaying for him. Levi balls an apron and throws it at his face, making Erwin absently think he could make it as a basketball player. Right now, irrational as it may be, Erwin feels like Levi can do anything, anything at all.

“Show me what you’ve got,” Levi challenges him, putting on an apron himself. “You’re the one who first wanted a cooking showdown, remember?”

Erwin remembers. That was the night they had their first misunderstanding, and the recollection left a bitter taste in his mouth. He shakes the thought away. “I remember wanting to wipe the kitchen counter with your ass.”

“You mean wanting to decorate your dining table with my ass, making my literal booty your booty,” Levi says unflinchingly.

“God, you really do have a horrible sense of humor,” Erwin taunts him, shaking his head slightly while putting on his apron.

“Says the old geezer who has a thousand sucky puns in his hairy arsenal.”

 _That’s enough._ Erwin makes his way to Levi and corners him between the kitchen sink and his brawnier physique. His voice drops to a half-growl. “Careful Levi, I’m tempted to prove to you a thing or two about my arse.”

“And I’m tempted to kick your ass, but I already did that this morning,” Levi retorts icily. “Tonight I will make you forget your mother’s name.”

Before Levi could react, Erwin strikes with a peck on the lips, ending with a bit of tongue. “Already have.”

* * *

“Congrats. You just lived up to your skin-crawling reputation,” Levi deadpans, staring at Erwin’s final products laid down on his side of the table. “Tell me, could you have made your motives any less obvious? Than, you know, just throwing aphrodisiac everywhere.”

“I think a certain someone bought the ingredients beforehand, deliberately setting up this situation.” Erwin says, head held high as he stands before his spicy garlic pesto loaded with pine nuts, prime rib steak and chocolate fondue. He dips his point finger in the melted chocolate and puts it in front of Levi’s mouth.

“You piece of absolute perverted shitbrick,” Levi replies acidly, turning towards his own creations. Erwin notices that there’s nothing remotely racy about the dishes—creamy chicken soup, baby back ribs with mashed potatoes and warm apple caramel pudding.

When Erwin tries to take a small slice of meat, it slides right off the bone. He moans delightedly as it melts in his mouth. “You cheated. These ribs had to have been cooked for hours.”

“So there’s this thing called the serving utensils, you disgusting swine,” Levi says, watching him. Erwin doesn’t seem to hear him, moving on to taste the soup. After that, he’s practically gone, scarfing down Levi’s creations while still standing up.

“My only memory of my mother is her feeding me chicken soup when I was sick as a kid. I dunno when exactly it happened, can’t even remember how old I was,” Levi recounts, in a matter-of-factly tone. “It was too salty, I guess she ain’t got money for cream. But I was sick, who knows, maybe it’s like a dextrose substitute or something.”

“Levi, I’m not sick,” Erwin says gently, not wanting to probe if it’s not welcome.

“Yeah, you’re sick in the head,” Levi scoffs, pulling the chair behind Erwin. “Sit.”

Erwin blinks. “Is this a joke?”

“When I joke, people laugh. I guess you wouldn’t know the difference, because no one laughs at your jokes,” Levi says as he pushes Erwin’s shoulders down. He obliges, letting Levi push his seat back in. Heavens, the barely five-foot-three guy is strong.

Levi takes a seat beside him, and then he divides the food between them. He pauses, staring at his plate for a while, and Erwin catches a troubled expression on Levi’s face. He almost laughs out loud when Levi finally dives in, shoving food into his mouth.

“Shut it. Your bigass appetite is even worse than mine. At least I waited until I’m actually seated like a member of the civilized world,” he explains to his defense, spooning his soup rapidly like a machine. A bit of creamy liquid spills to his chin.

Erwin pauses for a beat before he wipes the side of Levi’s lips with his thumb. “Yes, all that work must’ve made you hungry.” Those lips are a bit chapped, and probably the warmest part of Levi. He’s kissed them. And now he can’t take his mind off them for very long. “Did you exert all this effort for me?”

Levi freezes at the contact, his whole body tense, and Erwin sees his eyes flitting down to his mouth too. “I think it’s more along the lines of I wanted to shut down the stream of sentimental diarrhea spouting from your mouth. Sob stories about your dead family don’t make for good dates.”

Finally, it all clicks in Erwin’s mind: Levi is trying to console him. Everything he cooked were comfort foods, things that doting parents prepared for happy family occasions. Surely Levi didn’t enjoy any of these in his childhood, but perhaps these are what he thinks the Smiths enjoyed, when they were whole. He might’ve thought that even though this huge house only has the two of them now, those ghosts would feel more real with comfort food. The Smiths actually had much grander things, like Thanksgiving turkey and paella and aged fruit cakes, but it doesn’t matter.

Erwin has been busy trying to be careful about Levi’s troubled past. Meanwhile, Levi has found a way to empathize with his loss without unraveling Erwin’s defenses. He doesn’t know when it happened, but Levi is more a friend to him than Erwin ever thought he could be in such a short time. More importantly, he wants to kiss Levi very, _very_ badly, and his patience and prudence are both out of the window. Levi’s half-lidded eyes are hazy as Erwin tilts his chin and opens his mouth with his thumb.

But just before their lips meet, Levi pulls away. “The pudding is going to go cold,” he says, edgy and slightly shaking, before taking the tray and walking towards the oven.

* * *

“Tired to the bone and bloated with ten thousand calories isn’t exactly my ideal date,” Levi groans in a lethargic voice as he throws his head back at the sofa. He and Erwin are both sprawled on the plushy carpet of the living room, close but not quite touching. All the lights are off except for the electrically-powered fireplace simulator across them. Levi points at it accusingly. “That abomination is ridiculous.”

“My sister and I were quite fond of it,” Erwin says, laying his head back as well. “As kids, we liked to sit here every Sunday night, drinking spiced hot chocolate and pretending it’s Christmas.”

“If you want hot chocolate, fucking make one yourself,” Levi snorts. “I’m not your comfort food factory.”

Erwin turns his face towards Levi, prompting him to turn as well. Their noses are an inch away from each other, and Levi’s eyes are black and shining.

“It was really nice,” Erwin says softly, a smile slowly curving his lips. He watches Levi’s eyes widen as he takes his hand in his own. “It’s really warm and nice, isn’t it?”

Levi bolts up, but doesn’t pull his hand away. “I haven’t completely kicked your fat ass just yet.”

Erwin straightens himself as well. “That is slander. My ass happens to be sculpted and extremely enticing.”

Levi pulls his hand and wipes it at the carpet. “One more word of your butt and I’m grinding all that fatty ass meat into human sausages.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you were into juicy sausages from the beginning?” Erwin says unabashedly. Levi’s eyes glint dangerously and he hauls Erwin off the floor and _god he is strong_. He shoves Erwin to the sofa, turning his shoulders forcibly so he falls facedown. Before Erwin could say anything, Levi climbs in and settles, straddling his lower back.

“I should’ve known you’re the dominating type,” Erwin states calmly, not exactly resisting Levi’s attack.

“I know exactly where you think this is headed,” Levi scoffs at him. “Do you remember me saying that I use my body for a living?”

Erwin’s eyes widen, because he actually wasn’t thinking this is where things were going but now…Levi bends down, and he could feel his lithe body sprawled on his back.

“This is what artists do when they run out of money,” Levi whispers at his ear. “They massage.”

Erwin doesn’t know if he finds it disappointing or hilarious, but he stops caring when Levi’s hands start working. He’s used to professionals from five-star hotels courtesy of clientele (of all sexes) with boundary issues. He’s no expert on the technicalities, yet from experience he can tell that Levi is raw and rough on the edges.

He thinks it’s the best massage he’s ever had, and his other parts inappropriately agree.

Even through the fabric of his shirt, Erwin could feel those hands, warm from the house’s heating system. Strong and callused, with fingers that know exactly where to press and where to caress. When they touch the bare skin of his neck, Erwin actually shivers. His eyes are starting to shut close under his heavy head, now being kneaded by Levi’s fingers. Levi’s legs are wrapped just above Erwin’s hips, and he can feel his entire body undulate with every stroke.

Erwin is generous with his grunts and moans of appreciation, but when he unconsciously lets out a particularly breathy groan, Levi’s hands freeze.

“Erwin,” Levi says, sounding so startled that Erwin wonders if his desires ever crossed his mind when he decided to do this. “I’m not…”

For a few moments, Levi is at a loss for words. Then he gets off Erwin’s back and stands. “I should go.”

Erwin is not the type of guy to think that just because he wants it, he’s already entitled to it. Afterall, Levi has never promised him anything, and it only takes a little sensitivity to understand that he’s still testing the waters. Erwin takes a few deep breaths and empties his mind, then he turns over. “No, you shouldn’t have to. I don’t want you to,” he says quietly as he props himself up his elbows. “But if you want to, you can.”

Levi doesn’t say anything. Erwin stands and tries to catch his eye. When Levi finally meets his probing stare, Erwin notices that his pupils are constricted as if in shock. “Are you alright?”

Levi nods briskly. “You?”

Erwin smiles. “I think I need a shower.” He makes his way to the stairs, and when he reaches the first step, he turns back to Levi. “The doors automatically lock after themselves. If you’re already tired, I’ll just see you tomorrow.”

Levi’s face is completely blank, but he’s staring so intently that Erwin feels a little lightheaded. He hasn’t left yet, but Erwin already misses him. That’s probably a really telling sign. “You’re the winner today, Levi,” he graciously concedes. “One thing. Ask one thing from me and it’s done.”

Erwin strips and gets in the shower, letting the cold jets of water relieve him of the remnants of his arousal. He doesn’t know what to think or what to say, for once. _I’m glad you’re here with me?_ But Levi would undoubtedly hear the unsaid part of that: _and not with Eren_.

 _I will wait for you?_ No, Levi would probably shut down at the indication of anything long-term. _We’re fine like this?_ But they’re not. They’re moving towards something, Erwin knows that. Levi has never been a one night stand, but he’s not just a friend either now.

Erwin stares at his reflection on the mirror, droplets of water cascading down his confused face, his hands clutching helplessly at his dripping blonde locks. “You have to step back and look at what’s really there,” his father once told him. That’s how Erwin wins his cases, by scouring the details and then having the capacity to remove himself from the situation so he could examine it. But he’s far too into this to step back. He can’t think straight anymore. Someone else has to do that for him.

Suddenly, Erwin’s phone rings. It’s Mike.

“You’re with Daniella?”

Erwin freezes, a sudden discomfort rising from his gut. He doesn’t keep secrets from Mike, and he suspects that even if he does, he would just sniff them out. Even through a phone call. “No, actually.”

“Ah,” Mike says thoughtfully, as if immediately catching Erwin’s drift. “Is this a bad time then?”

“Yes,” Erwin laughs a bit. “Best friend rights don’t cover date interruptions.”

“You don’t whine when it’s the usual dates you have,” Mike replies, with a seriousness that takes Erwin by surprise. “But he’s not the usual, is he?”

 _Is he?_ Erwin doesn’t hesitate. “No,” he says firmly. “He isn’t.”

There are a few moments of silence from the other end before Mike finally speaks. “I don’t know what you’re thinking right now. Or what you’re planning to do.”

“I don’t know either, my friend,” Erwin says, smiling at his reflection. It’s suddenly clear to him that he doesn’t care if it doesn’t make sense anymore. As long as he doesn’t screw it up. “Everything in due time.”

“Sometimes waiting is more dangerous,” Mike simply says before ending the call.

When Erwin comes back to the living room, he thinks Mike might be just about right. Levi is seated on the couch, his bag still nowhere to be found, a cup of tea in his hand.

Across him sits Daniella.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~Next chapter: The Roast of Erwin Smith~~
> 
>  
> 
> Ahhhh I'm so excited that we finally meet Daniella! If you don't remember ever encountering her, she calls Erwin in chapter 3, she's also the one Erwin meets up with in chapter 8 (and she's kind of the reason Erwin even saw Eren and Levi out that night but more of that later), and Erwin mentioned having "something" with her in chapter 10. We'll know more about her next chapter. I am soooo looking forward to her interaction with Levi.
> 
> Till next!


	13. i need you to say what we are not but totally should be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daniella and Levi bond at their host's expense. Erwin and Levi unpack some baggage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music:
> 
> [Mr. Smith's Cleaning Guy | 13.15.16](http://8tracks.com/fangirl_feminista/mr-smith-s-cleaning-guy-13-15-16?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button) from [fangirl_feminista](http://8tracks.com/fangirl_feminista?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button) on [8tracks Radio](http://8tracks.com?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button).
> 
> [13: She Always Gets What She Wants - Florrie | Supermassive Black Hole - Muse | Gravity – Sara Bareilles]

“So,” Daniella says, her manicured finger delicately rimming the teacup. “You’re Erwin’s new fuckbuddy.”

Levi raises an eyebrow. “Is that what he told you?” He glances at Erwin, who opens his mouth to explain, only for Levi to turn his attention back to Daniella. “Ever the gentleman, our dear _friend_.”

Erwin Smith prides himself of being the paragon of a perfect host. He can warm up any aloof guest, smooth out any awkward moment, and convince just about anyone that they’re having a great time. But right about now, Erwin for one is definitely having a miserable time.

Beside him is Levi, comfortable in Erwin’s own flannel shirt and his well-worn jeans, sipping tea like he’s merely having a relaxing after dinner with friends. Sitting across the table is Daniella Zackley, clad in a black power suit and sky-high stilettos, looking like a leopard about to pounce. When Daniella’s cobalt eyes meet his, Erwin can’t help but feel like he’s the prey.

“He’s not very gentle with me, though he is very much a man,” Daniella says. She smiles winsomely, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “He goes around like a dick with a semi-decent brain.”

“On the contrary, I find him very meek and gentle,” Levi says as he leans in, without a care for the simmering danger. “Though that may have something to do with me wiping the boxing ring with his beaten ass.”

“Then you’re indeed stronger than you look, musclemidget,” Daniella replies, assessing his body head-to-toe like a buyer checking out the goods. “Would you like to try me next? I’d be happy to show you how much better I am than this old guy.”

“Forgive me if I’m not impressed. Being better than him isn’t much of an achievement.”

“I _am_ right here,” Erwin interjects.

“We know,” Levi and Daniella say in unison, looking at him with stony expressions.

A few minutes in and Erwin is eager to turn down the heat. “Daniella, what brings you here?”

Her smile turns sly. “Well it is Valentine’s Day. It’s a satisfactory excuse to bone you,” she declares unabashedly. “But I see the boning part has been taken care of.”

Levi takes a sip of his tea. “So you’re Erwin’s _old_ fuckbuddy.”

“It seems proper introductions are in order,” Erwin catches smoothly. “Daniella, this is Levi, the man I’m dating. Levi, this is Daniella, a phenomenal artist and my good friend.”

“Your _very_ good friend,” Daniella amends, amusement glinting in her eyes. “If you worry that I misunderstand, I do not. You _did_ tell me you’re seeing someone else today. Although I didn’t expect him to be a janitor from Kaiser-Reiss.”

Levi is unfazed. “Ex-janitor. Some desperate asscrack mistakenly expected that groping me will not lead to physical injury.”

Daniella chuckles, as high as bells and as sharp as blades. “I can’t blame him, really,” she says, shaking her head slightly. “Would it have been me though, I might’ve let him tap my ass while I’m tapping that goldmine. Honor is overrated.”

“That’s a knockout plan,” Levi says appreciatively.

“You found a better host though,” Daniella offhandedly adds while pouring into Levi’s now-empty cup. “Erwin is infinitely more generous than most senior partners I know.”

For a heartbeat, there is complete silence. Erwin is the first to recover. “No more generous than—“

“I don’t know a whole lot of senior partners myself,” Levi interrupts coolly. “But you seem to be quite intimate with them. Do you fuck all the Kaiser-Reiss top dogs like a grade A bitch?”

Daniella’s smile softens, before she bursts into carefree laughter. It’s the last reaction Erwin expects from her, not to say he’s not relieved. “Oh, I like you, Levi. I really, _really_ like you.”

“Thank you for taking the time to go all the way down here, Daniella. But matters of business best be discussed in places of business,” Erwin says with deadly calm, because predators smell panic from a mile away. “Surely Levi wishes to retire as well.”

“Do you know who doesn’t wish to retire, Erwin?” Daniella asks as she stands and picks up her clutch. “My father.”

“We have discussed—“

“I suspect that somewhere in that smartypants man cave of his lies a “Zackley-Smith” sign, ready to see the legal world,” Daniella interrupts, looking at him meaningfully. “He hasn’t changed his mind. And to be honest, neither have I.”

Levi uncrosses and re-crosses his legs, staring intently at her. Before Erwin could reply, Daniella adds, “That’s all I came here for, really.” She approaches Erwin and kisses him at the jaw, dangerously close to his mouth. Then she moves on to lightly touch Levi’s arm. “Enjoy the night, boys.”

Erwin expected Levi to push her away, or at least to flinch. He does neither, instead catching Daniella’s hand. With his other one, he picks up his bag. With eyes only for the woman in front of him, Levi tells Erwin, “I’m sure you’d do just fine without Daniella or me. Good luck contacting Fuckbuddy #3.”

* * *

The moment the gates close behind them, Daniella says, “I’m not Erwin’s girlfriend.”

“And I’m not his boyfriend,” Levi replies curtly, kneeling to unchain his bike.

When Daniella doesn’t respond, Levi glances at her. She’s smiling and looking down at him with shining eyes. The lamplight hits them at just the right angle and Levi is reminded of Erwin’s own. Sharp sapphires to look at them, but where boding deep seas ran under Erwin’s, blue flames flickered beneath Daniella’s. “Is that so,” she says, licking her full red lips. “Why did you follow me out here then, little Levi?”

Even when Levi stands up, Daniella has at least a couple of inches on him. Levi doesn’t mind at all. “People judge men by their last name, their title, or their paycheck. I judge them by the women they keep by their side.”

“And what of you, _Levi_ ,” Daniella asks, her voice quiet as the unsheathing of a dagger. “What about a man who keeps no woman by his side?”

“Fortunately, how you’d judge me is your problem, not mine,” Levi answers squarely. “Who are you?”

“My last name is Zackley, youngest daughter of an illustrious line of lawyers and court justices. People think my first name is irrelevant,” Daniella says, flipping her straight blonde locks over one shoulder. “And so I proved them wrong. I’m an international art curator and painter. My title is _Daniella_. The world knows me by my oils and my vision, not my father’s name.”

“And my paycheck?” She laughs into the cold night air. “Let’s just say it’s a hell lot bigger than yours.”

Her words are offensive, but Levi detects no disdain in her tone. He doesn’t know quite what to make of this woman, but he suspects that she is no less smart than Erwin himself.

“But as you said, it makes no matter to you,” Daniella continues, waving her hand casually. “And who I am is not my current interest.”

Daniella turns her back on him and walks toward her car. Levi is not surprised that it’s a shiny red convertible Ferrari, a far cry from Erwin’s elegantly understated black Tesla. Daniella unlocks the door and faces Levi again. “The question is, who are _you_?”

“A man whose last name means nothing. A man whose title is janitor. A man whose painting branded itself into my mind,” Daniella closes the distance between them and runs a finger along Levi’s jaw. “A man who is not Erwin’s lover, but also not Erwin’s fucktoy. _Levi_.”

“How did you know who I was?” Levi’s thoughts are spinning. “Did you see anything—“

“Oh, of course it was _that_ painting. We both know it’s your best.”

“That painting was hidden until—,” realization dawns on Levi quickly. “You were there. That night, Erwin was with you. That’s how Erwin saw—“

“It was a bet on my part. I expected Ms. Ral’s show to disappoint. In the world of art, she is no one,” Daniella cuts him off effortlessly. “So are you. And yet so often the most brilliant jewels lie buried in piles of shit. I have a feeling you’re worthy to be my rival.”

The way she reads him reminds Levi of Erwin. Somehow though, he finds it aggravatingly provoking. _Damn this woman_.

“And I have a feeling I’d enjoy knocking you down a notch or two,” Levi says acidly through gritted teeth. “Give me a damn good game, golden girl.”

* * *

_“Sometimes waiting is more dangerous.”_

He should probably leave. This neighborhood is not so often graced by a luxury car at the dead of the night. Already there’s a suspicious group of local teenagers lurking about. Snow has also begun to fall, and who knows if it will intensify to a blizzard? He should really leave. Levi would be alarmed by the sudden invasion of his personal space, and would most likely shut him out anyway.

And yet, Erwin remains still in the driver’s seat, keeping a vigilant eye but making no move to start the car. He’s decided something on the way here: he’s not going to wait until tomorrow. It’s stupidly stubborn, not to mention irrational, but here he is anyway.

The dashboard clock says 11:48 and Erwin sighs. Abruptly, he hears a fist rapping hard at the back of his car.

It’s Levi, staring at him and looking half-annoyed, half-questioning. His breaths are billows of mist in the still night air. His lips look a bit blue already. _I’ve kissed them_ , Erwin thinks once more. It’s strange how conscious he is of them now. Something in Levi’s expression shifts—an almost unnoticeable softening in the perpetual crease of his brow.

Erwin beckons Levi to come inside the car with a hand gesture and a wink. He laughs as Levi rolls his eyes and stomps through the mounding snow.

“Go the fuck away,” Levi growls by way of greeting. As soon as his ass hits the seat, Erwin pulls him by the scarf and plants a kiss on his lips.

It was nothing if not chaste, just chapped skin pressed together, cold and warm all at once. Levi is frozen even as Erwin pulls back. For a moment, their eyes are simply locked on each other. Erwin can see nothing but disarmed bewilderment in the usually steel-clad gray. He feels something close around his heart and he kisses Levi again. This time, he parts those lips slowly, teasing the heat out of his mouth and sighing as Levi’s breath washes over his face. Erwin wants more, _oh god_ he does, but Levi…

Erwin pulls back tentatively, looking for Levi’s reaction. Somewhere in the befuddled depths…is that a spark of arousal? “Hi,” he finally says. He sounds in awe to his own ears, if not a bit out-of-sorts. “You never mentioned what you would ask of me.”

Then the most incredulous thing happens—Levi _laughs_.

It’s not one of those sarcastic chuckles or mock snickers. Levi _howls_ , throwing his head back, his whole body shuddering and heaving. Erwin watches in dumbstruck fascination as Levi fills the car with peals of laughter.

“You came to this godforsaken trashdump in this fucking luxury car sitting out here freezing your fat ass off just so you can ask me what in shitsville I want from you?” Levi screams between attempts of regaining his breath. “Is your head actually filled with pussy crap?”

At that, Erwin laughs too. “It’s actually filled with you.”

“And Daniella. And fuckbuddy number 3. And number 4. And number 289,” Levi scoffs, looking far away, his eyes twinkling with amusement. “Don’t be so scared of my little chat with her. I swear I didn’t threaten to skin her alive and make her eat her own innards just so I can get you all for myself.”

“Is that what you want?” Erwin says. He turns sideways to face Levi and leans in without warning. “To have me all to yourself?”

“You’re putting words into my mouth,” Levi responds coldly. “Is that how it goes in court? Too bad I’m not a goddamn witness.”

Before Erwin could placate him, Levi sharply tugs at his tie. Their faces end up inches from each other’s. “I ask the questions now,” Levi’s words are dipped in danger. “How long have you been with Daniella?”

“I’m not—“

“How long have you been not-with Daniella?”

“We met in law school,” Erwin says. “It was our first mock trial. I did very well. Then she came in and kicked me out of the game.”

Levi’s eyes widen. _Not bad, blonde bitch._ Erwin laughs at his reaction.

“A year later, she quit. When I heard of her again, she’s living the life she’s always wanted,” Erwin shakes his head slightly, as if in fond recollection. “I have such admiration and respect for her, which is why she’s been my good friend for ten years. ”

“You’ve been fucking her for ten years,” Levi says without a hint of uncertainty. “The one person who wiped the floor with your ass. The girl who knows what she wants and goes after it, and she’s damn good at what she does. You want her still.”

Erwin pins him with a grave, unreadable stare. “I wanted her,” he admits evenly. “And I want you. I haven’t slept with anyone since Hanji’s birthday, would you believe it?”

Levi has no idea how to respond. He hasn’t thought about it—what Erwin’s been up to since they started doing whatever they’re doing. To be more accurate, he hasn’t allowed himself to think about it.

“I’ll ask again,” Erwin says. He gently pulls Levi by the neck until their foreheads are lightly touching. “Do you want me to want only you?”

Levi’s heart jumps in its cage. The way Erwin’s fingertips graze his nape—making his sensitive skin tingle—makes Levi want to rip that hand off him. “I’m not yours and you’re not mine.”

A small smile appears on Erwin’s lips. He sighs. “I think you’re afraid of me,” he says ruefully. “And I think…I’m afraid of you too.”

Levi raises an eyebrow. “You’re not afraid of anything,” he says, pushing Erwin away. “You’re not afraid of _me_.”

“I’m afraid of what you can do. You have no idea what you do to me,” Erwin says, chuckling and running a hand through his hair. “Nevertheless, I’ll have you know that I’m coming after you, Levi.”

Levi wants to throw the door open and go home without looking back. He also wants Erwin to go running after him. He’s about to get a killer headache.

Erwin’s tone turns teasing and his fingers close around Levi’s wrist. “Aren’t you going to invite me in?”

However, before he could retract and say it’s just a joke, Levi’s phone rings. When he glances at the screen, Erwin recognizes the flash of distress that passes over his face.

“Go home, doofbooger,” Levi says without meeting Erwin’s eye, pulling his wrist away and slamming the car door behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just kept cheering BITCHFIGHT! BITCHFIGHT! during that whole Levi x Daniella scene ƪ(‾ε‾")ʃ
> 
> Due to the catastrophic force of scholastic hell called midterms, I will only be able to update mid to late March. If I am not yet dead by neuropsych and world history by then, that is.
> 
> BTW, do you guys have any suggestions for a special chapter for when I get back? I'm thinking of an Eren special (since his birthday will be pretty close by then). If it were October or December, I'd do Erwin or Levi’s birthday, but oh well.
> 
> Till next!


	14. memory lane (a recap chapter)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A concise, 35% reliable, unedited recap of the events up until now. The author is suddenly desperate to post this and spends a total of 24 minutes on it so there ya go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic updated frequently and then went on hiatus for a while, so this is just an optional recap for those who've forgotten the story.

Chapter 1: Erwin Smith, a scorching hot senior partner in a law firm, crosses paths with Levi, an in-your-face janitor who he catches staring at his ass. How romantic.

Chapter 2: Levi pisses Erwin off by cleaning his office without permission, but Erwin realizes just how efficient Levi is and they make up. Erwin was wary about being involved, but discovers that he really likes Levi’s personality and he also happens to be gay. Yikes.

Chapter 3: Mike, Erwin’s best friend, starts to get on Erwin and Levi’s case. After Levi is fired, a chance meeting at the graveyard and a casual exchange of sob stories bring them back together.

Chapter 4: They meet Jean, Marco, Krista, Armin, Mikasa, and Eren on a shopping trip for Hanji, Erwin’s niece/nephew (She’s genderfluid and I have no idea what to do with labels). Basically a lot of shameless old geezer flirting happens.

Chapter 5: During the party, Levi hilariously loses his dignity and Erwin starts to get the hots for him (not because he started wearing dresses and a tiara and made crap jokes but who knows maybe that’s Erwin’s type). Somehow they make an emotional connection (gasp!) and Levi shows Erwin Isabel and Farlan’s graves. Erwin ends up offering Levi a job as his own cleaning guy (this is where the dumb title comes from).

Chapter 6: OK so Levi’s first day, he’s being threatened eviction due to unpaid rent, he barely has anything to eat and has to bike to Erwin’s. It’s kinda worth it because Erwin opens the door wearing (you guessed it!) only a towel (he’s not yet naked c’mon we’re just in chapter 6). A lot more disgusting flirting and sexual tension ensues, plus bits about Levi’s troubled past.

Chapter 7: Levi learns about Hanji’s mother (dead) and Erwin’s family situation, which is basically Erwin having Hanji as his only remaining family. Cleaning the house, Levi chances upon Erwin’s yearbook and realizes how different they are and basically shuts him out.

Chapter 8: Levi retreats to his favorite crappy coffee shop and meets Eren again, but then Erwin shows up. Levi realizes there is someone else in Erwin’s life, and when Erwin leaves, he accepts Eren’s invitation to an art exhibit (Eren was a goddamn hurricane so basically got caught in it).

Chapter 9: Levi and Eren go to an indie art exhibit (that I completely made up, I have -67 knowledge in art). Levi’s troubled college days are brought up. Turns out, this is his kouhai Petra’s exhibit, and she shows off a masterpiece they (squad Levi) made together. Confronted by his past, Levi storms out. Erwin, who attends the exhibit with Daniella, catches Levi and Eren together.

Chapter 10: Levi has a flashback of his conversation with Eren before Erwin catches them. It’s revealed that he, Isabel and Farlan had very troubled childhoods and the two ended up dead, leading Levi to blame himself. He meets Petra and the others in college, has a brief illustrious art stint, but breaks down again, taking Petra down with him. Eren also reveals some of his problems and ends up kissing Levi. Back to the present, Erwin confronts Levi and makes a proposal that they start a noncommittal relationship, with or without Daniella and Eren in the picture.

Chapter 11: Levi and Erwin makes a Valentines Day bet—whoever gives the better dating experience gets to ask one thing of the other. Disgusting sappy shit ensues. Erwin tells Levi more about his family. After a brief confrontation, Erwin and Levi kiss for the first time.

Chapter 12: It’s Levi’s turn. Seriously we’re getting sap overdose at this point. When Levi attempts to give Erwin a massage (we’re stepping up the cliché game here), Erwin Jr. acts up. Levi kinda panics but Erwin gives him space to think, saying he could leave if he wants to. When he comes back, Levi is sitting in the living room across Daniella.

Chapter 13: Levi and Daniella talk for the first time, to Erwin’s utter misery. Turns out that Daniella’s father is offering to poach Erwin and make him named partner, with a marriage to seal the deal, but Daniella is pretty cool about it. Levi and Daniella leave together, some bitchy verbal sparring happens, and they part ways with a competitive admiration and respect for one another. When Levi gets home, Erwin is waiting outside, declaring that he’s going after Levi full force. However, Levi suddenly receives a phone call from Eren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK now that's done, on to the story!


	15. the boy and the other boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin is in deep shit. Eren lays things out. Levi decides to confront some of his demons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music:
> 
> [Mr. Smith's Cleaning Guy | 13.15.16](http://8tracks.com/fangirl_feminista/mr-smith-s-cleaning-guy-13-15-16?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button) from [fangirl_feminista](http://8tracks.com/fangirl_feminista?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button) on [8tracks Radio](http://8tracks.com?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button).
> 
> [15: As Long as You Love Me – Sleeping At Last | I Caught Myself – Paramore | Headlights – Morning Parade]
> 
>  ~~I desperately hope people can still remember the story haha~~  
>  **UPDATE:** I've put up the recap chapter now (Chapter 14). It's totally optional but if you've kinda sorta forgotten what's happened then there's that.
> 
> It's 12:26AM. A lot of shit went down in school. Now I gotta go to a Stanford conference but I can't because I'm not hella loaded. Anyway, I really hope I could start updating regularly again, hopefully once a week. 
> 
> Please tell me what you think! :D

“You’re googling at that omelet like a dirty old geezer staring at his new secretary,” Levi taunts him. “I should’ve known you do weird shit when you’re ditched all hot and horny.”

“Levi!” Erwin admonishes mildly, but Levi notes that his gaze is like…like fucking melted butter. Erwin shoots a wary glance at Hanji. Fortunately, ze seems completely fixated in the piles of Valentines chocolate courtesy of Mrs. Smith hopefuls.

“Yeah, you like your _eggs_ ,” Levi continues with a straight face. “You’re too hippie for plain old hotdogs. You just have to have a weird-ass—”

“Do you think there’s something to be said about the fact that you zeroed right in my…proclivities first thing in the morning?” Erwin says with a smirk.

Hanji rolls zir eyes. “I know what _proclivities_ mean. Why don’t you make it easier for yourself and just say _kink_?”

“You’re a horrible influence on kids,” Erwin remarks brightly. But for Levi, it’s like being splashed in the face with the ice cold water of reality.

_I am a horrible influence on kids._

Just the a few hours ago, he was lying on his bed utterly naked, staring up at the bright blinking screen of his phone, trying to breathe normally. In and out. Into his life, out of his life. In and out. He’s never been normal.

_Kid deserves better._

“Levi?”

For a second, Levi couldn’t find his voice. He could almost see those eyes on his ceiling, scintillating in some goddamn magical light of youth and fervor.

“Eren.” Unlike most names, it feels comfortable on Levi’s lips. “I was with Erwin.”

“Oh,” Eren sounded a bit sad, but not surprised by his revelation. “I guess I really knew all along.”

“Eren—“

“No, you told me,” he cut him off abruptly. “People have always tried to protect me from the truth, but you didn’t.”

A few moments passed with tense silence. Levi couldn’t make sense of the undue and uncharacteristic concern that lied heavy on his chest. _I don’t care._

It was Eren who spoke first, but with as much uneasiness as Levi felt. “I know…that it wasn’t right.”

Levi’s words were out before he could stop to think properly. “It wasn’t a mistake,” he hissed sharply. “Don’t think that.”

“No, no I don’t think that,” Eren replied, startled and unmistakably pleased. Levi felt a stab of treacherous guilt. “You don’t know me. I don’t know you either. So I shouldn’t have.”

Levi was about to say that that’s the least of all the issues in their stupid _something_ , but Eren seemed to have read his mind. “But I know there’s something there, I can feel it, so please don’t lie to me.”

“If I knew the patron saint for janitors, no, I’m still praying even though I don’t know,” Levi snapped, his fingers clenching tightly around his phone. He decided to say it all in one breath, before his mental defenses could stop him. “I’m a recovering lowlife cum janitor. I’m seven years older than you, and about seven years lagging behind. I was everything you are now, and I failed, and you will not do the same. I can’t let that happen. _Do you understand_?”

“No, it’s you who doesn’t understand,” Eren said calmly. _This just has to be the time this raging volcanofuck doesn’t fucking erupt,_ Levi thought darkly.He needed Eren to explode and smite him into ashes, to stomp away. He should’ve known better.

“It’s not for you to stop me from failing,” the conviction in Eren’s voice was solid rock. “It’s not for you to tell me what mistakes I can’t make.”

Levi realized miserably that he was right.

“Levi,” Eren’s voice was tentative and warm, with a gentleness that Levi despised. “Do you love him?”

 _Love_. Levi thought. Erwin was Erwin, and he wasn’t about to slap on some stupid rom-com label on it.

So why did he instinctively flinch?

“I don’t know,” he said instead, with an exasperated sigh. “Which is exactly why I can’t do this with you.”

He could imagine Eren nodding on the other end, stubborn as ever. He cursed all the cosmic beings for giving the kid a ton of grit and not a gram of wits. “What you do is your decision, and I would respect that,” Eren said evenly. “But what I do, what I feel, that’s all _me_. It’s not for you to choose how I would feel about you.”

“Eren Jager, get your brain out of your asshole and let the _right_ head take charge. Stay the fuck away from me.”

“No, Levi,” Eren responded without a hint of doubt. “We’ve met just twice but I’ve already seen you come alive. I’m good for you and you know it.”

“This isn’t a game,” Levi warned through gritted teeth. “You can’t win everything in life, shitdick.”

“If you don’t fight, you can’t win,” Eren said before the line went dead.

“If I kiss you, would you snap out of it?”

Levi blinks twice, trying his best to pretend that Erwin’s voice hasn’t just broken his reverie. When he looks up, Erwin’s eyes are twinkling with amusement, but…

Is that a tiny hint of shyness Levi is seeing?

“Old men flirting. I may be starting to understand the appeal of psychology,” Hanji remarks giddily, grinning at their expense. Levi only raises an eyebrow. It’s Erwin who shifts his gaze back down to his tablet.

“No tech shit on the table,” Levi reprimands, just a random comment to change the subject.

“Yes, mom,” Erwin replies with a smirk, putting his gadget away in mock obedience.

“You are _so_ married,” Hanji says as ze bounces away. Levi rolls his eyes at Erwin, who can barely suppress his laughter.

“And yet mommy left daddy right on Valentine’s Day,” Erwin sighs, biting his toast casually. He pauses, as if processing what he’s just said.

“Speaking of, I’m finishing up early today,” Levi says nonchalantly, but he could feel dread in his veins. _Eren and Erwin._ “I have to meet a friend.”

Erwin looks at him thoughtfully, but does not push him to say anything further. Levi has the feeling that he’s getting this wrong.

“Petra Ral,” Levi adds, his voice wavering at the end. “Someone I suckerpunched back in my good ‘ol uni days.”

Then, he waits. If Erwin asks, how much would he say? How far could he go?

But Erwin’s serious expression relaxes abruptly, before he breaks their gaze. “Painfully long ago,” Erwin remarks with a beatific smile.

Levi gives him a literal suckerpunch in the stomach, which effectively wipes away any trace of happiness.

“ _Cari_ _ño brutal_ ,” Erwin says with a cough, rubbing his bruised stomach. “I like it,” he adds with a half-wink, half-wince.

“I hope that means a desire to shove a pipe up your shriveled asshole,” Levi mutters darkly as he starts the breakfast clean-up. Without warning, Erwin’s fingers close around his wrist.

Levi freezes instinctively, unable to meet Erwin’s stare. His fingers are warm and slightly callused, long enough to overlap over his pale wrist bone. Levi hopes Erwin can’t feel the pounding of his veins.

“Let go,” he croaks out. In his peripheral vision, he sees a genuine smile slowly turning those lips upward.

“I hope your meeting goes well today,” Erwin says. Then, he turns over Levi’s hand and swirls a thumb on his palm. “Will you tell me how it went later?”

Levi tries to find the part of him that would snap at Erwin to fuck off. He realizes that it’s gone. So instead he nods wordlessly, and Erwin goes back to his morning news.

* * *

“You, old man, are in big trouble,” Hanji says, zir guileless chocolate eyes inches from Erwin’s face.

“Excuse me?”

“You are,” Hanji insists solemnly, and before Erwin could even blink, ze traps both of his cheeks between zir palms in an audible slap. “When I came in this morning, you haven’t slept a wink.”

Erwin struggles to keep his adult composure, which is a fair challenge considering that there is a rhino-print pajama-clad twelve year-old straddling his lap. “Levi loves his tea.”

“You’d been grinning _at a speck on the window_ until Levi came in,” Hanji retorts, unfazed. “What exactly happened last night?”

Erwin manages to suppress his laugh, if only barely. “Nothing. I got promptly ditched.”

“Uh huh,” Hanji says, looking completely unconvinced. “And who is this Petra Ral?”

“An old friend,” Erwin replies. “Levi has many bridges left uncrossed. Or rather, many bridges he’s burned mistakenly.”

Hanji nods. “It seems complicated right from the beginning,” ze muses, before adding sternly. “Don’t mess this up.”

And just like that, Erwin’s lap is free and Hanji is bounding off merrily. Before ze reaches the door, Erwin points out thoughtfully, “You didn’t even ask about Daniella.”

Hanji smiles knowingly. “You like Daniella. But Levi…” Ze merely shrugs and walks out. Erwin is left stumped for a few moments. And then—

_Oh._

* * *

_Oh God no._

Fitted green tee, short sleeves clinging at lithely muscled arms. Destructed skinny jeans hanging low on tanned hipbones. Decently styled hair, and no black lipstick—for the first time. It was as classy as teenage goth is ever going to be. Levi suddenly wants to leap out of his chair and tear at his hair in frustration.

If this is going to happen, he needs a shot of vodka.

And then he’s towering over Levi, five feet seven inches of incurable determination. “I’m staying here with you,” Eren says, emerald eyes burning.

Screw vodka. Levi reverts to plan A.

“Levi, wait,” he hears Eren say just as his hand reaches the front door. He could pretend he doesn’t know why he stopped, but Levi doesn’t have the heart to.

He stopped because a tiny part of him wanted Eren to show up just like this. Desperately, at that.

“I don’t know what happened between you guys, but I know Petra,” Eren continues, encouraged by his momentary hesitation. “And I know you.”

“ _Know me_?” Levi repeats incredulously.

“I know we just met,” Eren immediately amends, voice low but brimming with a disquiet he could barely contain. “I know I’m just a kid, and it’s none of my business.”

“So why?” Levi snaps, angrier at himself than at anything. “Why the fuck did you decide to sniff up this alley, like some dumb tourist who ends up getting stabbed in the back?”

Eren looks at him until Levi meets his eyes. And when he does, all his resistance is knocked out of him. They’re earnest bordering on naïve, but at that moment, Levi feels like standing right there and basking in it for as long as he can. Because Eren can’t possibly keep looking at him like that, like he really fucking cares about the miserable shitstain he is, and yet he does.

When Eren speaks again, his voice reminds Levi of the warmth of Erwin’s living room, and he suddenly feels even sicker. “Because you’re a dumb tourist too,” Eren says as his hand covers Levi’s own. He slowly pulls it away from the knob. “You just don’t know it. And even though I don’t know how to help you get through the alley, I can try.”

“Erwin,” Levi croaks out, breathing hard and ragged. He feels like he’s fucking up big time, headed for a collision course but helpless to stop it.

Eren averts his eyes, but his resolution is strong as ever as he stares at the ground. “Erwin is not here. I don’t know why, and guess what, I don’t care.”

Eren starts pulling him by the hand back to his table. “Right now, all that matters is you,” he says as he sits opposite the dumbfounded Levi. Not once does he let go of his hand. “Now sit your ass back down. Petra is going to walk through those doors and she’s not walking out until we resolve this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I wanna address Levi's past in college, also his past with Isabel and Farlan. But next chap is gonna involve Eruri fluff because I NEED IT OK.
> 
> Till next!


	16. one step back and one step forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Levi’s fieldtrip takes a rocky turn. Erwin is finally getting some action.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music:
> 
> [Mr. Smith's Cleaning Guy | 13.15.16](http://8tracks.com/fangirl_feminista/mr-smith-s-cleaning-guy-13-15-16?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button) from [fangirl_feminista](http://8tracks.com/fangirl_feminista?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button) on [8tracks Radio](http://8tracks.com?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button).
> 
> [16: Losing Ground - Tyrone Wells | Light a Fire – Rachel Taylor | Love Me Like You Do – Ellie Goulding]
> 
> *whispers* my dirty fujoshi is leaking out whelp. commander blonde buttcrack is to blame.

“The exhibit,” Levi starts, looking at Petra’s butterfly pendant. “It was good.”

Petra shifts in her seat, nervously tugging at the cuff of her soft pink blouse. “Thank you.”

“It really was awesome,” Eren chimes in, leaning forward like he’s edgy for all three of them. Levi notices that he’s crushing the croissant in his hand in his enthusiasm, and he almost rolls his eyes despite the situation.

“Thanks, Eren,” Petra says, now with a small smile. She turns to Levi, albeit hesitantly. “How have you been?”

Levi pauses in mixing his tea. “Did you finish the project?”

Petra’s tentative smile fades completely. “I—no. The other guys didn’t want to after you…and after that I was…”

“But you had two exhibits since!” Eren fills in. After a moment’s contemplation, he adds, “And art…well, it’s the time you’re not working on a piece where inspiration pops up.”

“Yes,” Petra nods. Her timid smile becomes wry. “Although the psych ward was a bit extreme, I wouldn’t be the first artist to get inspiration there.”

Eren’s laugh is surprised but not forced. “It’s not all good, but hey, something’s gotta give. And even though it wasn’t finished, it looked amazing, the project you guys did…”

“Yeah…” Petra says almost to herself, biting her lip. “Levi, I shouldn’t have, I’m sorry I—“

“It’s fine,” Levi cuts her off before meeting her apologetic stare. Eren’s eyes widen as he sees Levi’s forehead smoothen for the first time, his usually scrunched brows completely relaxed. “It’s fine, Petra.”

For a full minute, none of them speaks. It is Petra who breaks the silence with a short statement that somehow seems to encompass years of confused longing and regrets.  

“We tried to look for you.”

Levi’s gaze drops, his grip around his teacup tightening. “I know.”

“I kept asking myself,” Petra continues, her voice breaking. “Why did you leave? And then it didn’t matter anymore. I started asking, when are you coming back?”

“I’m sorry,” Levi says quietly.

“I’m not,” Petra replies, holding his hand on the table. “Because you’re here. You even arranged to meet with me. Maybe now you’re rea—“

“Why?” Levi interrupts, looking completely blindsided. Petra’s breath hitches in surprise. “I screwed you over. You got clean without me. So why are you here, meeting with a janitor?”

“Levi,” Petra says softly, as if he were made of smoke and glass. “I loved you.”

While Eren freezes in his seat, Levi springs into action. “I’m never going back,” he spits acidly, pulling his hand back. “ _Never_. Save your tears for some sentimental art student who’s gonna hold your hand because that won’t be me.”

“That’s not—“ Petra’s voice breaks and she takes a deep breath, settling back to her seat. She closes her eyes and when they open, they are glistening. “You’re my friend, Levi. I admired you and respected you and I trusted you.”

She clasps her butterfly pendant. “I know that man is in there, he just needs to know that he’s ready to come out.”

 _But that man never existed,_ Levi thinks with strange calm.

“So I can’t walk away,” Petra continues with a broken smile. She shakes her head and tears spill on her cheeks. “Even if you have. I _will_ pull you back.”

“You can’t save everyone, Petra.” Levi says evenly. He feels cold all over, as if he’s watching himself from a distance. He knows he’s about to say the exact wrong thing, but it’s the only way he knows how to deal. “You’ve spent your life trying to fix people, pretending you’re fine and good and _happy_.”

Eren turns towards Levi in alarm, but he pays no heed. “This is a mistake,” Levi murmurs almost to himself before striding out of the café.

Of course, he should’ve known what would happen next. He hears the door chime tinkle as Eren and Petra follow on his heels. His hastens his pace, but before he could sprint Petra grabs his arm. “Levi, please—“

Levi turns sharply and shakes her grip off. “If you need a pet project, you should take a good long look at the mirror.”

Petra takes an automatic step back as if slapped, bumping into a wide-eyed Eren. Levi could feel the force of his words forcing him back to the part of himself that feels everything. The complete silence that follows is suffocating. And the way Petra is looking at him—

Eren’s composed voice is a fuzzy lull to Levi’s ears, even as he hails a cab and tells the crying girl that he’ll call her later. Eren, this furious ball of teenage hormones, mending things that he has broken. It has to be a cruel joke.

Levi doesn’t understand why he can’t, for once, be a decent person, even to the people he cares about. All he has is a spiteful mouth and a mind infested, incurable.

_Dirty dirty dirty. I’m rotten to the core._

“Let’s get you out of here,” Eren says in a hushed voice, blocking most of the gathering crowd from Levi’s view. His grip on Levi’s shoulders is strong, and probably the only thing keeping him upright. His head is still spinning.

“Levi,” Eren calls him again. “Look at me.”

And he does. Those eyes are shining in the sunlight, almost too bright for Levi to stand. Unbearably kind and fiercely protective.

Then, to his utter bewilderment, Levi starts to feel his chest heaving. He finds that he can’t stop it. His throat is thick and blocked, his face contorting. For the first time in a long time, he feels sobs racking his body.

Eren is not hushing him, or telling him it’s gonna be okay. Instead, he’s holding him and humming a simple tune that Levi’s mind follows until the world around them fades away.

* * *

They sit on the bench in silence, in the very same park where Eren first met Levi’s demons. That night has proven that faced with a monster, Eren attacks without hesitation and finds the smallest spark of redemption. Perhaps it is both his best feature and fatal flaw.

“There are always chances, if you’re only strong enough to take them,” Eren says as he walks over to stand in front of Levi. He holds out a drink to him, as if an invitation. “And you are. You are very strong.”

Levi doesn’t look up to meet his stare. “You have no idea what you’re saying, you naïve little son of a bitch,” he says, but there is no ire left in his voice.

There is no such thing as giving up in Eren Jager’s vocabulary. He sits down beside Levi. “How many times have you been beaten down and fucked over?” he says, shaking his head while smiling wryly. When Eren turns to look at him, Levi almost can’t stand the admiration in his eyes, as if he were the most amazing person he’s ever met. “You’re still here.”

Then, he puts an arm around Levi’s shoulder. “And I’m here.”

 _Warm_. Against his better judgment, Levi finds his defenses unraveling every time Eren takes a step closer. When he doesn’t move away, Eren’s hold tightens. “If you don’t fight, you can’t win.”

 _Don’t fight for me_ , Levi thinks with vitriol. _I’m not worth it_.

And all at once, Levi is choked by a sudden surge of hatred towards himself. Isabel, Farlan, Petra, all the people who looked up to him, and now Eren—how many more is he going to pull into his goddamn hurricane and spit out barely, if at all alive? He stands abruptly, shaking Eren’s arm off. “I have to go.”

“Levi—“

“I have to go,” he insists with an edge. He takes a step back, trying to put as much distance between them as he can. This kid will kill him. “Eren.”

No rhyme or reason could make him stay in ground zero of this disaster. All Levi could think about is running it all off and collapsing somewhere _safe_. Someplace he can be hurt without hurting anybody, where there are no expectant friends or breakable, volatile teenagers—

Suddenly Levi knows exactly where he needs to be.

“It’s cool,” Eren says, as if he understands what is going through Levi’s head. “This isn’t about me. Go where you need to go.”

_But I wish you’d stay. I wish I were enough._

The spark in Eren’s eyes gradually dies off, clouded by the most miserable jealousy Levi has ever seen. And that’s something Levi can’t forgive himself for, he realizes as he turns his back on him.

* * *

For a second Erwin’s body is met by the chill of a common February snowstorm, then all of a sudden, he’s wrapped with a small and strapping form. Erwin blinks, feeling hot breath on his neck and a racing heartbeat thundering through the clothing between them.

“Levi,” is all that he manages, even as he wraps his arms around the slightly shaking man.

“In,” Levi grunts to Erwin’s ear. The homeowner puts up no resistance as Levi pushes them both through his doorway. Said homeowner realizes that he would never put up any resistance to this trespasser, not ever.

They fall on the sofa, still entangled. Erwin reaches back and grasps the rigid cold fingers clutching on his sweater. “You’re cold,” he gently says as he rubs the back of Levi’s hands.

Levi doesn’t immediately answer. Erwin feels his Adam’s apple bobbing against his shoulder, and so he waits. Without warning, Levi extricates himself and says with a straight face, “Tell me you have alcohol in this dump.”

A few minutes later, they are seated on the carpet, their backs leaning on the foot of the couch. The dark silence is punctuated by the lights and sounds of a cartoon show playing on the TV.

“Now I know why your sense of humor sucks so bad,” Levi grumbles before taking a sip of champagne.

Erwin shakes his head while chuckling lightly. “And here I am, being a perfectly gracious host.”

“Gracious host? The only thing worse than the drink and the entertainment,” Levi turns towards Erwin and grabs his chin. “Is the company.”

“And yet you pushed through a snowstorm for this particular company,” Erwin counters, relishing their momentary closeness. Levi rolls his eyes and pushes him away, but instead of taking his hand back, he lets it settle on Erwin’s forearm.

Erwin remembers having Levi by his hearth during another snowstorm, on the day of Hanji’s party. That was the moment where Levi truly became a part of his life. He’d seen a glimpse of the man Levi is for the first time, and knew that he couldn’t just walk away. Now, that man is again before him, impassive as ever, if not for the redness of his eyes and the weight pressing down on his shoulders.

If not for his tentative touch, trying painfully to be casual, but speaking volumes of how much he needs Erwin right now. If Levi is holding out his hand, then he’s not going to hesitate.

“Come here,” Erwin says. Almost a whisper, yet enough to ignite the charged space between them.

Levi finishes his wine and puts the glass down. In one swift motion, he slings his arm around Erwin’s neck and takes him fully on the mouth. He doesn’t taste the champagne or the five-star mint éclair Erwin had for dinner, nor does he register the scent of his ridiculously expensive aftershave.

When their lips crash, it’s only Erwin. Erwin and Levi. Levi and Erwin. A clash of hot tongues and intoxicating desire, making their limbs languorous. Erwin moans as Levi’s hand finds purchase underneath his sweater, nails slightly digging as he kneads the bare muscles of Erwin’s back. He pulls Levi closer by the neck, his other arm circling possessively around his waist. There is only one thought in Erwin’s mind as Levi breaks off breathlessly, his eyelids fluttering close.

And then he captures Levi’s mouth again and deepens the kiss, and all thoughts are extinguished.

After what seems to be a full minute of sharing oxygen, somehow they end up lying on the carpet, legs scissored together and lips hovering over each other’s. Erwin takes soft, slow pecks as he strokes Levi’s undercut, while Levi’s hand is lightly touching the small of his back.

When Erwin pauses in his ministrations, Levi plants his lips on his collarbone. “I’m tired,” he groans softly, as if about to fall asleep. “I’m staying over.”

Erwin can’t help the smile curving his lips. He hums contentedly as he carefully sits back up with Levi still hanging on him by his neck. Without warning, he grabs Levi by the waist and stands up.

“Fuckin’ cocksucker!” Levi exclaims in surprise as he finds himself dangling off the floor. He tries to reach down with his toes, but Erwin is too tall, his hold too secure. “Let me down or you’ll be meeting your ancestors prematurely!”

To his indignation, Erwin only laughs merrily and spins in a circle, making Levi instinctively tighten his hold on his neck. Before he could resist further, Erwin moves his hold to under his thighs and hoists him up in one swoop.

“Wrap your legs around my waist,” Erwin commands in a suddenly domineering tone. He presses his lips on the sensitive skin under Levi’s ear. “We’re going to my room.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hypothetically, if I write an out-of-town chapter for the purpose of having commander swimming trunks and heichou in suits or some italian outfit, would that be unacceptable? I mean, hypothetically.


	17. I’m not as sure as I thought I was

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi is bad at bed talk. Mike asks Erwin the tough questions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cannot even apologize enough for the unexpected hiatus. I drowned in the depths of university life, but I have been gloriously resurrected by the mercy of midyear vacation. I do plan to finish this fic before the next big wave takes me under. For a recap of Chapters 1-13, check out Chapter 14. 
> 
> Thank you all for staying with me. This chapter was very fun for me to write, so I hope you'd enjoy it as well.

A white t-shirt is crumpled on the carpet of Erwin’s living room. A few yards away is a pair of ragged rubber shoes, entangled with a cashmere sweater. A worn black belt lies in front on the master bedroom’s door, slightly ajar. The room’s amber light is on, but if it wasn’t automatic, the occupants inside wouldn’t have bothered about it.

Levi has figured out by now that Erwin is a man of smiles. There are many shades to that smile—courtesy, amusement, fondness, genuine happiness. Even danger, on the tiniest hint of a smile that day he told Levi the debt to his family has been exacted.

There is no smile on his face now. Levi’s hands had been more than busy as they made their way to this bed, but now, he is paralyzed. Transfixed, as Erwin’s eyes travel down the length of his half-naked body. The bastard is effectively sitting on him, slowly rolling their hips together. Levi’s eyes shut close as Erwin sinks his fingertips into his scalp, feeling the blood pounding in his head. Levi’s own fingers decide to knead the thighs trapping him.

When Erwin’s hand pulls back and reaches for the bedside drawer, Levi’s eyes snap open. Rationality suddenly returns to him. “I didn’t come here to roll around and screw, no matter how bullshit that sounds,” he rasps out.

Erwin freezes at his words, and Levi thinks that he would either fling the bedside lamp to the window or go on fucking him anyway. Actually, the latter doesn’t sound so bad to him. There are no sounds in the room but their breaths, gradually returning to their normal paces.

Finally, Erwin nods. Levi does what he wants, without a care of what people think of his intentions. He’s not the type who would use his body as bait to get what he needs. And Erwin _understands_ him. He feels a swell of pride in his chest, like a kid who has solved a puzzle. His nether regions, unfortunately, aren’t quite as happy. But there is a right time, and he knows vulnerability shouldn’t push them to take the next step.

“I won’t,” Erwin says with a solemn gaze, running his hand down Levi’s waist. “I didn’t invite you in to roll around and screw, no matter how bullshit that sounds.”

Levi moves his hips slightly, rubbing once against Erwin. He raises an eyebrow. Erwin winces and laughs.

“I didn’t say I didn’t want to,” he says, pushing Levi away gently.

“Yeah, it’s practically whoring itself out—“

Erwin takes Levi’s lips, the kiss brief but compelling. “No more, Levi. Even I don’t have eternal restraint.” He mimics Levi’s collarbone kiss and disentangles himself. “I’ll get the guest room’s bath going.”

Levi seems to have other ideas. Erwin has almost forgotten how monstrously _strong_ Levi is, right before he takes his torso in small, callused hands and shoves him back down the bed. For a second, Erwin is completely dumbfounded. Levi uses his distraction and pins him between his knees, reversing their positions.

If Erwin has even started to calm down, his composure is positively destroyed by the sight of Levi looming over him, dark eyes glinting. “I’m not fucking you tonight, but I’m not going to no guest room.”

All of Erwin’s mighty wit and fancy words desert him. When Levi unbuckles his belt, a frustrated growl escapes his throat.

“What are you hesitating for?” He says, before pulling out Erwin’s belt in one swift motion and throwing it off the bed. “I’m not a girl.”

“There are many girls who do what they will, just like you,” Erwin says, meeting the challenge of his eyes. He is not a man who submits very often.  But as Levi unbuttons his suit pants and lets his fingers linger, he realizes he doesn’t mind one bit.

Levi pushes the hem of his shirt up, then falls down his haunches and places his lips on Erwin’s navel. He looks up at him with feverish eyes. Erwin stops breathing. “Just like Daniella?”

“Many girls,” Erwin answers breathlessly, his hips undulating without his leave.

“Well, I wouldn’t know,” Levi says against Erwin’s skin, kissing his way down his happy trail. “Are you going to keep talking about girls?”

“No,” Erwin gasps as Levi pulls down his pants and boxers simultaneously. When Levi’s breath washes over him, Erwin realizes he wouldn’t be talking at all.

* * *

When Erwin gets out of the shower, Levi is sitting in the dark, eyes unreadable as he stares at him. Erwin grins wolfishly as he dries his hair. He suggestively fingers the towel hanging low on his hips. “The night is young. I’d be perfectly willing to…return the favor.”

Levi snorts, falling back down the bed and pulling the covers over him. Underneath he is completely naked, having nothing to wear after showering. Erwin almost giggled when he saw how hopeless it was to lend Levi his boxers. Levi countered that he wouldn’t want Erwin’s fluids anywhere near him anyway. It would’ve been insulting, hadn’t Levi been…acquainted with the fluids in question. Intimately.

“How are your knees, grandpa? You sure I don’t need to assist you to your sickbed?”

Erwin hangs the towel and crosses the room to get a pair of boxers. Levi tries not to stare at his naked glory, but hell, it’s not worth the mental struggle. Erwin catches him and laughs gently. “I think you would agree that I’m not that old, love.”

“ _Love_? You just showered but it can’t cover up the stench of dirty old geezerfuck,” Levi derisively retorts, although a treacherous part of him does agree.

“Hmm…” Erwin hums, joining Levi under the covers. His arms sneakily wrap around his waist, and Levi finds himself reacting to the full frontal contact. “Is that a challenge?”

Levi shakes himself mentally. He has something important to say, and no obscenely seductive manmeat would stop him. He grabs Erwin’s arms and removes himself from his embrace.

“He was there,” Levi says firmly, his back to Erwin. He’s almost afraid to turn around, although he couldn’t for the life of him explain why.

Erwin falls silent. Levi decides to push through, damn the consequences. He wouldn’t bear being anything less than honest with Erwin. “I thought he was the last thing I needed back there, but he proved me wrong.”

“What is Eren Jager to you, Levi?”

The question takes Levi aback. Until now, Erwin has not made any move to position himself as Eren’s competitor. He simply acted like Eren didn’t exist and gave Levi leeway to do whatever he wanted. But Levi knows it he has to answer him upfront.

“We can’t. I won’t let him be another casualty of me. I told him from the beginning.”

“And has he proven you wrong there as well?”

Levi closes his eyes. “Yes. I’m not as sure as I thought I was.”

“And what about me?” Erwin says, turning him around gently. “Do you think I’ll be just another casualty?”

The answer to that question surprises Levi. “No. Never.”

“And why?” Erwin asks with a confident smile.

“Because you’re strong,” Levi replies. There is both awe and pride in his voice. “I can’t break you.”

“I think you’re wrong there, Levi,” Erwin says ruefully. “But I _am_ strong. I can stand by you, I promise you that.”

Levi’s words are trapped. To his shock, his throat is as tight as it had been just hours ago. What’s wrong with him today?

“You are not mine and you would probably never be,” Erwin continues, his fingers subtly lacing with Levi’s. “You want to try and figure it all out. So does this boy, Eren. But I’ve already tried many things in the past.”

“I know what I want, even if both of you don’t. And I only look at what I want,” Erwin says, staring right into Levi. A shiver runs down his spine. “Eren is irrelevant to me. It’s only you.”

“You fucking hypocrite,” Levi spits out. “You’re so jealous of Eren I could turn you inside out and your innards would ooze green.”

“And you of Daniella,” Erwin counters casually. “A most impressive woman, as I’m sure you yourself would admit.”

 “You and Daniella. I hated it from the beginning,” Levi says without inflection. Trapping Erwin’s head between strong hands, he declares, “I don’t want you with her.”

“That’s good to know,” Erwin says softly, a triumphant smile slowly curving his lips upward. “Thank you for saying it.”

Even though he said more than he should’ve, Levi doesn’t regret it. Then, with an innocent expression, Erwin asks, “Do you want me to show you how grateful I am?”

Levi blinks twice, turns his back on him, and buries himself under the covers. After a minute of silence, his roaring snore fills the room.

A perfectly eligible, horny-as-hell bachelor is willing to screw him senseless and Levi essentially turned his back and dozed off on him. Erwin would laugh incredulously, if only his pride (and his dick) wasn’t hurting so much.

* * *

_[You snore like you’re ten inches taller than you are.]_

Erwin is really glad he half-forced Levi into taking his ex-phone as an “occupational tool”. Nevermind that he’s acting exactly like a lovestruck teenager, eagerly texting while eating breakfast.

_[And you fart just as explosively as you cum.]_

Erwin laughs to himself, though an arousing flicker of last night’s memories comes to mind. _[I’m sure the thought appetizes you.]_ He takes a mouthful of vanilla oatmeal and snaps a selfie as he licks the white remnants off his lips. No doubt the innuendo is not lost to Levi.

Hanji’s eyebrows are raised so high they’re threatening to jump out of her forehead.

_[No one can look seductive eating oatmeal.]_ Along with the message comes a picture of Levi rolling his eyes.

Erwin smirks and straightens his tie before texting back. _[I’m always the exception.]_

“Looks like we’re going through puberty together,” Hanji says, grinning.

_[Are you gonna sit your fat ass at home forever or actually earn your ridiculous paycheck?]_

Before Erwin could come up with a witty comeback, his phone indicates a call from Mike. “You have a minute to explain why you’re already twelve minutes late on the day of the Wyatt-Zackley merger.” The voice was stern and unforgiving. Lesser humans would be trembling at the knees.

“Everything has been arranged and I am already on my way. Making the hounds wait gives us the mental upperhand,” Erwin replies smoothly. “Is Daniella already there?”

“She is,” Mike says warily. Then, Erwin hears the whoosh of a door closing. “Though I thought the prospective managing partner of her firm would be standing by her right now.”

“It’s not her firm, she has made that clear. This is only a formality to her.”

“Which is exactly why the unofficial fiancé, the one who keeps it within the family, is expected to be here.”

“I think the unofficial fiancé part has been taken way too far,” Erwin says. Anyone else would hear nonchalant. Mike smells defensive.

“Tell me you didn’t assume you’d be endgame, all these years,” Mike says, sighing almost imperceptibly. “Tell me you actually have a future with anyone else.”

Mike is not wrong. Erwin realizes, for the first time, that he has always envisioned a future with Daniella by his side. May it be a white picket fence and the whole nine yards or not. It didn’t feel like magic. It just felt _right_. But now…nothing. Erwin can find no quick answer. For someone who knows himself so well, it’s a shock that this piece of him eluded Erwin all this time.

“Mike, I—“

“You don’t have to answer to me, man,” Mike interrupts. If he hadn’t, Erwin has no idea what he would’ve said. Perhaps that’s why Mike cut him off in the first place. “You have to answer to you.”

After he drops the call, Erwin sees a new message. It’s Levi.

_[What are you doing right now?]_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can feel a fearsome foursome encounter coming.


	18. it will be me for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a foursome showdown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has supported me up to this point. Without you, I wouldn't have made it this far.
> 
> This is the third version of Chapter 18. I thought I was sure of this fic's direction before, but I ended up changing a lot of stuff. I believe this fic has 5 chapters left, including this one.

“They say that mergers are like marriages,” Daniella says, her stilettos click-clacking on the pavement. Her words are neutral, but her glossy lips are tight around the corners. “It’s all about cash, compromise, and catfights.”

Her irritation does not surprise him. After the grueling meeting, even the usually imperturbable Erwin feels tension coiled in his gut. “It’s not like you to be reduced to alliteration,” he teases her.

“And you slow down like an old man when you’re tense,” Daniella counters pointedly. Erwin realizes that his pace has indeed slowed down. Even his shoulders are slightly slumped. “You look like my assistant.”

“Enjoy the once in a lifetime experience,” Erwin says lightheartedly. In truth, he did not completely believe it. Erwin’s tall figure and powerful strides usually overwhelm the presence of his companions, but not if it’s Daniella walking beside him. She is the lioness of this concrete jungle, and sometimes even Erwin feels a bit of fear.

“A merger is a battlefield, and so is a marriage.”

Erwin blinks twice. “Your future husband will be sorely challenged.”

“Hey, it’s my dad who wants to get in bed with you,” Daniella snaps. The people around them turn to look, then quickly look away with whispers and sniggers. Erwin chuckles.

_You didn’t say “not me”._

The traffic light turns and Daniella walks off. Erwin follows her. Somehow, he’s always had.

When he catches up, she puts an arm through his. “Merging with Wyatt is step one. It’s your name he really wants on his wall,” Daniella sighs. “And appended to mine.”

“A prospect that doesn’t seem to appeal to you.”

“No, the prospect of being sold off like a groomed cow does not appeal to me,” Daniella says, her grip tightening slightly. “Although I must admit my prospective herder doesn’t look so bad.”

“You will never be cattle, Dani,” Erwin says. “And I would say my looks are being unjustly underappreciated.”

“Well, it takes an Erwin Smith to be my unofficial fiancé, imagine what it would take to be my husband,” Daniella comments airily. Erwin laughs again.

“Although, you might suffice for my current purposes,” Daniella says, pulling him into a wedding boutique. Erwin’s eyes widen slightly, but he’s through the door before he could react. The shopkeeper greets them with open arms and a perfectly polished smile.

“My date,” Daniella declares. She turns to Erwin. “The only way I’m sitting through three hours of pretentious idiots in suits is with you.”

“Wyatt is a topnotch lawyer, and you’ve just invested millions into a merger with him,” Erwin points out.

“All men are idiots during their weddings,” Daniella says, gesturing for an assistant to attend to Erwin.

“What makes you think I am on board with this venture? To you it’s a distasteful duty, but it’s no duty of mine at all,” Erwin says, although he lets the assistant take his measurements.

“Duty? When we attend weddings, they never end with duty,” Daniella answers blithely, cocking her head to the side with all the innocence of a viper. Erwin is about to answer when the dressing curtain snaps around Daniella.

“Whenever you tell my father “no”, he hears “you haven’t pushed the right buttons yet”.

Erwin pushes his arm through a sleeve. “And what are my right buttons?”

Without missing a beat, Daniella replies, “The ones only I can push.”

Erwin shakes his head slightly, an amused smile tugging on his lips. Daniella Zackley is a force to be reckoned with, truly. Her father is an exceptional man, how could he have missed it? “You’re confident.”

“I’m right,” she says, and Erwin could almost see her rolling her eyes. “It’s always been me, Erwin.

Erwin’s hands freeze while buttoning his suit. It’s always been Daniella, before. “Daniella—“

“You look at me and look away but you always look back,” Daniella says nonchalantly, but behind it Erwin could sense steel.

_I only look at what I want._

Before Erwin could say anything, she continues, “And I do the same to you. Why do you think is that?”

_I know what I want._

“Maybe one day, we won’t look away anymore.” Daniella concludes with a surety that finally jolts Erwin into a response.

“Maybe one day, we won’t look back.” As soon as the words are out, Erwin realizes that everything has changed. And if he could hear it in his voice, Daniella could too. The silence is suffocating.

Daniella is the one who breaks it. “Maybe we’re each other’s habits, but we chose that.”

The dressing room opens. Daniella is standing on the slightly raised platform, wearing a confection of lace, satin and tulle. Her full breasts are pressed against the plunging lace neckline, her narrow waist and shapely hips clinging to the sheer fabric.

“Come away with me, Erwin,” Daniella says, her eyes fixing him in place, a lioness about to pounce.

* * *

When Erwin returns to the firm, he hears Mike’s whistle reverberating in the wide, open lobby. The junior partner falls in stride beside him. “Your taste is changing nowadays.”

“What do you mean?” It was a historic moment. Erwin Smith doesn’t ask such inane questions.

Mike leads him to the elevator. There’s only two of them in the cabin, but Mike’s gruff voice remains low. “Levi was one thing. This one smells like paint and stale pizza. I have a frat boy son, should I be concerned about him coming over?”

It was plain that he was teasing him, but Erwin heard real concern underneath the jest. Erwin runs a tally of acquaintances involved with paint and stale pizza in his head. Predictably, no one comes to mind. Before he could ask any further questions, the elevator doors open.

He never really saw him, before. Although Erwin was a regular at the bookstore, all he saw was just another grumbly teenager. But Levi would never be taken by just another pretty face, more so when he had Erwin right in front of him.

“Erwin,” Eren says gravely, turning away from his arguing secretary and facing him head on. A spark runs up Erwin’s spine. This is not the same boy. Those eyes—

Erwin is not the type to back down. He lets Eren in his office, lets him see all that Erwin Smith is, because he wants to understand Eren a bit more. A small smile plays on Erwin’s lips as the younger man adds a third spoonful of sugar to his coffee. He freezes midway, meeting Erwin’s amused expression with a stubborn pout that he must’ve thought to be a scowl.

Eren downs his cup in one go. “I’m more serious about him than you are.”

Erwin laughs. A college boy has just waltzed into his jam-packed schedule to demand answers about his semi-relationship with a janitor he’s crazy about. The only thing more incredulous than this is how it all finally hits him.

He’d said that Eren is nothing to him. But he is not nothing to Levi.

“If you can’t take it seriously, I’m going to hit you,” Eren growls, barely able to contain his vehemence. It bolsters Erwin’s confidence.

“Do you mean my relationship with Levi, or your impressive declaration?”

“Both. And me,” Eren says firmly. His jaw is tense and his fists are clenched, but Erwin knows he’s not going to act out. He’s much too willful for that.

“Are you here to wage war?” Erwin asks, almost friendly. “I saw you grow up, boy. You’re still growing up now.”

To Erwin’s surprise, Eren’s expression suddenly eases. An amused smugness flashes in his eyes. “Maybe, but I know what I want,” he says suggestively. “It’s a bit late, but congratulations on your engagement.”

Erwin’s lips curve up, showing perfectly white teeth. It’s a beautiful smile, but more disturbing than anything else. “I think I know what Levi sees in you,” he says evenly before taking a sip of his coffee. The bitterness clears his head. “But I have no intention of going easy on you.”

Eren rises in his seat, looking down on him with eyes so dark they could be gray. It’s hauntingly reminiscent of Levi’s own. “If you don’t fight, you can’t win.”

“It’s a losing battle,” Erwin replies with steel as he stands, towering over Eren. “If you could even call this a fight.”

“I guess we’ll find out this weekend,” Eren says casually. “Levi will ask you for a day off. Don’t stoop so low as to stop him.”

Then he takes a small piece of paper and places it on his table between them, fingers lingering. There are stains on his skin, much like how Erwin imagines Levi’s fingers would’ve been years ago. Back in the past he can’t touch.

Eren is that past made flesh. 

The young painter’s smirk lingers on his beautiful face, a face which Erwin is coming to hate. There is an impish triumph in those eyes, but there is no arrogance—only a promise. Erwin stares him down and wills the inches between them to be cold poison. The small quiver on Eren’s lips makes Erwin’s blood pound with adrenaline.

When the door closes behind his visitor, Erwin flips the paper. It’s a receipt for two plane tickets. He reads it twice, then dials Daniella’s number.

* * *

The moment Erwin read Levi’s text, he knew a bit of lawbreaking is being required of him. The irony has not escaped him, especially as he’s scaling the chain link fence at the darker part of the campus. His body struggled to retrieve the memory of the college survival course he took. God only knows what would happen if a guard comes round the corner. He’s too old to be making this kind of life choices.

Even so, he knew he would not have refused Levi. Because there’s a part of him Erwin couldn’t touch, until Levi asked to meet that night in the campus of his past college.

“Old man,” says a deadpan voice above him. A smile automatically spreads across Erwin’s face as he takes in the sight of Levi’s shadowed face, his hair fluttering in the wind. Just like this, he could easily be a college student again.

“I’m starting to like the idea of pushing you off than pulling you in,” Levi says in a cross tone, jolting Erwin from his unguarded moment. Chuckling softly, he takes the outstretched hand. Even though he knows of Levi’s legendary strength, it still surprises him when Levi almost singlehandedly hoists him up the ledge.

“Jump after me. Maybe I’ll even catch you, princess blonde,” Levi taunts him. Before Erwin could conjure a comeback about some melodramatic midnight rendezvous, Levi is on the other side of the low wall and opening a window. Erwin follows silently, noting Levi’s sure steps and nimble motions. This kind of sneaking around never even occurred to Erwin back in college.

As they walk down the darkened staircases and hallways, Erwin watches Levi’s back. It’s then that he faces his anxiety. This could mean anything. Somehow, he couldn’t bring himself to walk beside Levi, or to ask why.

It takes two shoves to break through the rusted rooftop door. The cold night air welcomes them. Levi breathes deep with his eyes closed, his cheekbones and sunken eyes bathed in moonlight.

_You are beautiful._

“I haven’t been here since I dropped out,” Levi says, still as stone. “Painted here, smoked to death, fucked until dawn.”

“Are we here to relive some of those memories?” Erwin asks amusedly, walking to Levi’s side.

But when he looks sideways, Erwin’s smile disintegrates at the storm in those eyes. Levi’s voice is lead and dry ice. “I watched them die here. They didn’t jump off...”

Erwin doesn’t think. He lets his fingers comb through Levi’s hair, his palm resting on his nape. He gently turns Levi’s head and kisses him.

Levi breaks it off, gasping. “They were dying for years,” he says numbly, gripping each of Erwin’s arms tight. “I could’ve done everything differently.”

Levi looks up at him with half-lidded eyes, his mouth tense with unhappiness. Erwin knows better than to take the first step again.

“There are some choices I think…” Levi says in a low voice. It’s almost as if he wants the wind to carry his words away. “I _know_ I will regret.”

“You can’t know that,” Erwin says, shaking his head firmly. He holds Levi’s face in his hands. “The only value of any decision is how it affects the next. If you begin to regret, you'll dull your future decisions and let others make your choices for you.”

“And then there’s nothing left,” Levi finishes for him. “I don’t think there is anything left now anyway.”

“There’s the future,” Erwin answers. “And there’s me, Levi.”

_Let it be me._

Levi sighs, stepping away reluctantly. “Eren is presenting his work to possible sponsors this weekend. The unveiling of some new charity or some shit,” he says, averting his eyes to the dark horizon. “He asked me to come with him.”

“I know,” Erwin says. “I’m coming too.”

* * *

“You did well, love,” she says, voice slick and sweet. “Next time I see you, you’ll be in a white suit. You do have one, don’t you?”

Eren feels irritation tick restlessly in his gut. Of course he doesn’t have a white fucking suit. He’s a goth art student. Daniella’s tinkling laugh emanates from the tinny speakers. Even via phone, her laugh is musical.

“Don’t worry, I don’t mind seeing a cute boy like you fitting ten different white suits. Your golden skin would look good in it, I’m sure.”

He’s tried not to think about it, but with this older, successful painter teasing him, Eren’s insecurities erupt to the surface. “Did you even look at my art?” he growls, biting his black lips in frustration.

“Are you angry?” It’s not exactly taunting, but Eren is done with rich snobs looking down on him. “Eren, I’m a professional. Don’t worry, your art is as exquisite as your pretty face.”

He could almost see her haughty, beautiful face. Eren doesn’t bother with hot women, but he can’t remember being infuriated with one before. If he could be honest with himself, Eren would realize that it’s not her he’s angry about, but his own incompetency.

“Stop fucking with me,” he lashes out between gritted teeth.

“I’m not. But after this trip, I’d be fucking with who I want and you’d be fucking with who you want,” Daniella says lightly. “So stop lazing on your little Turkish ass and make your move.”

Her tone reminds Eren of Erwin’s words. _It’s a losing battle. If you could even call this a fight._ Eren decides that he truly hates Daniella Zackley and all her like.

“That’s the plan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please hang around with me a bit more! I've never finished a proper multichap fic before, but I would be really happy if I get this one right. I need you guys more than ever. 
> 
> Till next!


	19. drag me to nine hells

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikasa is not a happy camper. Heat is turning up by the beach, and not because of the sun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for making it until here! We wouldn't be at Chapter 19 if you guys didn't see me through. An out-of-town chap, as promised.

Levi now understands how thoroughly fucked he is.

It’s all as normal as normal can be—a light yellow two-storey surrounded by flowers and vegetation, complete with a front porch and wooden picket fence. A farm barn from fucking Heidi, suburban edition. It’s all the difference between him and Eren Jager. _This is a mistake_ , Levi thinks even as he walks up the front door.

“Is the brat here?” Levi asks pointblank. _Great_ , he says to himself with a mental eyeroll. _I sound like a creepy cradle snatcher, which is probably what I am right now._

Mikasa’s face remains impassive as ever, but Levi notices the tightness of her neck muscles. It’s as if she’s getting ready to fight off a predator. She might as well. But when she speaks, her voice is as cool as an ice cube.

“The night after your first met, Eren told me all about you. He always keeps me out of his business, but he was so excited he had to tell someone.” Mikasa sighs harshly. “The Levi he told me about is not the person I saw in the hardware store.”

Levi hates the part of himself that feels slightly admonished. This girl knows him more than she should. He doesn’t quite understand how, but Levi feels like he knows her too.

“If he tells you about me again, he will tell you about that person,” Levi says, glancing over her shoulder. There’s no sign of anyone else in the house.

“Stay away from him,” Mikasa says sternly, turning his attention back to her.

Levi could say “It’s none of your business”. But it is, isn’t it? This person is important to Eren, the one who practically raised him. He could say “I don’t have bad intentions”. But his intentions hardly mattered when it came to Isabel, to Farlan, to Petra, and everyone else he screwed up. So he tells her the truth.

“Fuck me up all my orifices if I haven’t tried, woman. I can’t do it.”

And there it is. Mikasa might’ve thought Levi is not serious about this. Levi might’ve fooled himself into believing that too. Standing at the doorstep of Jager residence in all his good-for-nothing glory, there’s no denying it anymore. If Levi can stay away, he would’ve a long time ago.

“You don’t want to,” Mikasa says in an accusing tone, eyes furious gasoline. Levi knows he should tread carefully, but there’s nothing careful about him even getting involved with Eren Jager.

“No,” he affirms bluntly. “No, I don’t.”

“He’s just a boy.” Her words are close to pleading. “If you are half the person he tells me you are, you would not go on this trip.”

 _But I’m not_. “Eren is a man now. Which is why I am going on this trip.”

“L-Levi!”

Mikasa and Levi simultaneously turn towards the voice. Eren is leaning slightly against the kitchen doorway, eyes on his feet.

“I hope I got this right,” he mumbles, waving the can in his hand. Levi internally curses with remarkable obscenity.

“Levi?”

Levi looks up at him. Confusion suits Eren as much as anything else. Perhaps everything looks beautiful on him. _Drag me to nine hells_ , Levi thinks, disgusted by how sentimental he’s become. He walks past Mikasa and plucks the tea from Eren’s hand.

“Don’t go wasting your part time money on shit like this,” Levi reproves him. He could tell how expensive it was, just from the smell of the leaves. “How did you even know—“

“Petra told me,” Eren replies carelessly. Levi instinctively freezes, feeling dread settle on his bones.

“Hey,” Eren gently says, grazing Levi’s hand with his fingertips. Levi immediately feels a bit better, much as he’s afraid to admit it.

Mikasa coughs impatiently. A look of annoyance flits on Eren’s face, but he backs away. “We still have time. I’m gonna make you some tea.”

Levi watches him leave, noting the skintight leather pants clinging dangerously low on his hips. Nothing says “going in for the kill with the horny old guy” more than wearing such an attire just for flying. Levi knows he’s being unfair by sending mixed messages, but he needs to finally settle this. He dumps himself on the sofa and holds his head in his hands.

To his surprise, Mikasa sits next to him. “He worships you, when you’ve done nothing for him.”

It’s then that she cracks. Levi knows it well, the way an apathetic person crumbles. He’s seen it on the mirror too many times.

“Even just a little, do you love him?”

The problem is how red-hot bright Eren is. He blinds Levi to his fears and insecurities, to the bitter truths he’s come to know, even to where he stands in Levi’s heart. With Eren, anything is possible. There isn’t a question of whether he loves Eren. How could he not?

And yet through it all, there is someone that Eren can’t blind him too, someone he can’t outshine no matter how brilliant he burns.

“No one will love him like you do,” Levi says, kinder than he thought he could be. After all, he owes Mikasa more than she could know. “He doesn’t understand, but one day he will. By the time that happens, will you still be there?”

“Always,” Mikasa answers without a hint of doubt. Neither of them would admit it, but the silent moment marks a grudging truce between them. Nevertheless, Mikasa ends it. “Don’t take him down with you, or I will break every bone in your midget body.

Levi hasn’t paid attention to very many women in his lifetime. But lately, he’s been meeting an impressive lot. “You know what,” he says, feeling the uncharacteristic urge to laugh. “I might even let you.”

* * *

Daniella’s bikini is engine red, tied haphazardly at the sides of her hipbones and across her nape. She stares at him under remarkably long lashes, eyes slowly traveling down his body. When their eyes meet again, she licks her lips once. He instinctively mimics the gesture.

“Don’t you love beach weddings?” she purrs, stretching leisurely across the lounge.

“The wedding is in six hours,” Erwin says with an amused grin as he ducks under her umbrella. "You’re not going to ask me to put sunscreen on you, are you?”

“It won’t be that easy to get your hands on me,” Daniella says with an innocent smile, taking the sunscreen spray beside her and shaking it. The lewdness of the motion does not escape Erwin.

“Daniella Zackley, seducing me with B-rated rom-com moves.”

“Erwin Smith, thinking like an uncouth teenage boy,” Daniella counters, unaffected by the insult. She flicks her hair over her shoulder begins spraying. The smooth expanse of her back reveals lithe curves that are distinctly feminine.

Erwin sits on a lounge chair and looks at her with a thoughtful expression. “Daniella, what is this really about?”

The gaze that she gives him is so unreadable that Erwin begins to feel conscious of how bare he is. It’s not like Daniella hasn’t seen what’s underneath his white swim trunks, but he can’t muster the same wicked stare he gives her during their previous liaisons. Even sitting inches across each other feels disconcerting.

Without warning, she places a hand at the side of his neck. Erwin recognizes the inflamed glaze of her eyes, and his breath quickens automatically. Her hand travels down his shoulder, over the muscles of his arms, and settles on top of his hand.

Her hand is warm and soft. Levi’s was strong and callused, gripping his with such ferocity that he wonders if he’s afraid of letting go. Or maybe it was Erwin who was afraid.

“Stop it.”

“Even if I stop, you can’t pretend that you don’t want me,” Daniella declares brazenly. “And if I don’t stop and you give in, you can’t pretend it’s just because you want me.”

“You’re killing me,” Erwin groans, genuinely frustrated by the situation.

“You’re more masochistic than you think,” Daniella muses. Her eyes flicker to his right. “Just ask him.”

Erwin follows her stare. Levi and Eren are about a hundred feet away, walking along the beach close enough that their shoulders touch. As they get nearer, Erwin sees that Eren is animatedly talking, and Levi is looking at him with blatant scorn—his version of affection.

It’s Eren that notices him first, his eyes narrowing so instantly that Erwin almost smiles. Almost. _He’s wearing Eren’s clothes,_ Erwin absently notes, feeling an immature twinge at his gut. Eren pulls just a bit closer to Levi, his bare lips almost brushing his ear as he whispers. As his eyes meet Erwin’s, Levi’s expression completely stills for a moment.

The desire that flashes there is unmistakable, even though it’s quickly replaced by cold apathy. His eyes dart down the hand engulfed in Daniella’s. Erwin stands immediately, letting go of Daniella’s hand like it’s an open flame.

 _After this, we’ll finally know_ , Erwin tries to tell him, but a sudden fear grips him. He’s always wanted to know the answer, whether it’s good or bad, but he’s not eager to rock this four-man boat.

“It’s been a good while, young man,” he greets Eren affably. There’s an implicit agreement that they are not to mention their eventful meeting at Erwin’s office. Eren nods somberly. To his credit, he doesn’t do anything foolish like put his arm around Levi or take his hand.

Levi’s stone-hard eyes travel up and down Daniella, who is now standing beside Erwin.

“You’re not shy,” Daniella says, voice dripping with honey. The poisoned type. “Like what you see?”

Levi considers for a moment. Daniella’s bare, sunkissed face has a natural appeal that is no less attractive than her perfectly made up one. Her skin is flawless from head to heel, her curves a graceful contrast to her toned limbs.

“I’m gayer than a rainbow. Why don’t you ask the old man?”

“I know his opinion on the matter very well,” Daniella says casually, with a loaded glance at Erwin. “Would Eren happen to be a qualified judge?”

Eren blushes furiously, spluttering protests. Levi feels a shot of hostility up his veins. “Stop fucking with him. I’m sure I’m enough to entertain you.”

Daniella raises an eyebrow. “In an oversized sweatshirt you borrowed from your boyfriend?”

Something snaps within Levi as he closes the distance between him and Daniella. When they’re standing toe to toe, he heatedly pulls the offensive article over his head. Eren’s jaw drops almost comically, while the tension eases off Erwin’s shoulders. It’s not everyday that one gets to appreciate the consequences of Levi’s occupation.

Daniella looks unimpressed. “Too chiseled, won’t you say? I prefer the canvas as raw as possible.” She directs her bored eyes to Eren as she approaches, stepping well into his personal space.

“Let’s see what _you_ are made of, little boy,” Daniella says playfully, toying with the zipper of Eren’s sweatshirt. Erwin cocks his head to the side like a confused puppy. Levi feels like he’s been suckerpunched, but he lets nothing show on his face. He has no idea where she’s going with this—is she just messing with Levi?

Maybe the problem is that this woman does whatever she wants at the moment, making her impossible to predict. When Daniella looks coyly over his shoulder, there’s no doubting the glint of challenge in her eyes, and there’s nothing coy about her smile. Then she turns back to Eren.

“Give him a good show, love,” she says in a low voice, holding Eren’s confused eyes. He has never felt very confident about his body, especially not as he’s looking at Erwin’s. Then it hits him—if he himself is that stunned by Erwin, the frozen expression on Levi’s face must’ve meant…

 _And Levi has never looked at me like that_. Eren swiftly pulls the zipper down and pushes the sweatshirt off his shoulders.

Eren wasn’t really thinking of how this course of action will turn out, but he feels a flush of victory when he renders the three of them speechless. Even Erwin looks impressed despite himself. _Only the young ones ever look like that_ , he reflects. They pull off the slender muscle tone with a boyish charm, in a way people in their thirties couldn’t. Even if they’re Erwin Smith. 

Daniella eventually wolf whistles, lightly running a finger across his chest. Eren feels a tingle running up his spine, perhaps from irritation or embarrassment. But the look on Levi’s face is well worth it. His eyebrow eases into a staggered expression, eyes unblinking and lips slightly parted. If he didn’t see Eren _that_ way, he does now.

“Well, well,” Daniella says, shaking her head. “You got yourself a looker, Levi.”

If Erwin smooths everything over, his chance will be gone. Eren takes three strides to Levi and grabs his hand, subtly positioning himself between him and Erwin.

“I’ll help the others set up at four, boss,” Eren tells Daniella. Then, he meets Erwin’s mildly astounded stare and winks. “That should be enough time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three chapters to go! I've got some ideas on the finale, but right now I'm just running wild. Anything you guys wanna see?


	20. i love only him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flying too high, falling too deep, clawing your way up, and crashing to the dead end.

Eren was not bad company, not at all.

Levi has never liked swimming and burning under the sun, but Eren found a way to provoke him into proving he’s the “manlier man” through water wrestling. Later, Levi watched keenly by the sidelines as Eren finished up with the installations. The sunset danced on his bare tanned skin, and his eyes were deadly focused but feverish as his art consumed him. Levi could hardly mind being forgotten then. During the ceremony, they made a contest of who could shock the guests more, telling their outrageous background stories and gay stints.

Levi pretended Eren wasn’t gawking at him all that time, that his eyes didn’t light up when Levi showed up in a black suit and silver silk tie.

Eren was not bad company, not at all, but Levi can’t deny the swelling warmth in his chest when he finally sees Erwin walking along the beach, just in time for the reception. The pristine white suit sits handsomely on him, but then again, everything does. Daniella is walking along, iridescent in her skintight dress. In the light of dusk, they look better than the bride and groom themselves.

As they approach, Daniella smiles like she has somehow read Levi’s thoughts. “Enjoyed your afternoon, boys?”

“You rich guys have boring pretentious parties,” Eren replies, lightly touching Levi’s arm. Erwin doesn’t miss the possessive gesture, and Levi sees a fleeting flash of anger on his face.

“I’m sure you two can keep each other entertained during boring pretentious weddings,” Daniella says wryly. She glances at Erwin before adding, “Erwin and I certainly have our ways.”

“Don’t be stingy. Why don’t you share those ways with us?” Levi says flatly, staring at Erwin with unspoken challenge.

“You didn’t seem to be so interested in our activities before, Levi,” Erwin says mildly, but the steel is unmistakable in his tone. His coldness hurts Levi, but then he has always been a masochist. So he presses the bruise. He deserves it. After all, he hurt Erwin too.

“You’re not going to ask why I’m coming with Daniella,” Erwin said that night, after admitting he’s attending the same event Levi and Eren were heading to. “And you’re not going to ask me to stay away from her.”

Levi stood silent. He couldn’t understand the despair in that voice, or the darkening of those eyes.   _I’m not yours and you’re not mine._ It had felt like an escape route before, but somewhere along the way it became a cage he couldn’t escape from.

“I accept your nature, Levi,” Erwin continued, sighing despondently. “But sometimes, it’s like I’m chasing someone who has never looked over his shoulder to check if I’m still chasing.”

“What do you want me to do, Erwin?” Levi asked in frustration. He huffed and turned away from Erwin, running a shaking hand through his hair. “I’ve stripped myself of every single goddamn thing, so what are you asking for?”

The silence suffocated him. Erwin Smith always had a comeback for everything. Maybe they were both falling apart.

“I’m sorry for wanting what you’re not ready to give,” Erwin eventually said, unable to look him in the eye. “What do you want me to do, Levi?”

He didn’t have an answer. He still doesn’t have one now.

Daniella turns to Eren. “Once these people know your name, you’d be in a lot of parties like this,” she says cheerfully, as if unaware of the bitter tension in the air. “What kind of mentor would I be if I don’t teach you how to dance?”

“He’ll live,” Levi snaps. He takes Daniella’s hand and pulls her away from both Erwin and Eren. “If you’re dying to teach someone, I dance as piss poor as he does.”

Daniella does not protest, instead leaning even closer to him. “I will teach you a lesson or two, little Levi. I’m sure Eren would prefer his boyfriend teaching him anyway.”

Before any of them has the chance to respond, Daniella guides Levi to the dancefloor.

“What the fuck are you up to?” Levi snarls as she puts his right hand on her waist.

“Subtle as ever, I see,” Daniella says, eyes twinkling with amusement. “Eren is a beautiful young man, isn’t he? Eyes of a thousand colors, fire running in his veins. And that’s one hell of an ass. I wouldn’t blame anyone who gets captivated by him.”

At that moment, it all finally clicks in Levi’s head. “I will rip your cunt and shove all your shit in it—“

“Don’t kill the messenger when the message is unpalatable. The truth almost always is,” Daniella cuts him off nonchalantly. “You are mesmerized by him. You trust him. You protect him. You love him.”

“Leave Eren Jager out of this,” Levi spits through gritted teeth. “I will take you on, Zackley. But don’t take it that far.”

“All is fair in love and war,” Daniella says while twirling, forcing Levi to stand on his tiptoes. “What is untouchable in the game of love?”

Levi forcefully pulls her body against his. He responds to her tiny wince with merciless eyes. “Family.”

“Family,” Daniella repeats softly. She begins to sway them both, the picture of a passionate couple to all the world. “You have heard of Erwin’s family, haven’t you? His mother was an impossibly headstrong woman. His father had the mind of a legend, and his sister was a storm all on her own. Erwin has a bit of all of them, but better. He lived.”

Daniella gives his shoulder a final squeeze before placing her hand on Levi’s face, clutching his jaw hard. Her stare says she can hurt Levi right back. “I saw his world collapse and I was holding his hand all that time. I’d flatter myself by thinking he wouldn’t be the person he is now without me. But a part of me believes it.”

“You’re desperate to believe it,” Levi says. “He may be the person he’s now because of you, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to need you forever.”

“And it’s you he needs by his side? A disturbed janitor who can give him nothing,” Daniella whispers, looking down at him with razors. “Look at all these people. How do you think they’ll see you, if they knew? They all used to say no woman could ever be Erwin’s match. That is, until they came to know me.”

All of a sudden, Daniella’s face lightens. “Do you know Greek mythology?” she asks amiably, as if Levi were her friend. “There was this wretched boy, Icarus. Imprisoned in an island, trapped in the dark confines of a labyrinth. But somehow, he and his father built wings to break free of their captivity.”

Levi’s eyes tightened. A part of him knows he doesn’t want to hear this, but he’s too used to inflicting pain upon himself.

“As Icarus spread his wings and soared higher and higher, he began thinking he was better than he was. He flew too close to the sun and fell,” Daniella ran a finger down his cheek, nails scraping deep enough to leave a white trail on his dry skin. “Sinking deeper and deeper, until he was at a place darker and more inescapable than the labyrinth itself.”

Levi does not look away. Maybe he deserves all of this, but he’s not the type to back down. “I know a different story,” he says without inflection. “Icarus told the sea to fuck his wet asshole. He fought the sea with his whole worthless being.”

“Icarus saw the sun and followed it,” he continues, squeezing Daniella’s hand tight enough to bruise. “He saw a hand breaking into the surface and he grabbed on.”

Daniella does not flinch this time. “And Icarus can’t let go of that hand, but he also can’t look away from the sun,” she replies. “In trying to save himself he’s just going to pull someone down with him. Selfish, foolish little Icarus.”

“You may love him, but I love _only_ him,” Daniella declares with icy rage. Levi wants to cover his ears, to run away, but she has him frozen him in place. “You don’t deserve to stand by Erwin Smith.”

The song ends, but the final notes are drowned out by the thunder rumbling in his chest. Daniella’s face is a blur of fair skin and red lipstick, her hair liquid gold. The lights are spinning. The waves turn to a tsunami and sweep him off his feet.

Daniella is right. All this time, pretending that there was nothing wrong with what he and Erwin had. That he wasn’t being horribly unfair to both Erwin and Eren. That this would never need to end.

_I’ll stick to his skin and corrupt him like acid. I’ll get in his head and feed on him until he’s rotted away._

Levi sees Erwin stand abruptly and walk up to meet him, hands reaching out. His earlier coldness has dissipated with the twilight, like all his resentment faded with the setting of the sun. _Why are you looking at me like that?_

“Levi.” His blonde hair and white suit are windblown. He’s never sounded so afraid. _You’re beautiful. I want you to be mine._

“Don’t touch me,” Levi hisses. A flood of self-loathing overwhelms him. “Don’t touch me!” he repeats with more venom. When he raises a hand to push Erwin away, Daniella grabs it tight and glares at him with revulsion. Erwin moves to pull him away from her, but Levi tears himself away from them both.

“I’m going back,” Levi croaks out, barely audible. He doesn’t quite remember how to walk—or how to breathe—but somehow he manages to leave the lights and sounds of the wedding behind him. 

He should’ve known he would follow. He always does.

“Go back to the hotel, Eren,” Levi says numbly, not daring to look back. He looks at the dark horizon, where the turbulent ocean meets the pitch black sky. There are so many stars, but Levi is tired of looking up.

“What are you gonna do if I leave you alone?” Eren says, voice pitched with panic. His footfalls are soundless on the sand, but Levi knows he would be closing in by now.

“It’s alright. Just go back.”

“No,” Eren catches up and pulls him by the arm, letting momentum send their bodies crashing. “Don’t push me away!”

Eren holds his face with both hands. Levi instinctively leans into their warmth, inhaling the scent of paint that never seems to fully fade. That’s when the sky crashes down on Levi, when the ground crumbles at his feet. “I can’t do this right now.”

Eren rakes his face with a searching stare, as obstinate and kind as he’s ever been.

“It’s a set-up. All of this,” Levi moans, letting Eren carry the weight of everything. He is so very, very tired. “To shove into my face that I would never be with Erwin, that I should choose you and leave them alone. She used you against me.”

Eren’s face melts into guilt. “Levi, I told her I wanted to be with you,” he confesses softly. “You didn’t need to protect me from her. It’s me who should’ve protected you from her.”

Eren kisses him.

One of his hands rests on Levi’s undercut, trembling hard. The other is pushing his coat off his shoulders. Levi has a second to feel the cold air whipping on him before Eren is on him, _all around him_ , burning all of his thoughts into ashes. Eren is a bad kisser, but then again, Levi is a worse lover.

It should’ve been enough. It would’ve been enough.

For one sick moment, Erwin’s face flashes on Levi’s mind. _There’s me, Levi._

“I love you,” Eren whispers, afraid but resolute, like he’s sharing the deepest truth he knows.

So Levi tells him his own truth. It’s the only thing he could give Eren, after all. “I want you to be happy,” he says, pulling away gently. He gathers all the strength he has left to look into those eyes—shattered sapphires, the green of deep sea. “I want you to have the world. Do you understand?

Levi watches as realization dawns on Eren’s eyes. He would never forget those moments. It’s just another heartbreak, but for the first time, there are no regrets.

Eren gives Levi a mercy he’s never had—closure. “What do you think of me, Levi? I’m a man.”

Levi tastes salt on his lips. He closes his eyes.

“I’m in love with Erwin.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...phew.
> 
> I really don't know what to say. This time, the writing process was fast and furious. Two chapters to go! Let's have fun. :)


	21. a choice with no regrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Self-denial is a game  
> It’s strange—  
> I never would’ve wanted until there was you  
> Because I have learned that love is beyond what humans can imagine  
> The more it clears, the more I have to let you go

“What have you done?”

Erwin slams the door of his hotel room behind him. He usually does not succumb to such juvenile behavior, but this time he lets his fury erupt to the surface.

When Daniella turns to face him, all trace of her smile is gone. She lets her bag fall to the floor and opens her arms. “If you were a lesser man, I would try to manipulate you into choosing me. But you deserve better, and Levi does too.” She looks right into his eyes, her words candid but not cruel. “So I told him the truth we all know. You and Levi have no future.”

Erwin clenches his jaw as he lets his wrath wash over him. “You have no right to decide that.”

“No, I don’t,” Daniella concedes, slowly approaching him. When she takes his hands in hers Erwin does not protest, but neither does he reciprocate. “And I’m sorry for crossing the line. But you won’t choose him just to punish me. You’re not that kind of man.”

“I’m the kind of man who protects the people he loves.”

Daniella looks away, and Erwin recognizes the tinge of pain in her averted eyes. He realizes that this is the first time she has been hurt because of him loving someone else.

“You’re in love with him right now. I’m not questioning that,” Daniella admits. “But you love me always. When you remember that, you’d come back running like you always do."

She steps in and holds his face affectionately. His skin knows that touch, just as he knows of the unspoken attachment between them. Through the years, both of them have fallen in love with other people, and were never jealous—they were each other’s satellite after all, bound to one another’s orbits to the end of their days.

If Daniella is saying what’s been left unspoken now, the balance must have been tipped somehow. She must know that Levi is not just a passing asteroid, but a new planet pulling at Erwin with compelling gravity.

“We’re too good for each other to stay apart,” Daniella adds. “You and me, Erwin. We have the world.”

“My family spent their lives conquering the world and I spent my life living up to that legacy,” Erwin says. “I don’t have any regrets about the way I’ve lived, but I don’t need the world anymore. Levi is enough.”

If anyone understands the duty Erwin is still fulfilling for his long-gone family, it’s Daniella. And if anyone could understand the significance of him letting that responsibility go, it would be Daniella too. Erwin hates himself for the spark of fear that lights up her eyes, but she remains willful and defiant. “Enough to replace me?”

There is no more hesitation, but Erwin braces himself. He’s been tearing himself away for months, yet the final separation still turns him around his axis.

“You’re my dearest friend and my equal. You’re the best part of my last ten years, and would’ve been for the rest of my life,” Erwin says, exhausting all his willpower not to look away. “I’ve known Levi for a few months. He’s hurt me and rejected me and driven me crazy. He has nothing and no one but himself. Daniella, that’s exactly what he gave me.”

It’s the most Erwin can bear. He steps back and closes his eyes, giving Daniella space to gather herself.

“And the funny part is, by giving himself up, he made you his,” she finishes for him. Daniella has always known his next move, his next thoughts. Perhaps she’s been seeing his heart for a while now.

She sighs, and Erwin forces himself to look up at her. Her smile is ironic but her eyes are shining. “It’s so hard to find a gift for someone who has everything, so I just gave you a perfect partner. But you didn’t needa perfect partner. You just needed someone.”

Daniella turns her back on him, looking out at the penthouse view. The city lights are bright enough to hide her reflection on the window. “I should’ve had more confidence in us,” she continues, sitting down at the edge of his bed. “If I trusted that you would love me in my weakness, it would’ve been me.”

Erwin thinks it would be kinder to lie, but he would not insult her by sparing her feelings. “Just so,” he replies. “Maybe I’d find out down the road that there’s no future with Levi. But if I choose this way, I will not regret it.”

The silence seems to stretch for eternity. Finally, Daniella stands and faces him. Her eyes are red, but her cheeks are dry. She picks up her bag and smooths her dress. Her voice is broken but proud as she announces evenly, “This is my cue to gracefully take my leave, with my dignity intact.”

Erwin places both hands on her shoulders and catches her eyes. “Daniella Zackley’s dignity is not something which could ever be damaged. Not by me, and not by anyone.”

Her face breaks out into a grin. She gently pulls him down by the neck and places a chaste kiss on his lips.

“Thank you,” Erwin says, returning her smile. “I don’t need to tell you that I’m here—“

“Shut up.” Daniella laughs, and her tears finally fall. She pushes him down to the bed and snuggles against him. “You’re going to tolerate me tonight.”

* * *

The first thing that registers is the scorching, scratchy heat on his skin. Levi decides to leave it be. He can’t quite remember why, but somehow he’s sure he deserves it. Then it kicks in—the familiar pang of hunger. His jaw is crusted with dried spit and his throat is dry as sand.

 _Sand_. Levi’s eyes flutter open, the sun’s glare forcing him to squint. As the sleepy haze dissipates, the events of last night come to him.

To the end, Eren tried to look out for him, refusing to leave him to his own devices even after Levi had so thoroughly broken down and hurt him. He can’t wrap his head around the fact that Eren—this kid who is invariably possessed by his emotions—came through just to care for a pitiable asshole like him. Levi had to forcefully push him all the way back to the hotel door and command him to go back to his room and rest.

“It’s okay,” he said, kissing Eren’s shoulder from behind. “We’re going to be okay.”

When he felt Eren trembling under his lips, Levi wanted nothing more than to join him under the covers and, for once, be the adult in this relationship. But he knew one more night would just make it harder. 

A part of him also knew that, quite possibly, he needed to be held just as much as Eren did.

After that, there was nothing to do but walk to the most isolated part of the coastline and watch the waves collide with the shore. _It must hurt_ , he thought, _to travel thousands of miles in the vast isolation of the ocean, just to break when they finally reach their destination_. He lied down and turned his eyes to the black sky, trying to empty his corroded mind.

 _Erwin_.

It hurt like a bitch. So Levi pressed on it.

_Erwin.Erwin.Erwin._

Now the name is stuck on his head. He had told himself to give up, knowing that Daniella got it all right. He pushed Erwin away, insisting he was owned by no one. If he were a man, he’d say it was for pride. But Levi has long stopped being a man, stopped making his own choices the moment despair took over his life. He’s just a sad leftover of a fleeting happiness that was never truly his.

There is no reason, no rebellion, no pride. There is nothing but a dying beast—the thing that Erwin found, which he should’ve stepped on, but instead picked up with his neatly-filed fingers and clutched against his Armani-clad chest. It was wrong—Levi couldn’t possibly belong there. He was confused, afraid.

 _I’m in love with him_.

Why is it that he could never stand by what he wants? Why is it that he couldn’t just _fix_ himself? He frantically shoves the frustration into the deepest corners of his mind and lets instinct take over. Levi finds himself trudging across the beach and back to the hotel. His clothes are crusted with sand, his tie askew, and who knows what kind of madman the rest of him looks like. He doesn’t give a damn anymore.

“Erwin Smith,” Levi croaks out. He coughs, as if it would make any difference. “I need to see him.”

The receptionist looks at him with carefully masked alarm. “But Mr. Smith’s—“ he starts with a shiny smile. “Ah, he may not wish to be disturbed.”

“Let him up.”

Daniella is standing four feet behind him, her steady gaze unfathomable. Levi can’t come up with more than one reason why she would still be in her dress from the night before, but with unstyled hair and no makeup.

She raises a hand, her eyes unwavering. When Levi does not respond, she takes his hand and shakes it firmly.

“I’m quite certain Erwin Smith wants a word with him, _urgently_ ,” she says flatly without looking away from him. Her face flickers with emotion for the briefest moment before she walks out, her strides powerful and her head held high.

The receptionist’s face relaxes into a reassured smile, relieved to have someone accountable for this whole mess, as he gives Erwin’s room number. Levi numbly attempts to fix himself as the elevator moves up. He is alone, mercifully.

When he reaches the door Levi immediately knocks, stamping down the anguish pounding in his head. “Erwin.” He notices his hand shaking and clutches his wrist to restrain it. “Erwin!”

The door opens abruptly, revealing a disheveled Erwin still in his shirt from last night. He looks like he’s on the verge of saying something urgent, but the moment he registers Levi’s face, his expression freezes.

There’s an engine red smudge on the corner of his mouth.

“Levi, Daniella and I—“

The raging urge to laugh uncontrollably rises in Levi’s gut. _Love_. The demons are clawing at him, shutting his airways and crushing the words he wanted to say. He couldn’t even remember them now.

 _Love_. It was the most wretched dream. Everybody is laughing.

Levi suddenly couldn’t bear Erwin looking down at him. He walks past him and into the room. The sheets are rumpled, and the unmistakable hint of a woman’s perfume lingers in the air.

“I can’t,” Levi says, his grip on his wrist tight enough to bruise. Erwin places a tentative hand on his elbow. He pulls away as if scalded, whipping around to face him.

“I can’t leave yet. Eren—” Even as the name leaves his lips, Levi could taste the acrid self-hate rising like bile up his throat. “I have to stay with Eren. He needs me. He said he loved me.”

“Are you choosing him?” Erwin says quietly, letting his hand fall. “Do you love him?”

“You know the answer to that.”

“Then,” Erwin takes a step back. His voice is numb, but his question is a knife to Levi’s gut. “Are you saying we’re done?”

Sometimes, two paths with very unlike beginnings and trajectories intersect—may it be coincidence or fate, Levi doesn’t know or care. Erwin saw them colliding and chose to meet him with a smile, to push himself into Levi’s borders with his unquestioning acceptance and friendly conversation. But such paths also have very different endings, and so they must cross but once and part. Levi has known from the moment he saw Erwin that time will come when they would walk right past each other, never to meet again.

“I’m saying we were done before we even began.”

And it’s _alright_. It’s alright because that’s the way it’s supposed to be. People come and go, and Erwin is perfect because he will take nothing with him and leave no trace behind. No sadness, no tears.

He’s something Levi could not hold, so how come Erwin’s confused expression fractures like he’s in Levi’s hands and he dropped him? He has to run from this meltdown, but that would be a mistake, so Levi settles for looking away. _Let it end here._

Erwin sighs deeply and wraps his arms around himself, as if he was left standing in the cold. _Why are you shaking?_

“My best friend warned me about you,” Erwin says, a clipped statement ending in a small ironic laugh. “He told me to be careful, and to not forget that when I’m around you _._ But I did.”

Levi wants to remember Erwin’s voice as calm, embellished by his occasional deep and heartfelt laughter. He wants to remember his face as imperturbable and gentle, headstrong but not unkind. Not this. With red pain resonating in every word, bitter resentment etched on his features.  Never this.

“Is it this easy for you to throw me out of your life?” Erwin finishes, so quiet that he seems to be fading away already.

Levi is _done_ with this, he’s decided before they even met, so why does it feel like there’s a hurricane inside him? “No regrets,” he acidly reminds Erwin, and himself. “You told me before. So don’t look at me like that now.”

_Don’t look at me like you’re actually hurt, you bastard._

And now here they are, with Erwin seeing the real him as always, but finally, Levi could see him right back. Exactly what he is afraid of.

Because if Erwin can be ugly, if he’s human, then Levi could love him.

Erwin sighs deeply, shaking his head. Levi couldn’t bear to look at him straight, so he settles for observing the rise and fall of his chest. Maybe Erwin would nod, smile, and shake his hand. Maybe he’d simply open the door and Levi would break into pieces on his way out, pretending Erwin somehow lost his grand composure too.

He doesn’t expect that Erwin would take him and trap him between the closed door and his larger build. Erwin’s face is mere inches from Levi’s. It’s inescapable—his heat, the intensity of his stare, the barest hint of danger in the lilt of his mouth.

“I’m yours, whether you want that or not. I’ve been yours for a long time, I think,” Erwin’s words are rueful, but the resolve in his voice knocks all protests out of Levi. “It’s over between me and Daniella.”

“What?” Levi’s mask of dismissive anger disintegrates, his perpetually furrowed brows loosening and the hard line of his mouth left agape.

“I don’t regret that, as I don’t regret this,” Erwin says before taking Levi’s lips with his own. Levi moans, parched to the core. He wants this— _needs_ this—more than he could bear. He can’t ignore the sun, but it’s impossible to breathe without Erwin. It’s impossible not to want it all. Erwin growls when Levi’s impatient hands rip his shirt off, the buttons clattering on the floor. Levi’s walls are dust and his air is gone. He’s so lightheaded that he could almost snip off the burdens that sink him six feet under.

“I love you,” Erwin whispers fervently. “Be mine, and it will only be you for me from now on.”

Levi crashes back down to reality. Erwin is looking forward to a future he can’t even see. Even if the past is erased, Levi still has nothing, is nothing, and would amount to nothing. _In trying to save himself he’s just going to pull someone down with him._ _You don’t deserve to stand by Erwin Smith._

Levi rests his lips on the side of Erwin’s neck. He closes his eyes and brands it all to his mind—the slightest stubble on his skin, the earthy scent free of expensive aftershave, the taut expanse of his chest and the strong heartbeat underneath. The arms that are steady and warm around him, and the voice still ringing in Levi’s ear. Erwin is _alive_.

“I’m sorry. You loved a dead man.”

* * *

Nothing has changed.

Except that Erwin lies on his bed at night, listening to the endless tick-tock until he somehow falls into disturbed sleep. Except that he works just as usual, but Mike keeps inhaling deeply when he passes by. Except that when he finds a set of keys on the doorstep, he throws it in a drawer and goes boxing for three hours.

He was making omelets one day when it suddenly hit him. He knew it was bad when Hanji turned off the stove and pushed him back to his bedroom. Erwin didn’t even protest.

Within the first month, the apartment has turned into a dump. When Erwin lifted his phone to call housekeeping service, he couldn’t bring himself to punch in the digits.

 _It’s the third monthsary_ , Erwin thinks with twisted humor as he works himself to exhaustion. It’s not like him to be masochistic, so he decides to be as uncharacteristic as he could be.

“Let’s go drinking.”

It says a lot when Mike does not poke at his moment of weakness. “The day that Levi left was the first time I was able to smell you. And then I knew.” His gruff voice is kinder than Erwin has ever heard. “Will you leave it like this? This is the first time you surrendered.”

“Levi said I loved a dead man,” Erwin says without looking up from his laptop screen. He couldn’t really see what’s on it. “I gave up on my family when they died.”

“As your best friend, I’d say it’s for the best and you’ll get through this.” Mike sighs and places a steady hand on his shoulder. “As your colleague, I’d say get a fucking vacation.”

Erwin smiles wryly. “That bad?”

Mike only rolls his eyes in reply.

The phone unexpectedly rings. With a brow raised in surprise, Erwin clicks the receiver. Rico’s voice echoes in the room. “Somebody’s in the lobby for you, Erwin. Refuses to give any name or position, quite an insistent shithead according to reception.”

It’s Mike who answers for him. “It’s ten-fucking-thirty. This guy is done for the night. In fact, he’s done for a month. He’s gonna fly to Miami and shack up with every pretty girl who wants a piece of his aged ass.”

Erwin laughs despite himself. With a straight face and a scarily commanding tone, Mike adds, “Tell him that. Precisely that.”

It’s probably not the wisest move, but since it’s out of character day, Erwin just gives up. Anyone who walks in at this hour demanding his time deserves it anyway.

“He says, “ _That aged ass is my property_ ”,” comes Rico’s tinny voice. “He says he wants to be your cleaning guy.”

Erwin wants to laugh at himself as he runs to the elevator, but the way his heart is thundering in his chest kind of frightens him. He punches the buttons a tad too forcefully. Twenty-four floors. Erwin forces himself to calm down, to not jump to conclusions—

 “Yes, I was the janitor who caused Farro’s dick surgery, but can you tell me he didn’t fucking deserve it—“

Levi is standing by the flustered receptionist’s desk. He looks exactly the same.

Except that the color is high on his cheeks and his clothes are covered with frost, indicating that he braved the freezing night on his bike. Except that the bags under his eyes are a touch darker, his hair long and unkempt.

Then Levi finally notices Erwin, and his face melts into wonder and disbelief.

Erwin reaches him in a few strides. Without explaining to the receptionist, or even acknowledging her presence, he grabs Levi’s hand and drags him to the elevator.

By the time the doors close, both of them are breathless and gawking at each other. Erwin can’t remember a single thing he wanted to say—not the incensed outburst about being left in the dark, not the pleading declarations of love, not the pathetic lament about the constant ache in his chest. Nothing at all.

Without warning, Levi punches the elevator buttons and the doors open. He storms out into a deserted floor and Erwin follows in shock.

“Levi, let’s just talk about this!”

“No!” he answers without turning back. Erwin tries to wrap his head around this development, but it’s impossible. He’s overworked, underslept, heartbroken and most definitely at the end of his rope.

“Then why in seven hells did you come here at ten-fucking-thirty on the third month of you walking away from me only to walk away from me again?”

Levi stops abruptly, and Erwin crashes into him before he could stop himself. Levi is already scrambling to his feet even as he falls on him, but Erwin’s had enough. “What are you doing?” he asks exasperatedly as he grabs Levi’s arm, trying to catch his eye.

Levi adamantly refuses to look at him. “I can’t stand being in a fucking four by four cage with you!”

The incredulity of it all blows Erwin’s mind. “Why?”

“Because then I’m gonna do this,” Levi says as he kisses him. His lips are terribly chapped and his tongue is overpowering. Erwin groans and gives in immediately, but before he could reciprocate, Levi pulls away.

“Say yes,” Levi gasps out, glaring at him with fervid eyes.

“What?” Erwin says dumbly. All his wits have deserted him.

“Are you hiring me back?” Levi demands impatiently. “You did tell me to be yours. I shouldn’t blame the old for being forgetful.”

It finally clicks—Levi is _walking back_ into his life. Erwin suddenly can’t stand it, how fucking _hard_ it’s been these past three months, and how easily Levi discards him and picks him up. He knows he shouldn’t be so bitter, particularly since he has imagined Levi showing up just like this all this time, but something in him snaps.

“You want to work here?” he asks brusquely, standing up. But he feels no sense of satisfaction as he towers over Levi.

“No,” he answers gravely. Levi doesn’t make a move, but Erwin sees his fists clenching tight. Those fists are trembling just slightly, his breathing rapid and shallow—Erwin realizes that he couldn’t stand. _He is terrified._

“I want to visit their graves without ripping myself apart. I want to forgive myself for what I’ve done to all of them, to you, to me,” Levi says hoarsely as he looks up at him. Then the strangest thing happens—his lips curve up slowly and the corners of his usually hard eyes crease. “So I did.”

Levi is _smiling_.

“Because I want to hold a brush again,” he continues, pulling himself up. “I want to stand beside you.”

“I want to live again,” Levi’s voice breaks. He looks up at the ceiling, blinking rapidly. With a sharp exhale, he turns glistening gray eyes back at Erwin. “And I’m dumbshit enough to let you convince me that I can.”

Levi shifts and gets on his knees. He roughly grabs Erwin’s left wrist and clutches his ring finger tight. In an unassailable tone, he declares, “I want to fuck you right here, right now. I’ll fuck you when we’re old men with sagging balls. I’ll fuck you to your deathbed. Your last confession would be fucking me as the priest gives you final rites.”

“You’re proposing,” Erwin says, in awe at his realization. He wants to laugh and cry at the same time.

“You’ve pestered me enough for a lifetime, so consider this payback,” Levi says with such conviction that it almost knocks Erwin to his knees. He has never seen anyone half as terrifying, or anyone half as incredible.

“I will follow you, Erwin Smith. That’s a choice I will never regret.”

* * *

_I'm just a realistic man_  
_Afraid to love beyond what I can lose when it comes to you_  
_And though I see us through_  
_Chances lost are hope's torn up pages  
_ _Maybe this time_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m in shock right now. I don’t even know what to say. I expect the emotions to come tomorrow morning.
> 
> Thank you all so much. Oh my god. Y’all the reason this fic has gone this far.
> 
> A (painfully cheesier, certified fangirlish) **epilogue** coming up! You just have to tolerate me for one more chapter!


	22. happy birthday!! @OfficialJesusChrist @LevitheCleaningGuy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **UPDATE** : The bonus smut chapter is out now. If you're interested, check it out [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5598694).
> 
> Music:
> 
> [Mr. Smith's Cleaning Guy | Finale](http://8tracks.com/fangirl_feminista/mr-smith-s-cleaning-guy-finale?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button) from [fangirl_feminista](http://8tracks.com/fangirl_feminista?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button) on [8tracks Radio](http://8tracks.com?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button).
> 
> You may want to skip this miscellaneous author’s notes part (⌒_⌒;)
> 
> I’m bawling in the dark and listening to Buble’s (I read that as Bubble, always) I’ll Be Home for Christmas. Forgive me for everything.
> 
> For anyone who’s lost (because of the useless author’s hiatus) and wants to backread a bit, I’ve compiled all the songs I’ve listened to as inspiration for Cleaning Guy ~~because just the right ambiance might smokescreen my flawed writing hahaha~~  
>  Levi  
>  Touch - Sleeping At Last | Colourblind - Gabrielle Aplin | Dare You to Move – Switchfoot  
>  Erwin x Levi  
>  1: Anything Could Happen – Ellie Goulding 2: Miracle – Ghost Beach 3: Every Time You Go – Ellie Goulding | True – Ryan Cabrera 4: First Time – Ghost Beach 5: Your Woman – White Town | Beauty of the Dark – Mads Langer | Take Me Away – Gabrielle Aplin 6: Ghost – Blue Foundation | Uncharted – Sara Bareilles 7: Empty Streets – Ghost Beach | Guarded – Kevin Daniel 8: Ghosts – Gabrielle Aplin | Sick Cycle Carousel – Lifehouse 10: Down for You – Ta-ku feat. Alina Baraz 11: Misery – Maroon 5 | Every Breath You Take – Karen Souza | Crazy in Love (2015) – Beyonce 12: Salvation – Gabrielle Aplin | Make You Feel – Alina Baraz feat. Galamatias 13: Hanging by the Moment – Lifehouse | Gravity – Sara Bareilles 16: Light a Fire – Rachel Taylor | Love Me Like You Do – Ellie Goulding 17: Pretty Thoughts – Alina Baraz feat. Galamatias | Time After Time – Eva Cassidy 18: Without a Word – Birdy 20: Hanging On – Ellie Goulding 21: Same Ground – Kitchie Nadal | Cosmic Love – Florence and the Machine | The Way I Was - Maroon 5 | Chances – Five For Fighting 22: Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas – Sam Smith | I’ll Be Home for Christmas – Michael Buble | Far Away – Nickelback  
>  Levi x Eren  
>  9: Touched – VAST 10: Strange and Beautiful – Rebecca Ferguson 15: I Caught Myself – Paramore | As Long as You Love Me – Sleeping At Last 16: Headlights – Morning Parade 19: Static Waves – Andrew Belle feat. Katie Herzig 20: Under The Stars – Morning Parade | Us and Ourselves – Morning Parade 21: All Through The Night – Sleeping At Last 22: You’ll be Safe Here – Rivermaya | Army – Ellie Goulding  
>  Erwin x Levi x Eren  
>  Bizarre Love Triangle – Echosmith | Over My Head – The Fray  
> 

“Happy holidays, my ex-fiancé.”

There’s nothing quite like Daniella Zackley’s musical voice laced with saccharine sweet sarcasm. Erwin breaks into a wide smile and sinks into his new office chair. “Is nine months not enough to get over our pseudo-engagement?”

“Is nine months not enough to regret choosing a foulmouthed college dropout over me?” she retorts from the other end of the line. Erwin shakes his head amusedly. Daniella could insult Levi as much as Erwin insults Eren, and both of them could pretend they’d waste so much time insulting people they don’t respect in the first place.

“I am a happily engaged man, thank you,” Erwin says, dumping three packs of sugar in his coffee. He hears Daniella’s refined snort and imagines the grand eye roll she must be directing at him.

“I will follow you, Erwin Smith. That’s a choice I will never regret,” Daniella says in an eerily accurate impersonation of Levi’s voice. “Engaged, my exquisite ass. You’re like a girl in middle school interpreting her crush’s text.”

“I never should’ve told you that,” Erwin moans, hanging his head. Do all lovestruck people do stupid things like this?

“And I shouldn’t be the one telling you this,” Daniella says, her voice grave. Erwin’s attention snaps up immediately. “Erwin, I’m flying back to Berlin after New Year. I think I might stay there for a couple of years.”

Erwin has no idea what to say. Daniella has traveled often during their ten-year stint, sometimes long-term, and she has never told him beforehand.

“The premier art school I founded there is complete, and I’m planning on mentoring the first batch myself,” she continues. “This is the biggest thing I’ve ever set my eyes on. This is my future, my legacy.”

"And the world will come to know the phenomenon that is Daniella Zackley,” Erwin says, a fond smile on his lips. He expects Daniella to laugh and say she’s going to top that. She does neither.

“Do you remember the very first time I saw Eren and Levi? That night at the upstart show downtown? I would never forget what I saw there,” Daniella says. There’s a long pause before she continues, “Erwin, I invited Eren and Levi to come with me.”

After the phone call, Erwin cancels his next appointment. He sits on the edge of his office table and loosens his tie.

 _“He said he would follow you, and that he would not regret it,”_ Daniella had said. _“But what if there’s a better path he could follow, and you’re not in that path? Would you let him live in regret?”_

Erwin looks at the picture of a disgruntled Levi trying to peel off a pajama-clad Hanji, placed in a modest gray frame on his stately table. The frames on his wall are lavish testaments to his illustrious successes, easily a stark contrast. He takes out his new business card, boasting the new name of the firm, _his_ firm—Smith  & Reiss. Much has happened in the last months.

He folds the card into a perfect airplane and makes it soar across the room.

“Don’t fly so far away.”

* * *

“Happy fucking holidays, stinky skunkbrat.” 

God knows Levi has tried to smash that burst of affection that erupts in his gut every time he sees Eren’s black-lipped smile. Worse is the ease with which Eren puts an arm around his shoulder, and the ease with which Levi lets him.

“Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday!” Eren replies excitedly, with a bit of edge that Levi has come to associate with his normal demeanor.

“You got something to say to us _brats_ , old hick?” Jean grumbles as they enter the bookstore’s threshold. At the stoic look on Levi’s face, Marco immediately steps in and lures Jean away by steering his ass. Levi spots a flushed and sullen Mikasa on a rocking chair, drowning in her unfurled red scarf and sipping beer. Sitting on the carpeted floor by her feet is Armin, lost in a book. Christa is setting up goblets of eggnog and plates of fruit cake muffins, towing an Ymir who is randomly snatching the food. In a corner, Annie is apathetically defeating Reiner in an arm-wrestling match, ogling Marco in tow. Upon seeing Levi, Connie’s wide grin dissipates. “Aw hell no, Twister Mafia is here again! No fun!”

“Give me a halfway acceptable reason why I’m here and I might not skin you,” Levi growls at Eren.

Eren laughs, wildly and wholeheartedly as always. “Sasha’s signature smoked ham, for one.” On cue, Sasha waltzes in with a tray of meat, half-crazed eyes and drool shining under the ambient light. “Me, for two,” Eren finishes with a face-splitting grin.

When it sinks in, both of them stiffen for a beat. Eren looks away in embarrassment, but Levi breaks the tension by smacking his face away.

“Grammarless fuckturd,” he rebukes mildly, rolling his eyes. When Eren beams back, he turns away and lets a small smile through.

Several rounds of boozed up board games later, Jean and Marco are unabashedly making out under the mistletoe, Connie and Sasha are belting Christmas songs, Christa and Ymir have disappeared into a room, Mikasa is telling everyone about Eren’s mortifying childhood stories, and Armin is wiped out. Eren takes Levi by the wrist and leads him up the staircase.

When they reach the art cellar’s threshold, Eren stops and looks at his feet like they’ve suddenly become interesting. “Hey,” he says, soft and tentative.

“Hey,” Levi replies. “What’s up?”

“Listen, I…” Eren starts, looking anywhere but at Levi’s eyes. “I know…things have changed. And next year it will all change again.” He snickers nervously. “What I mean to say is, in the future, about us, when we—“

“What’s inside the damn door, Eren?” Levi says gently, trying to catch his eyes. Eren finally looks up and smiles.

“You haven’t gotten me a Christmas gift, have you?”

When Eren opens the door, Levi freezes on the spot. A white canvas is sprawled on one wall, covering almost its entire surface. Eren picks up a brush from the stand and walks back to him with his hand outstretched. Levi doesn’t step back, but he makes no move to take the brush.

“Next year, everything will be different you know,” Eren says. “Are you ready?”

Levi stares at the brush, trying to find the answer within himself. He doesn’t have much time left to think. But with Eren looking at him like that, his extended hand unwavering, maybe he doesn’t need to. Instead of seizing the brush, Levi takes Eren’s hand. He pulls him to the stand and dips each of their fingers on the paint palette. Eren watches silently as he presses their fingertips on the canvas.

Levi lets Eren’s deep breaths steady him as he moves their arms in wide arcs and their fingers in small strokes. A furor of reds and oranges fading into dirty grays, swathed in the most brilliant jewel tones of green and blue and gold. _You are still home to me, wherever we go._

In about an hour, Eren and Levi are sitting on the floor, looking up at the completed painting. Levi feels exhausted inside and out, but finally, the time is right. The light that once blinded him has made everything clear.

“I officially declare that we are impossible,” Levi says, soft and sure.

“But you’re my friend,” Eren replies. His eyebrows furrow and he suddenly clasps Levi’s shoulder. “I’m your friend, right?”

 _I love you._ Red hair and carefree grin. Gray eyes and a sage smile. Gone, corrupted. And yet Eren is here, with his stormy mood swings and permanently fervent eyes, alive. _I thought it was poison. But you’re immune to that._ “I don’t fuck my friends. Is that clear?”

Eren laughs quietly. “Crystal,” he agrees. Levi is not sure how many seconds has ticked away, or how he lost track of the noise from downstairs. The silence is comforting, the warmth beside him is not scalding, even the air is different.

Eren turns to Levi and puts his scrawny arms around him, placing strong hands on his back. Levi thinks that it’s always been Eren who was braver. “You said we were gonna be okay, and here we are,” he says.

“And you have ruined my shirt.”

“Uh-huh,” Eren acquiesces, burying his head on his shoulder. Levi could feel his smile against his skin. “You can sell that when I’m famous.”

Levi wipes his own hand on the back of Eren’s shirt. “You can sell your shirt when I’m more famous than you.” Instead of letting his hand fall though, Levi pulls him closer and clenches his hands on his back, as if to say _don’t you say a fucking word about this_. Eren may not know it, but he has given Levi the best birthday gift he’s ever received.

* * *

“Good evening, Santa. I’ve been nice this year just for you, but I’m ready to be naughty tonight.”

If anyone could manage to pull that off, of course it would be Erwin Smith. Not that Levi is going to admit it anytime soon, so he resorts to smashing Erwin’s impish smile with his sling bag. He then crosses the threshold, comfortable as if he’s in his own house.

“No fair. I want my gift _now_ ,” Erwin protests playfully, grabbing Levi by the arm and pulling him to his chest. Then he wraps Levi’s face in his big hands and kisses him square on the lips. Levi moans despite himself and grabs at his sweater, pressing for warmth.

Erwin has changed in these past months. Before, he would approach Levi like he’s a rare cornered animal. Now his hands have become more impatient, his kisses more demanding. Levi doesn’t mind, because much as he’s loath to admit it, he has become greedier too. He’s not afraid to want more.

A casual cough finally breaks them apart. They turn to see Hanji standing by the living room Christmas tree, holding a gift bag decorated with sparkling science stickers. “There’s actual food, if you guys are interested in eating anything besides each other.”

“Manners, Hanji,” Erwin admonishes with a straight face. “Your father is here—“

“Busy making out under the kitchen mistletoe with a woman who deserves better than him,” Hanji cuts in. Erwin gives zir a stern look, but the conspiratorial tinkle in his glare is evident. He turns his attention back to Levi.

“You’re frosty,” Erwin remarks as he disentangles the ice from his silky raven-black hair. Levi’s eyelids almost automatically fall shut as Erwin’s long fingers knead into his scalp. In irritation, he grabs Erwin’s wrist and removes his hand.

“Real frosty,” Erwin says with a raised eyebrow. “I almost think you don’t adore me.”

Levi looks at the Santa-capped aliens riding with android reindeer. “No one can adore you in that sweater.”

“ _I_ made that sweater,” Hanji retorts vehemently. “The cloth is pure genius, made up of—“

“Spider webs? Cadaver skin? I don’t want to know,” Levi interrupts, taking a subconscious step back.

“Why Levi, it’s a state-of-the-art garment,” Erwin says with a beatific smile. Levi starts to get a really bad feeling about this. Hanji approaches and digs in zir gift bag.

“ _No_ ,” Levi says in utter horror, turning to Erwin for rescue. “I did not sign up for this shit.”

“Where’s your Christmas spirit, love?” Erwin dejectedly replies with puppy dog eyes. Levi shivers at the sheer believability of the act, especially since he knows Erwin is dying of laughter inside.

“I’ve never given anyone a Christmas gift that I made myself,” Hanji adds, holding a duplicate of the miserable sweater in zir tiny hands. “Not since mom.”

As a Smith, zir dejection is seriously dubitable. But if it’s actually genuine…

“Christ,” Levi groans as he raises his arms. He could hear Erwin stifling his laughter as he easily slips the sweater over Levi. Before he could give a scathing comment, Kitts and Hanji’s new stepfamily—Moblit and his mother—invite them to the table.

The Christmas dinner is uneventful but extremely surreal to Levi—him, sitting on a family table, listening to a married couple’s small talk and to the banter of children. At some point Erwin’s socked foot prods at his and Levi nods discreetly. He wills himself to relax as Hanji’s stepmother cheerily scoops her specialty to Levi’s plate. Kitts replies with an awkward “ah” when he declares his profession, but Moblit confesses that he wishes to study art too. If they have any objections against a stranger sharing their table, Levi couldn’t detect them.

“Do you like my gift?” Erwin whispers while everyone else is busy arguing about the latest Star Wars movie.

“I’ll top this. Easily,” Levi grumbles back. Erwin swears his eyebrows are a little less furrowed, and his cheeks a bit flushed. But Levi would just blame it on the wine.

After everyone retires, only he and Erwin are left sitting by the windowsill, silently drinking their tea. The scent of Christmas candles and the remnants of Hanji’s laughter linger in the still night. When Levi can wait no longer, he pulls Erwin’s sweater off and nudges him up the stairs.

Once, they were afraid. Then, they were hungry. Now they fall into bed almost soundlessly, with sure hands and deft fingers, seamlessly fitting into the spaces of each others’ limbs. Erwin’s heartbeat is strong under Levi’s palms, his face suffused with blood, his impeccably combed hair in disarray on the pillows. Levi could not think of anything more he wants as he descends on him.

When Erwin comes to, he fixates on the night sky, pierced by the full moon and the glow of the city lights. Uptown, away from the busiest part of the city, a few stars are even visible. Then his eyes fall to the figure standing outside the sliding glass windows, his bare behind facing Erwin. It amazes him how no post-sex lethargy or warm sheets can keep him from coming to Levi, even if he’s standing outside in the cold.

Levi does not turn as he pads close. “This is the last,” he announces before inhaling deeply from his cigarette and unceremoniously stomping on it. “I’ve done this old wreckage enough damage.”

“Turning over a new leaf on your birthday,” Erwin says approvingly. “But not very old, I would say,” he mumbles, wrapping his arms around Levi from behind and carrying him into the room. Levi slaps his hand.

“Yes, I’m a hearty youth compared to a perverted geezer like you,” he says without facing him. Erwin answers with a snicker and walks away. In a few seconds, a Christmas song blooms in the silence. Erwin returns to him, slides the glass window close, and then they are before each other, utterly naked.

Erwin’s face is earnest as he says, “Let’s dance.”

Wordlessly, Levi’s left hand captures his, and his right rests on Erwin’s side. Their feet are slow, their bodies swaying more than dancing. Levi doesn’t point out that he has at least rudimentary dancing skills, as proven by his dance with Daniella. Erwin doesn’t mention that he’s starting to rouse at the sight of the moonlight bathing the expanse of Levi’s skin.

“This is the stuff of romance novels,” Erwin notes amusedly, stepping into Levi’s personal space. “We are dancing on Christmas Eve, flesh on flesh—“

“We are hopping around with our bare asses hanging in the air,” Levi deadpans, to which Erwin laughs lightly. Nevertheless, he lets Erwin pull him even closer and press his lips against his neck. Erwin’s voice is a cool baritone as he hums into his ear, but Levi knows that it is different, heavy.

“Erwin,” he says quietly, like the night would be shattered by a word. “What is it?”

Erwin pulls back and locks him in place with a pensive gaze. “You have made me very happy.” He closes his eyes and kisses Levi, just once. “Like I haven’t known for a while. Like I can’t find the words to say.”

Levi’s furrowed brows quiver for a moment, and then he looks up to the ceiling. “I know old people can get forgetful, but do you remember that I won last Valentines? You owe me one favor.”

“Is it going to cost me?” Erwin asks with a rueful smile, raising their arms for a slow twirl. Levi snaps back and presses his back against Erwin’s bare torso. 

The words come fast now, afraid that Levi’s wavering heartbeat would not be strong enough to give them flight. “You must know about the art school Zackley set up in Berlin. She’s seen some of my old work and invited me to finish my last two years there. It’s probably the biggest break I’ll ever have.”

Erwin turns him around and kisses his callused fingers. Levi doesn’t understand why something so simple breaks his heart a little. “An artist is what you were always meant to be.”

Levi shakes his head resolutely. “I don’t believe in meant to be. I believe in choices. I thought you did too.”

“I did. I do.” Making choices for himself and for others is what Erwin Smith is good at. He shuts his eyes tight. Deep down, he has already chosen. But there’s no way he can look at Levi and say it out loud.

“Then tell me what you’d choose for me,” Levi urges, holding his face in his hands with uncharacteristic gentleness.

Erwin purses his lips briefly, and that’s when Levi notices that they are slightly trembling. His usually smooth brow crumples fleetingly before his face returns to its usual placidness. Levi has never seen a sweeter smile, or ever had a sweeter kiss.

“Happy birthday, love,” Erwin murmurs against his lips. “I hope Berlin keeps you.”

* * *

“Congratulations! You’ve unlocked a whole new level of slave driver, Smith,” Mike declares with arms open wide. He stands by the doorway, looking around at the sparse office staff remaining on the floor.

“This is a self-imposed work day. Feel free to spend Christmas with your daughter,” Erwin replies with his signature polite smile, not bothering to look up from his laptop screen.

Mike opens his mouth to say something, but ends up sighing. “A true friend would suck it and stay with you,” he says. “But I’m a better father than that. You sure you’re alright?”

Erwin isn’t sure about anything anymore. But working on Christmas Day is better than facing the empty bed he woke up to. There were no calls or texts, not even a note. Well, they’ve said all they needed to say, and Erwin has accepted Levi’s independent nature from the beginning. It’s just that, in the months they’ve been together, the part of him that wishes Levi would depend on him has grown.

Erwin has sworn never to regret, and yet in just a few hours he’s starting to dread living with the consequences of his choice. He shakes his head to clear it, and convinces himself a good cup of tea would strengthen his resolve. The path to the pantry is familiar, the same path he took that night when he met Levi. This time, there is no Levi hanging by the floor-to-ceiling glass panes.

There is, however, a golden bird, majestic as an archangel, painted on the entire wall at the end of the hallway. It’s the most incredulous thing that has ever happened to this building, and Erwin has seen many incredulous things. In awe, he slowly approaches the animal. Face to face with its gleaming wings spread in triumph, Erwin does not bother thinking of an explanation for its existence. He could only look at the eyes which seem to be staring back at him.

Blue. The clear, brilliant blue of a glacier, the calm surface of a pond.

“Better take a selfie while you can. That would be gone as soon as maintenance gets off their lazy butts.”

He should’ve known. Nobody would have the audacity, nor the genius, to do this kind of thing overnight. Nobody but Levi.

“You _sneaked out_ in the middle of the night to do this?” Erwin asks in astonishment. “I thought you left to settle things before you fly to Berlin.”

Levi shrugs, yet the expression on his face is unmistakably queer. In Erwin’s eyes, he is completely serene. “You really want me to go? And spend the next two years being pestered by a cutthroat bitch and a hormonal teenager?”

Erwin turns his back from the painting to face Levi. The distance between them makes his heart go cold. “Eren is not a teenager,” he says evenly. “I was under the impression that he’s a man who goes for what he wants.”

“What about you?” Levi counters. “I thought you were a man. And I thought you wanted me.”

“A man needs to find and follow his purpose,” Erwin says. He hates the small tremor in his voice. “And I’m not going to stand in your way.”

“You’re already standing in my way!” Levi explodes. Without warning, he determinedly launches himself at Erwin. “ _I hope Berlin keeps you?_ Keep your spineless excuses. Do you think I’d even ask for your opinion if I—”

Then it clicks in Erwin’s head. Levi wasn’t asking for his permission, or testing his devotion, or simply informing him. He was asking for Erwin’s perspective as an equal partner, as someone who is an important fixture in his life.

Levi huffs and puts his hands on his hips. “I thought you’d understand if I did this,” he says irritably, waving a hand towards his creation. “You might as well because I will get fired for it. But who knows, it might take weeks before my supervisor gets over his holiday hangover.”

“Is this for me?” Erwin says. He looks back at the painting and notes the blonde feathers and blue eyes. “Is this _me_?”

“Aren’t you full of yourself, puss in suits,” Levi grumbles before shutting him up with a kiss. It’s unlikely that anyone would see them, but if someone does, Erwin would hardly care. He misses Levi already. “I did say I would top you.”

“If this would hurt your scholarship, I’m sure I can persuade Keith not to fire you—“

“Fuck that. This is far from the uni uptown anyway,” Levi grunts. It takes a few seconds for his words to sink in, and when they do, Erwin is at a loss for words.

It’s Levi who settles the question on his face. “Fuck your advice. Fuck Berlin. I just gotta start somewhere. Here is as good as any.”

 _By your side is better than anywhere else_. Erwin knows him enough to hear what he doesn’t say. Even though it’s certain to piss Levi off, he can’t help the smile dancing on his lips.

“And the only way I’m doing this is with you,” Levi says openly, his gray eyes forthright and unwavering. He marches on before embarrassment creeps in. “But tuition ain’t free. You better re-hire me as your cleaning guy. Permanent and full-time.”

“Permanent and full time,” Erwin says solemnly, shaking his hand to seal the deal. Erwin wants him to be his cleaning guy, artist, best friend, closest confidant, and more. But those words are not needed to convey all that he means, so he simply says, “If that’s what you want, you could be my cleaning guy.”

_As long as you’re mine._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **EYYYYYYYY**  
>  I cannot believe this journey is over. I’m just not in the right state to reflect and critique my work yet, all I know is that I feel so fulfilled. I am so grateful to all those who bookmarked, commented, and kudo’d Cleaning Guy. This never would’ve happened without y’all. ＼(*T ▽ T*)／
> 
> I might write stuff (someday) about Erwin and Levi’s misadventures as a disgusting old _so_ married couple, or about Daniella and Eren in Berlin. I could only imagine how much trouble those two would cook up. ƪ(‾ε‾“)ʃ
> 
> Thank you so so so so much! See ya around! ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ


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